I made it into the Burbank airport yesterday with no problem and had a nice lunch with my friend Chainguy. It’s nice to be back in L.A. but I’ll never get used to the congestion of this city. Last night I had a delightful time at the Femme Fatale party at the Threshold clubhouse – it’s so nice to walk into a party where you know a bunch of people! Off to Palm Springs for a couple days to see friends and hike Mt. San Jacinto, then hoping to shoot some pictures later this week.
Just a quick note that I’ll be visiting Los Angeles this Friday, Oct. 22nd, and am planning to go to the Femme Fatale FemDom Party that evening at Threshold (they have a calendar link over on the left side on their homepage.) I’m really looking forward to being back there again and seeing some good friends. Then of course I’ll also be at the Club Fantasy Party on Friday, Nov. 5th, also at the Threshold clubhouse – wouldn’t miss that for anything! Now that I’ve been gone from L.A. for about seven months I miss that party every time it rolls around. I hope I won’t get teary eyed when it wraps up. If you’re in the area and plan to attend, do say hi! Hope to see you there!
One nice bit of news is that I will be visiting Los Angeles again at the end of October and into early November, and I’ll be at the Club Fantasy party on November 5th! I’ve really missed those parties and it’ll be great to see everyone again. I’ll be without a car, which is tough in L.A., so it’ll be public transportation, occasional rental cars, and bumming rides off of friends. I’ll be doing a few photoshoots while I’m there, hiking my favorite mountain – San Jacinto, and generally enjoying the L.A. ambience, which I do miss, even though I complained a lot about it when I lived there. I’m really looking forward to seeing all my friends again – and palm trees!
A photographer named Tom Baker used Photoshop to do this set of pictures of Los Angeles streets without cars. Very cool. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but geez, I miss L.A. Sure hope I can visit again later in the fall.
I was in the grocery store today and was wandering around and realized I was hearing Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid” on the muzak – not some watered down version but the real thing with Ozzy, and fairly loud. “Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal.” Interesting.
I was reading an email where someone asked what have you accomplished in the last decade and how many more decades do you expect to have ahead of you? The latter is a particularly sobering question. I just talked to my Dad on the phone for his birthday, and although he’s doing okay, he’s old and I know that eventually I’ll get that inevitable phone call one of these days. For myself there are probably three, maybe four, decades left at best, though if I keep hiking and staying in shape I might be able to drag it out a bit longer. Of course, I won’t be modeling forever but do hope to keep taking bondage pictures of other girls for years to come. And as for what I’ve accomplished, probably the best thing I’ve done in my life so far is to start Trannies In Trouble back in 2003. I haven’t figured things out by any stretch, but it’s certainly the most successful thing I’ve done up to now and I’m very grateful for it and for the fans and customers who enjoy my pictures and videos.
For most of my life I’ve felt as if I’ve just been drifting along often lost and unsure, and I definitely still have those moments, but things have been more focused this decade than they ever were before. One thing that I’m still ambivalent about, though, is Los Angeles. I moved here in 2001 and may not have ever started my website if I hadn’t come here, so it was probably the right move. But on the other hand, L.A. can be such a grind to live in. It’s congested and dirty and there are so many people who are frustrated and angry and just getting by, so it can be a very tense and unpleasant place. Of course, if you were making a six figure income things could be a lot more comfortable, but at this point that ain’t me. I’ve been making contacts and spending more time in Denver this past year, though, and I suspect that I might be spending a lot more time there in the not too distant future. When I was there this summer, just the ease of driving and finding a parking space, having an apartment with some space to turn around in, and having smog-free skies with big puffy clouds was just wonderful, and I found a surprisingly active scene and some really nice clubs and a couple new models to shoot with in a relatively short time. After that I found myself asking what am I doing putting up with Southern California’s grind.
So all in all, the 00′s (what do they call this decade?) have been pretty good for me. I’ve had my lonely times and moments of doubt but compared to earlier decades this one has been pretty good. And I’m hopeful about the next one and where it will lead. We shall see.
