This weekend was just too much. Saturday was the TransGiving Event, where I had a part in the Glamour Boutique Fashion Show. I heard later that the response to the show was quite good, but my own performance falls somewhere between bad dream and fiasco. Delilah and I were supposed to do a bondage routine, with Delilah tying me up for a while and then both of us continuing on with some more subdued bondage play in the background while the models walked the runway up front.
I was supposed to walk down a few stairs onto the stage with my hands tied together in front – probably not such a swell idea in retrospect. I wasn’t wearing my glasses and couldn’t see a thing. I thought I was down all the steps, but misjudged them by one, and nearly took a nose dive right onto the stage, letting out a gasp as I stumbled and nearly went down. Talk about humiliation. But it gets even better. I just barely kept on my feet and continued on, walking with shaky legs across the stage. Just a few feet away there were several speakers set up on stage, but the electrical cords for them hadn’t been taped down to the floor. So about five seconds after nearly going kersplat on the stairs, my foot catches a cord and over goes one of the speakers, crashing onto the stage – BOOM! It had to be one of the most humiliating experiences I’ve had in a very long time.
Delilah was doing a good job soldiering on, but by this point I’d nearly lost my will to live. The entire time I was onstage I felt like the supreme idiot of the room. When that speaker fell over I just wanted to stop and say, “Okay, let’s just call it quits, shall we?” But of course you can’t. I bore the discomfort, did as well as I could to continue on, and got off the stage with my cheeks burning.
There’s something to be said about embarrassment. It does serve to ground you and remind you of just how shaky our illusion of control is – it just stings so bad at the time.
In any case, I was completely deflated after my “performance,” so I didn’t stay for much more – just gathered up my stuff, gave a ride home to a friend, and slinked back to my bungalow. I read the paper in bed for a while and turned in early, with an empty feeling of, “I can’t believe that actually happened…”
It was only after a good night’s sleep that I can look at it now and see the humor. It really was one for the books, and I start giggling every time I think about that speaker crashing down. I’m just thankful I didn’t sprain an ankle or anything. I almost wish it had been videotaped, but it’s probably best that it wasn’t or I’d have to post the damn thing online.
So this morning, after a quick jog to clear my head, I got ready for the bondage workshop, thinking, “Well, today can’t be worse than last night.” And yes, thankfully it went pretty well. I was a little nervous at first, but got into the swing of it as we went on. It was a fairly good turnout too for this being the first time, maybe fifteen to twenty people. I knew that I wouldn’t have to maneuveur any stairs or speakers in five inch heels, so compared to last night it was a breeze. Now I have to come up with something good for next month – maybe some chest harnesses and crotchropes.
After all that, I’m looking forward to the boredom of a lazy Memorial Day Monday.