A couple people have asked me recently about an earlier post where I mentioned how it seems that people who are into damsel in distress style bondage are really in the minority in the BDSM scene, where bondage itself is a small minority interest. One friend asked, “What are the bondage people into if they’re not into DID-style bondage?” I’ve gone on about this before but it does seem in the BDSM scene that Shibari, or Japanese bondage, has really become the dominant style in the last few years, especially in the BDSM clubs and dungeons. It often seems when I go out to the clubs anymore that Shibari is what you see when you see bondage (other than cuffs and leather restraints) and that good ol’ damsel in distress style bondage has become much more scarce in comparison.
My guess for this is that damsel in distress bondage is often the style that bondage fetishists (such as me) favor, whereas Shibari seems much less fetishistic, and fetishists in general often seem to be a minority at the BDSM clubs anyway, where Dominance/submission play (D/s) and Master and slave relationships are so often the main focus. And in that environment I think Shibari fits right in as a form of aesthetic bondage that’s difficult to learn and thereby sets one apart as a bad-ass top for those who go to the trouble to learn it. I’m sure many would disagree with me and say that Shibari has just as much of a fetishistic charge to it, but I just don’t see it – which I grant may just mean that it’s not my fetish ;-) But one of the things that bewilders me the most about Shibari is that so often the girls aren’t even gagged. Now I know that for bondage fetishists the gag is oftentimes the main focus of the whole thing. I’ve lost count of how many bondage lovers I’ve heard say “It ain’t bondage if there’s no gag.” And I would totally agree – I mean, what’s the point otherwise?
I remember there was a big day-long bondage demo in L.A. several months ago and I was struck by how all the presenters, and I think there were seven or eight, all of them were doing Shibari and not a single one was doing DID-style bondage. I didn’t even bother going after that. And again, I totally get how difficult Shibari is and how people devote years of study to it. But I just find it way too cold and clinical and lacking in any fetishistic “bondage charge.” I think I have a folder on my computer with maybe twenty Shibari pictures that I’ve seen over the years that I find a turn on, and of course probably thousands from all the damsel in distress bondage sites that I’ve joined (way too many!)
Anyway, just another rant and I’m sure I’ll be back at it again before too long. I don’t hate Shibari – I just wish it hadn’t taken over and become THE style of bondage at the clubs. What I really like about FetishCon, on the other hand, is that it’s one of the main events that’s still focused on damsel in distress bondage, so even though I’m a crossdresser at least I don’t feel like I’m completely out of the loop there! I’m definitely looking forward to it in August and seeing friends whom I haven’t seen in way too long!
I think for us DId style bondage nuts, it is because of old tv shows like Batman, The Avengers, and Man From Uncle, that peaked our interest in the first place. I remember when I was about twelve going to the local drug stores and grabbing a comic book and wondering into the detective magazine section and looking at all the covers and then discovered those men’s magazines with pictures of Nazis torturing buxom blondes. Melvin would always show us away from the magazine section and we would end up buying the latest Wonderwoman or batman comic to keep him happy. As a side note the drugstore had a major fire and the church across the street allowed him to use their meeting building until his store was repaired and low and behold he put the magazines right on the porch that summer, and that included his magazine collection, since it was more condenced than his store, even racier stuff was exposed. My mother used to have fits when she got her prescriptions filled, because the the adult magazines pretty exposed on the porch. I guess that is why there are so many perverts in my town.
Hi Sandra.
Great item. Like you, I find shibari most un -appetizing . It seems to me the whole point of DIDs is the vulnerability of the victim. You don’t get this feeling if you know it takes30 to 40 minutes to tie up the captive. Its much too clinical Tied up damsels and CDs coupled with gags, blindfolds, exposed lingerie etc adds to the scene that is being created. Get sexier but don’t go Oriental.
Yes, good luck finding someone who’s gagged. Or in nylons. Or even a decent pair of heels. It’s all become very boring.
I have the sense Shibari is a follow up of bondage appliers becoming “riggers” where the contortions and complexity of bondage was primary. As in Shibari, what they sought was bondage worthy of a master engineer hence riggers, I guess. It became performance art, set aside from reality of DiD bondage.
Great post Sandra! One of my biggest problems with the clubs in my area is precisely the DID vs Shibari thing. I’m a lifelong DID guy and I would prefer to keep doing my work (and playtime) in that style. Many people whom I’ve had contact with in these clubs have actually put my style down as “boring”. And the few women I’ve met would prefer I beat them up rather than tie them up. Shoot, one lady even told me I should learn to do Shibari because “it would attract more women than what you do now”. Maybe she’s right, but it Shibari just isn’t me. So I stay true to myself and stay lonely AND miserable. Fetish Con being the only place where I can finally have some rope fun in the entire year.
-Andre (the Toon Man)
Thanks so much, everyone, for all the comments! I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one here who scratches their heads when they go out to the clubs ;-) And it’ll be great to see you, Andre, in August!
I’ve been a longtime follower of your blog, Sandra, in addition to subscribing to Trannies in Trouble but I’ve never posted. Here we go:
It isn’t just generational, either. I’m certainly too young to have ever seen a detective magazine on a drug store rack. I didn’t catch all those delightfully bad bondage sequences in movies over the past 4 or 5 decades. I did see some of the newer shows attempt at it. Things like Baywatch, Law and Order, Pacific Blue, etc… All the same, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t into DiD bondage. I have certainly always tried to emulate it in my self-bondage practices. Always dreaming of a kidnapper holding me for ransom (or planning to do much worse).
I can’t believe a single soul would call DiD bondage “boring.” Isn’t DiD bondage what makes bondage…bondage? That alpha and omega of binder and victim? The whole purpose of bondage is to restrain. What you are restraining for is your business, I guess. Shibari certainly looks like it gets the job done (I’ve never experienced it). I even think I would enjoy actually being in shibari bondage. However, I think it is the sort of thing that works better in practice than in theory. It isn’t cerebral at all. It is the pure physical essence of bondage. The applying of ropes in an intricate web of inescapable glory. I think it looks bland. There is no emphasis on the model, the scene, even the intention of the bondage (sex, torture, etc…). It is bondage for the sake of art, not bondage for the sake of binding.
It doesn’t inspire any sort of reaction, though. It is all, without any doubt, completely inescapable. Even the notion of attaining freedom is quashed. There is no fear-of-your-captor dynamic. Like Paul said, it takes half an hour to apply. You’d make the worlds worst kidnapper. What emotion does it inspire?
I’m with you Sandra.
I’ve been taking another poll and one question revolves around what is your very most favorite scene in the bondage process? The overwhelming favorite? “The moment gagging is effectively applied”. If you’re interested to poll is at http://boundtotease.com/poppydog66.htm
Scroll down to see that poll question and there you can look at all the poll answers. Of course the population is limited to people who come to my site in the first place and I’m sure there is already a d i d bias.