So like I was mentioning, I was still dressed and excited from last Saturday’s shoot, so I touched up the makeup and went out to the Saturday Threshold party, which I don’t get to very often, but it was great! I saw some old friends and there was a nice turnout. They also had a great spread of food, put out by one of the members there, who’s an excellent cook. It was perfect timing, as there was also a birthday that night.
I’m not usually a big fan of being flogged and whipped, but I do have a friend there whom I occasionally play with, who does it very well. When it’s done right it can be like a really heavy massage and send me out into the ether. I needed that!
All in all, two excellent parties in one weekend, and then my neighbor was putting on a little art opening at a nearby hair salon Sunday night. I met a couple of friendly lesbians who asked me about the trans scene and about running a kinky website, and again had a very nice time.
I had a really nice time at Club Fantasy last night. It was an intimate crowd, about 20 people, but with quite a variety attending, including a few of my “straight” non-trans friends from Threshold. All in all a nice get together with quite a bit of play going on.
I’m doing a photoshoot this afternoon, so I had to drag my ass out of bed early to get ready for it but I’ve got a few new outfits that I’m looking forward to trying out. I also had my hair blow dried straight by my friend Angie, who’s been coloring and doing my hair for several years now. I so wish I could keep it straight. She always makes it look awesome for a day or two afterwards. Even when I’m not dressed it’ll look vaguely David Bowie-ish from his Ziggy Stardust days, and I can stare at myself in the mirror like a fool for minutes at a time. Of course, eventually I have to wash it, or I sweat and it gets wet and humid, and the natural curliness inevitably comes back, and the whole illusion is spoiled. Like they say, when you’re curly you wish you were straight, and when you’re straight you wish you were curly.
If I’m not totally beat and my hair’s still holding up from the shoot I might venture back out to Threshold tonight to meet a few friends. We shall see. Busy weekend.
I’ve been hearing this band Biirdie on KCRW a lot lately, and they have this terrific song Catherine Avenue that I really love (it’s the first sample on their MySpace page) – strange and kind of brooding and uplifting all at the same time, with this bizarre guitar solo at the end. Good stuff.
The next Club Fantasy party is coming up fast. Hope to see you there! If you need any additional information, feel free to email me directly (email link on my website, down on the left).
If you’re new to the party be sure to read the directions on the first link above. Hartland dead ends in the parking lot. The building is on the right (and says “Hollywoodland” on the front), but the entrance is around back. Look for the mini-drawbridge…See you Friday!
I’ve had some emails the last few weeks from a few crossdressers in various parts of the US and the UK, in varying degrees in the closet, who’ve asked for advice about getting out and meeting people (so another Ann Landers warning for this post) ;-) One struck me in particular, a very nice person who said some really nice things about me being confident and strong and extra special. It’s great for my ego to hear things like that, but my initial response is that I really don’t possess those traits in any greater degree than the average person. Hell, I’m not a particularly brave or confident person. I remember once my Mom even commented that I was always a very fearful child growing up, and as an adult I’m still often fearful and anxious.
One thing I do that I’ve mentioned before – and I don’t always do it perfectly – is to accept that I’m going to be scared whenever I push my comfort zone and then do it anyway. Like I’ve said before, I’m always nervous when I start out doing the Rope Bondage Workshop. And I’m usually nervous talking to new people and always scared when I try something new and unfamiliar in any area of my life. And I usually hate going to clubs and trying to make chit chat – but I do it anyway because it needs to be done and usually pays off in some fashion. So being confident and strong – most of us never really have those traits perfected. They come and go, and certainly in my case I usually have to fake it and just move through the fear and doubt. Sometimes it still stops me but that’s just part of it too.
As for meeting others and getting out more, my advice is always to check out the clubs or transgender groups or events in the nearest large city. Even if you have to drive and get a motel room to go somewhere, it’s usually worth it. And at most events and clubs you can always just go in guy mode if that’s easier. The key though is just going, and in fact it’s worth it even if it isn’t fun and doesn’t turn out well, because then you’ve pushed your comfort zone a little and the next time it will be a tiny bit easier. The thing to avoid, though, is going out, having a bad time, and then saying, “Well, that sucked, so I’m not ever going to try again.” I’ve been to lots of parties and clubs where I had a really lousy time and could have stayed home and done laundry and would have had more fun. But there’s no regretting any of it. Just making the effort is reward enough. And if you don’t take the risk you lose the potential payoff that might occur. So go out and get out of the closet to whatever degree you can handle. It’s really stifling in there.
It’s feeling like the start of the rainy season here in L.A., just pouring down hard all day long and apparently continuing for the next few days. This is my least favorite time of the year here. It’s nice being warm and in bed at night with the rain on the rooftop but during the day I so often get to feeling lonely and depressed with the damp weather. Time for some comfort food.
It’s funny but when I travel my libido always goes through the roof. I don’t know if it’s just the stress of being away from home, as I’m pretty much a homebody, or if it’s (to be blunt) the fact that I don’t feel comfortable masturbating when I’m staying with family (pretty obvious why that might be weird), but I always find myself ready to peel paint off the walls with my fingernails after a few days.
I find too that when I’m at the airport, or just out and about, I’m always checking out the women, especially the nicely dressed ones, and feeling that familiar longing and desire. It’s the usual transvestite thing – I desire them AND I want to be them and be tied up being them, etc. etc.
Then yesterday I also saw with my family the movie Charlie Wilson’s War, which is very good and very funny, and also has some really hot women in it, including all the office secretaries who are so damn cute. There’s one shot of this adorable girl walking from behind with her high heels and legs and fitted suit and her ponytail swinging back and forth. Yikes! Well, I sound like a total perv but so it is. The lust and yearning just drive themselves into me like a screwdriver. It’s good to be back home and be able to get some relief from it.