I was feeling a little down the other morning, though I sprang back pretty quickly. Like I’ve mentioned before, women scare me, especially when they’re attractive. I think part of the reason it’s easier to do bondage play and to fool around with other tgs or with guys is because I know I’m not going to develop some deep emotional attachment, and figure they’re not going to feel that way about me either. The only times in life that I’ve felt as though I were falling in love was with “real” women. But at the same time, there’s that little voice of self-doubt inside that expects to be rejected by women (because I’m a transvestite). Of course, real life has shown that that’s not always the case – yes, many women would not want to be with a tranny, but there are some out there who don’t mind, and a few who might even be into it. But those old patterns of self-doubt die hard. <\/p>\n
Anyway, I was out the other night, just in guy mode, doing some volunteer work for a group I sometimes get together with. A new girl was there and I felt really nervous around her. I wasn’t even that particularly attracted to her but my shyness kicked in and I felt awkward and uptight. Driving home later I found myself growing more and more depressed about it. I try to remind myself at such times that my emotions aren’t dangerous and that there’s really nothing to be worried about, that after a good night’s sleep I’ll be feeling fine. But I still felt pretty down, and lying in bed I had one of those “looking into the void,” moments, where you feel so alone in the world and life feels like a low-grade nightmare. I know that none of this is true – I have friends and family and most of the time life is pretty good. But those dramatic feelings are one of the characteristics of being depressed – that it feels deep and “dangerous,” as though if it were to continue I would never recover. That never happens, of course, and yes, after a night’s sleep, or a long walk around the neighborhood, I’m usually back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was feeling a little down the other morning, though I sprang back pretty quickly. Like I’ve mentioned before, women scare me, especially when they’re attractive. I think part of the reason it’s easier to do bondage play and to fool around with other tgs or with guys is because I know I’m not going … Continue reading The Clarity of Morning<\/span>