A nice girl from Missouri named Wanda recently sent me a funny piece she was working on. It seems there was a race recently for Attorney General with a candidate named Gibbons.

Here’s Wanda’s compilation of several of my candidacy statements:

• If elected, I will be bound to my office (and in my office).
• All prisoners will be properly restrained, and it will be my pleasure to personally try out all available restraint devices to assure the strictest of bindings.
• I will not be quieted (unless gagged) and will speak up for the people.
• I will not roll over and give in (unless tightly tied and a hogtie is coming).

And my favorite:

• I will bring to my office the highest integrity and heels I can.