DomCon turned out to be pretty good. But I have to say, I sometimes feel a little out of place when I go, because it really is geared to the dominatrix scene, which to be honest, doesn’t really do that much for me. There were lots of lovely ladies there and I saw a lot of good friends. But I sometimes wish I got off more to the idea of serving a “domme” female, but I just don’t seem to be wired that way. A lot of times when I look at the beautiful dommes there I just wish I could see Them in bondage. I guess the thing that gets in the way for me is the whole idea of D/s – dominance and submission – which is obviously so prevalent in “the scene.” My own fantasies tend to be more in the direction of non-consensual bondage and abduction (and yes, I’m just talking fantasy here, not reality). To be honest, I’m really not particularly interested in “submitting” to or “serving” anyone, or having anyone submit to or serve me. It’s maybe a fine point, but there is a difference. It’s a difference, though, that unfortunately often leaves me feeling like a bit of an outsider in the whole bdsm scene.
Funny how it works though I don’t think you are alone. I have a Mistress in my wife and we do play a little on the dom/sub side, but the real turn on, for lack of a better term, has always been the Damsel in Distress scene. Since I was little it has been about heiresses, wives, secretaries, spies, whatever tied up and held against their will in some dark dreary place, tied, gagged, blindfolded. And the BDSM scene doesn’t always seem to cater to that fantasy. But then why should it, I mean what does the tier do once they have you all tied up. Where is the fun for them. So I guess I get it.
I find the same thing though in working this whole thing through in my spiritual life as well. I’ve recently begun attending meetings within my Lutheran tradition, devoted to exploring acceptance of GLBTG folk in the larger church. It is good and important work, and I really feel that God is calling me to this ministry. But what I find is that my particular segment of the popultion is surrounded by a lot of misunderstanding as well. It seems like I need to be gay, or in transition in a lot of folks minds. But in reality I’m a very hetero male most of the time who likes to dress in women’s clothes, (maybe get tied up once in awhile too) and would love it if I could freely go to church on Sunday morning in whatever type of dress strikes my fancy that day.
So anyway, pardon my little screed there, I guess what I want to say is I think, like you, I find that the traditional BDSM scene doesn’t really provide a consistent place for folks like us. Still, I don’t shy away from events in Seattle. I guess it is part of my mission to maybe carve out that place in the larger BDSM spectrum as well. Wow, a lot of words and I really said nothing.
I’m a huge fan Sandra, keep it up.
Vicki
Thanks, Vicki, actually you said a lot that I can relate too – and many others, I’m sure also.
I totally know what you mean about how many in the community would “get us” more if we were gay or in transition. I’ve run into similar things with people I’ve known for quite a while who are sometimes surprised when they learn that I’m not actually transsexual or planning to transition. But like you say, it’s good to keep going out and representing our kind.
And I always hope to eventually meet one of those very rare tops who are into the kind of fantasy you describe. There must be one or two of them out there ;-)
Sandra, I feel the same way. I’m a damsel-in-distress fan plain and simple. Even FetishCon has become more about doms and subs than about ropes and gags. I have nothing against that whole scene but I’m tired of people telling me that this is what I have to do to be better at ropework or at finding a play partner in the clubs.