The other night my friend Kim and I went to hear Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull in an acoustic concert here in L.A. Way back in my high school days I was a big Jethro Tull fan, back when they were in their prime (yeah, I’m that old), and I saw them a couple times in Denver in the late 70s, when they were awesome. Friday night’s concert was very good, though also a little bittersweet to see the inevitable passage of time. Ian Anderson’s voice is just a shadow of what it used to be, but he can still really rock out on the flute and acoustic guitar. There were about six other backup musician with him – not the usual Tull lineup, though their drummer did sit in on the bongos for a few tunes. The set list included some surprisingly obscure tunes. I’m not a “super fan,” like some of the people at the show who were just in heaven, but I’m pretty familiar with a lot of their stuff, so it was surprising to hear some “B” tracks that never even made it onto an album. They also played some compositions from some of the backup musicians, including a young woman on viola who was really amazing and quite cute too.
Kim and I didn’t dress for the concert, but ironically enough there were two crossdressers in the seats directly in front of us, so maybe we should have. It could have been the tranny corner. In any case, it was a fun show and definitely colored with nostalgia for me and reminders of one’s mortality and the relentless march of time. One thing that didn’t change, though, is they finished up with interesting and energetic acoustic versions of “Aqualung” and “Locomotive Breath,” which are the tunes they almost always wind up their shows with. And for a 62 year old guy they really rocked.
My friend Kim and I went to LACMA today to see the Salvador Dali exhibit, which is just about to close, and it was awesome. I’ve always liked his stuff and it was great to see many familiar paintings in real life. I was amazed at how small so many of them were. I expected them to be these huge murals but not so. Even his most famous painting, The Persistence of Memory is pretty tiny, about 12 inches across.
I also had one of those, “Oh, I get it!” moments reading the description of one of my favorites, “The Metamorphosis of Narcissus.” I remember seeing this painting in art books when I was a kid and I never realized that it’s a human figure on the left – Narcissus – gazing at himself in the reflecting pool. I always thought it was two human hands and that the one on the left was just a little blurry or something – Duh! Oh well, it only took me 35 years to get it. And hey, gazing at one’s reflection is something that we crossdressers do a lot of too – maybe that’s why I like it so much.
Just a reminder that for this Sunday’s Rope Bondage Workshop in N. Hollywood we’ll have my friend Miss Susan giving a demo on doing bondage with furniture, specifically showing ways to secure the bindee off to an inanimate object. I’ll be there enjoying it in the audience for a nice change. Hope you can make it Sunday from 4 to 6 PM.
Well, I’m back in town and had a great visit in Atlanta. Just a reminder that tomorrow, Friday night, is the Club Fantasy party in North Hollywood, CA. Hope to see you there!
It was nice and cool yesterday, so I took the day off and did another one of my super long hikes through the city. I’d been thinking it would be fun to walk the full length of Sunset Boulevard, which is about twenty miles long, in one long day. I got up before dawn and took the subway down to Union Station, which is downtown and near where Sunset begins. Parts of downtown can be pretty depressing – noisy and dirty – and it doesn’t get much better going through Hollywood.
About ten miles in one of my little toes started to hurt really bad so I had to stop and make some adjustments with some bandaids that I’d brought along. I was limping for a while and afraid that I was going to have to call it off, but eventually I got back in the groove. On the Westside, going through Beverly Hills parts of the street didn’t have sidewalks (I guess they gotta keep the riff raff, like me, out) so I had to take some parallel streets to get through.
Finally, late in the afternoon, I had only a few more miles to go and the exhaustion really hit me. I was feeling pretty dopey walking along but I just kept telling myself to keep moving my feet. I knew if I stopped, I’d get really sore and that would be it. Finally I saw the Ocean off in the distance and it was beautiful. It was about five o’clock when I plopped down on the sand where Sunset ends and took off my shoes. It was really great to just sit there and be hypnotized by the surf and the gulls and run the sand through my toes. I hung out for about two hours and nearly nodded off on the bus ride back home.
(note: there are some spoilers in this post, but then the title of the movie itself is a bit of a spoiler. I’m not really giving much away that you can’t already guess.)
So I made it out Friday night, just in guy mode, to see the midnight screening of Amateur Porn Star Killer at Laemmle’s Sunset 5. I’d have to say I thought it was brilliantly done, though it’s going to be a tough sell. It’s one of those films that you’re either going to really love or really hate. And you could make an argument for it either way – is it morally bankrupt dreck or a brilliant and challenging art film? I’d go with the latter, but yeah, it is pretty disturbing. I felt a bit shook up afterwards, and driving home the city just seemed really nasty and menacing.
