I’ve often felt a little uncomfortable in the world of Transgender Activism, since I basically consider myself “just” a crossdresser (I hate that word “just,” but you know what I mean), and so often crossdressers are somewhat looked down upon in that community. You’ll sometimes run across the not-so-subtle message that crossdressers are okay but we really wish you were all “serious” transsexuals like the rest of us. To be fair, I really can’t make a blanket generalization, as many – probably most – transsexuals are very cool and friendly, but the bias does seem to come up more often than one would hope for.
But if I’m totally honest I have to admit that I’ve never ever had the feeling of being “a woman trapped in a man’s body.” It’s not even close. I certainly have persistent transgender urges, but they show up more in just wishing that I were female, but never actually feeling that I really am a woman inside. I’ve always known I’m a guy, even if I’m not the most masculine guy out there. With my long-ish hair and tight jeans, a close friend recently described me as “metrosexual,” which I found pretty amusing but probably accurate. I mean, hell, I have blond highlights in my hair.
But the main motivation for dressing, and definitely for doing bondage, is that it turns me on. That alone tells me that I’m not transsexual. It’s a sexual fetish and I’d be lying if I tried to deny it to make it more “acceptable.” One well-meaning friend years ago once said, “but you’re too good looking to be just a crossdresser.” I guess that’s flattering but logically it makes no sense at all. And, well, I’ve always had a hard time with compliments anyway ;-)
One other area that’s tricky for me is that many people in the local BDSM scene refer to me as Sandra, or as “she,” whether I’m dressed or not. Again, it’s flattering of them to do that, but it always makes me a bit uncomfortable. I think because I do look a little androgynous in my day to day presentation many people just assume I am transsexual or heading into transition, even though I’m not. To be honest, when I’m in guy mode I would actually prefer to just be called Robert, but I don’t push the point, since it’s a burden to insist on two names depending on one’s style of dress. So I’m kind of resigned to always being called Sandra in that community, regardless of how I’m presenting myself. Again, the androgyny is part of the problem. Some people, I’m guessing, just aren’t completely sure when I’m in boy mode, though it feels pretty obvious to me. If I’m not wearing makeup it’s a pretty safe bet that it’s okay to call me Robert. Also, to be fair, I assume many people in the scene don’t even know what my male name is, so I obviously can’t object to that. It would just feel really tedious to me, though, to go around correcting people on my name all the time, since honestly most people probably don’t care that much, nor should they. I know my own attitude has always been, just give me your name and I’ll use it, but multiple names to be used at different times does seem like a bit much. I wish it weren’t so, but alas…
Sandra,
I understand your feeling about your masculinity and the fact of crossdressing. I feel exactly the same sensation, and have the same sexuel desire … As for you, bondage while dressed as a woman is at first a physical pleasure.
To what point can this pleasure lead us, that is the great question ? I mean, to the point of being released, or just feeling frustrated ?
For many and many years, I asked myself this simple question : why do I feel so turn on, when I’m wearing skirt, blouse, pantyhose, bounded and gagged …. ? It remains a mystery for me.
The only thing to aim is to feel good with all this in our mind.
And in my opinion, Sandra and Robert, you look very “balanced”.
Kisses.
Paddy
(PS : sorry for my poor english, but I’m french)
Sandra,
I can’t tell you how much this entry resonates with me. I have talked briefly with a local transgender group in my area and am really uncertain about their emphasis on transition and openly proclaiming their status. Like you, I dress (and tie myself up) for the gratification. While I have stayed dressed for long periods of time and do normal inside work, the thought of going out dressed is very frightening, even among others who dress. I guess I really do live up to my nickname…
Keep up the wonderful work that you do and live the life that you want to live!
Toodles,
Tina
At least the Tri-Ess group I belong to helps us crossdressers to understand and be more comfortable with ourselves. I have to admit, if I had not joined them and attended meetings en femme I never would have been able to enjoy myself at Fetish Con as much as I did. I also dress more at home whenever I need a break from the stress of daily life. And of course just meeting and talking with you last year actually helped give me the determination to embrace my femme side a bit more.
Hello dear,
What you wrote really resonates with me. Especially
But the main motivation for dressing, and definitely for doing bondage, is that it turns me on. That alone tells me that I’m not transsexual. It’s a sexual fetish and I’d be lying if I tried to deny it to make it more “acceptable.”
I discovered the wonderful feeling of pantyhose around 8 or 9, and the magic of self bondage shortly thereafter.
Isn’t the internet wonderful? I really did think that I was unique in my passion for crossdressing and bondage. Sure I had seen crossdressers and I had seen bondage magazines, but never the two together. You have inspired and helped more people than you can possibly know. Thank you for that.
Regarding the name thing. . . That’s why I specifically tried to choose a gender neutral name. ;)
Bound Hugs and Gagged Kisses,
Miki
Dear Sandra:
There´s a lot we can talk or think about your ( or our) feelings.
I guees many of us reading this blog share the same opinions, as those opinions are coming right from our more or less similar life experiences.
I really don´t know very much about my own ¨girl¨mind, I spent many nights thinking about why I do this or that, but even being sure that the time for looking inside ourselves is never enough to learn all we need to know, I believe we have to enjoy our lives as they were given.
If I could live my life again, I shouldn´t change a single thing….
Kisses.
Gal
Like you, I’m a fetish-driven submissive crossdresser. Back in my clubbing/out days I always considered it the highest compliment when friends referred to me as “she” and when strangers said they’d had no idea that I wasn’t GG. All I can tell you is those days pass all too quickly.
Enjoy them while they last, even at the risk of the occasional bit of irritation and/or confusion.
Kisses,
Chrissie