What I really admired, though, about the movie is the sheer ballsiness of the filmmaker Shane Ryan. He’s obviously not afraid to look at his own dark side. He was there at the screening and he seems like a perfectly normal and polite young guy. He plays the killer himself in the movie, though for much of the film he’s offscreen. We just hear his voice behind the camera as he talks to his victim. He plays the role perfectly, though, and in an interview (links below) he talks about how tough and emotionally draining it was to stay in such a dark place for so long. During the screening he also showed a trailer for another film, and an earlier short film, both of which also dealt with some pretty dark stuff – sex, incest, violence, and still more murder.
The movie has a simple but brilliant concept. Some young sleazeball talks this shy young girl into his car and off to his crappy motel room and then proceeds to degrade and videotape her. And I’m not giving anything away here, even the poster says exactly what you’re going to see. I mean, it’s totally sick, and is filmed as though we’re watching an actual snuff film – not a particularly “fun” experience. The pacing is also very slow, and the camera is endlessly jumpy and the motel room poorly lit. Lots of times it’s tough to even tell what’s really going on. One reviewer called it “Ted Bundy with a video camera.” You’re basically watching a young girl shut down emotionally over the course of 71 minutes as it dawns on her what a horrible situation she’s gotten into. Apparently the film was improvised a lot, and the actress, Michiko Jimenez, does an outstanding job. It’s so believable and painful to watch as she grows more and more passive, lost, and aware of what a huge mistake she’s made getting into this guy’s car.
But what really works about the film is that Shane offers up this sex and violence in such a disturbing way that you’re left questioning your own reasons for being drawn to such a film. At least I was. And on a deeper level, I think it looks at the propensity for violence that’s obviously hard-wired into the human creature.
I’ve long been of the mind that most people are capable of most anything. Obviously to be human is to have the capacity for love, beauty, connection, compassion, AND also the capacity for utter cruelty and degradation. It’s just the human condition and I don’t think any of us are free of those urges, though we can decide what to do with them, at least most of the time. I think under extreme stress people can and do snap and do crazy things that normally they would be able to keep in check. Just reading a newspaper it’s obvious how nasty we can be to one another. And the people doing those nasty things are people just like you and me. We sometimes have a tendency to distance ourselves from certain kinds of people: neo-nazis, child molesters, rapists, killers and so on – and view them as being so beyond the pale that they couldn’t possibly be like us. But I think they are like us. They’re flawed human beings, just as we all are. Perhaps their urges vary in the details (most of us probably aren’t pedophiles or death fetishists), and clearly their self-control is lacking, but the capacity for cruelty and violence lives in us all. And we can get glimpses of it every night when we’re dreaming. The unconscious mind doesn’t know anything about being politically correct or considerate of the well-being of others when it comes to those primal urges.
So I think Shane’s film touches on these kinds of questions and on why so many of us are drawn to darkness. I mean, when I heard the title of this movie and read a couple reviews, I said, “I gotta see that.” Why is that? What does it say about me? Obviously my own sexual fantasies can get pretty dark sometimes. I’m not turned on by death but clearly if you’ve read any of my stories on my website, fear, loss of control, and being in “over one’s head” are indeed sexy to me. And those sexual fantasies obviously plug into a deep primal place way down in the animal side of my brain.
If you want to read some more about APSK, there are quite a few reviews online, and apparently it’ll be coming out on DVD soon. I just want one of those super-cool t-shirts that Shane was wearing at the screening. The poster art is really good, though the suggestion of bondage, I should point out, is a bit of a tease. The actress in the movie never actually gets chained up or cuffed, though the movie’s so nasty that I’m not sure it would have been much of a thrill for me even if she had been.
Anyway, here are a couple more links to check out below. It probably WON’T be coming to a theater near you. But there is the DVD. It’s not an easy watch, but I’d definitely recommend it.
There’s another sicko horror film coming out that looks right up my alley, something called, “Amateur Porn Star Killer,” that was apparently shot on digital video for something like $45. There’s a midnight screening at Laemmle’s Sunset 5 Cinema in Los Angeles, on the 24th and 25th. Think I might have to make plans to see this one: Article on Skullring.org.
Update: just heard from Chad at Pollystaffle.com, where he’s doing a free ticket giveaway. Also sent a press release on the film. This thing sounds so appalling that I’m afraid I’m going to have to see it.
It’s that time again. This Friday is the next Club Fantasy party, June 15th, in N. Hollywood, CA., from 8 PM till midnight.
Once again we’ll be having our friend Lady Jeri Ann arriving early, around 7 PM, to help with makeup. I also usually get there around 7:00.
I’ve been cleaning out my closet and have some shoes and things that I’ll bring to give away too. I have several pairs of never worn or lightly worn shoes from Fredericks, size 12 womens, that I want to get rid of. I’ll see if I can find anything else to bring between now and then. Hope to see you there!
It was a busy weekend and a lot of fun here. The Fetish Ball at Syren! in West Hollywood turned out to be awesome. I went with my friend Kim, who’s a regular bar-hopping companion, and as always we got there too early (I’m really such a lightweight). It was about 9:30 PM and the place was empty, but as the evening went along it started to fill up. There were a lot of hot girls there and lots of pvc clothing and general shininess. Kim got lucky and spent much of the evening in a back booth, while I hung out in the outdoor area and met a lot of nice people. The highlight had to be when a rather tipsy and lovely young lady (sorry, I can’t name names) introduced herself with a rather extended gropefest. It’s really wild to meet a “real” cute girl and almost immediately find her wrapped around you with her arms around your neck. Don’t mind that at all.
I gave up drinking a few years ago so I’m usually the designated driver. It was getting past my bedtime around 1:00 AM but the place was still hopping when we left.
Jay Wiseman on Sunday – Then Sunday afternoon it was off to Threshold to hear Jay Wiseman talk about “Negotiation as Foreplay.” He’s an excellent speaker, one of these people who’s truly relaxed and comfortable with himself, and had lots of funny stories to share and good advice. I’m really glad I got to meet him and got him to autography my copy of his “Erotic Bondage Handbook.”
He’s going to be giving a couple more presentations this week on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings before he leaves the L.A. area, and I’m planning to check out both of them. Wednesday night, in particular, should be especially good when he talks about “Rope Bondage You Can Actually Use.”
I just heard that Irv and Wayne are going to be providing a special dressing area for those girls who don’t feel comfortable heading out the front door in fetish wear. It should make things easier. Here’s some links with more info. See you there!
I heard just minutes ago that well-known BDSM author and speaker Jay Wiseman is going to be doing a presentation on rope bondage on Wednesday, June 6th, in North Hollywood, CA. It’s being sponsored by Threshold and will be held at the usual place, Hollywoodland Studios. Jay is the author of the very popular Erotic Bondage Handbook
I’ll post an update when I hear the specific times and more details and so on. I’ll be there for sure!
Hollywoodland Studios (Entrance in rear – plenty of free parking)
11300 Hartland St.
(off Tujunga, 1 block north of Vanowen)
North Hollywood, CA 91605
Irv and Wayne at Syren! have a special fetish / trans / glam party going on in a couple weeks. Here’s the word direct from Irv:
Our 1st Annual Fetish Ball will be held on June 2, 2007. It is going
to be a Big Event — I am spreading the word among my Goth/Fetish
friends. Also, we will have a Best Fetish Outfit contest and will be
awarding prizes to three lucky people. All contestants will be judged
by a panel of three people involved in the fetish scene. I encourage
all of you to dress in your best fetish apparel that night.
It was a good night yesterday at the Club Fantasy party. We had one of our biggest turnouts yet, about 30 people, with quite a few regulars and lots of new faces too.
I got to play with a friend of mine who put me into some bondage and sent me off into orbit. Sometimes when you play bondage games it can be fun, sometimes it can be work – especially if you’re the one doing the tying – and every now and then you can have a scene that hits you deep in that special place and sends you sailing.
The physical – A lot of times I’ll feel a little awkward in my own skin, a slight feeling of unease, as though I’m walking on a floor that hasn’t been finished and there are high patches and low patches that threaten to trip me up. I’ve never felt particularly graceful and was never very good at sports.
But sometimes when you’re doing bondage, which obviously involves a lot of touch – that physical intimacy can really focus my awareness and feel so much more real to me than the usual mundane activities of the day. I tend to live in my head a lot, but that physical touch can be so grounding. My mind quiets down and the rest of the world fades away and there’s just that moment. My eyes are closed, I feel that touch, and that’s it.
In other words it was a good scene.
This month’s Club Fantasy party in North Hollywood, CA, is coming up fast – this Friday, the 18th. This month, our friend the lovely Lady Jeri Ann is once again going to be there early, around 7 PM, to help out with hair and makeup for anyone who would like some assistance. There will be some makeup on hand, but of course bring your own if you have it. Last month a small group of us got together before the party and it was really enjoyable.
As usual, the times and info. are here on the Club Fantasy page at Ts in Trouble. See you Friday!