Ugh, it’s a night of insomnia here in the bondage bungalow – how I hate when that happens! 2:18 AM and the mind goes round and round and round. Some morbid soul said that this is the hour when we’re all closest to death, but I’m quick and wide awake (or wait, maybe that was 3:00 AM). And hmm, I notice the blog time says I posted this at 1:18 AM but really it’s an hour later, though what’s the difference when sleep won’t come?

Anyway, I was mentioning social networking sites earlier, so if you’re bored and wasting time online here’s my profiles on Fetlife and Facebook (I just uploaded a couple of silly pictures there of my visit to Milk Bar a while back.) Send me a friend request if you’re so inclined. I’m also on MySpace but, like I say, I just find that site so dreadful that I only bother to log on about once a month, so there’s probably no point posting a link. So I’m just going to go click around for a while longer and then lay down again and stare upwards at the backs of my eyelids. They say trying to keep yourself in one position and not moving around helps. Maybe if I was restrained…

I was following the news out of New York but wasn’t really getting my hopes up too high, so I was thrilled to hear about the vote on the radio yesterday. It’s awesome to see this pass in a big state like New York where the gay rights movement began decades ago. I don’t really like to talk about politics very much, but gay marriage is one issue that makes me very excited. It really does seem like something that’s inevitable as it becomes legal in more and more states. It may take a long time but the issue ain’t going away. Yay to New York!

In the “spoiling the fun for the rest of us” department, a friend sent me the link to this news story about a guy who was allowed to fly wearing women’s panties and a ridiculously skimpy outfit (check out the link above for the picture – it’s priceless!) Hey, I like people who push the envelope and cause trouble, but even I’d be royally embarrassed if I were sitting next to this guy. It’d be one of those, “Uhm, excuse me but what are you doing?” moments. Perhaps a nice pinstriped suit would have been a better choice. At the very least, the fashion police could have been summoned. It’s ironic too – the article mentions the college football player who was arrested just days before for wearing overly-revealing baggy pants also in the San Francisco airport, though apparently he was reportedly exposing himself whereas the guy in the panties was nicely covered up. What more can one say?

(Update 6-27-2011: After reading Babette’s comment below I realized that my initial post wasn’t very clear. The person I was chatting with online was actually an admirer and not a crossdresser and the reason I wasn’t convinced about getting together was that although he expressed some interest in bondage, I had the sense from reading between the lines that he was really looking more for a sexual hookup, which I just didn’t feel comfortable with. I apologize for leaving out that important information, as it does sound like I was chatting with another CD who was just looking for bondage and not necessarily for sex…Sandra)

I recently was chatting with someone on a popular social networking site who wanted to meet, as he was coming to town for a business meeting. I wasn’t really convinced to begin with, but we wrote a few emails back and forth and then I found out that his wife at home didn’t know anything about his activities and would obviously not be too happy if she did. So I called it off. I’ve met with a couple guys over the years whom I later learned were doing the same thing behind their wives’ backs, and although I wasn’t the one actually cheating (and we didn’t have sex, so I guess you could say it wasn’t technically cheating), but still I felt kind of bad about the situations. I then saw on this recent guy’s profile that there were links to his wife’s profile and – ick – to his teenage kids’ profiles too. He’s lucky that I’m not the kind of person who would do this, but the first thing that went through my mind was, “Wow, this guy’s a case of blackmail waiting to happen!” How easy it would be to just forward our emails and cause all kinds of pain and destruction. I wouldn’t do that, but it does leave me, though, with that feeling of having information I wish I really didn’t have.

Again, let me emphasize that I would never rat on anyone, unless it became apparent that they were doing something really really bad, like meeting people and beating them up (in a bad way) or abusing children or something criminal like that. But I was still amazed at how he had his whole life laid out there to see. I mean, if you’re going to sneak around – and I’m not recommending that for anyone – at least use a separate profile for that purpose. I once actually heard from a guy’s wife (and I checked it out and was pretty certain that it really was her) who wrote for her husband who wanted to play. Although we didn’t really click that well I did actually meet with the guy and everything was fine. That kind of honesty I respect, and I have actually heard many more stories from guys, either CDs or dominant guys, who have an arrangement with their wives, who know what these guys like to do on the side and who give them their blessings, as long as they’re safe and upfront about it. So it is do-able if you’re married. The creeping around is just sad otherwise and slightly depressing – and stupid, as it could completely destroy one’s marriage if the truth came out, as it often does.

It’s been a busy party weekend here in Denver. Like I’ve mentioned before, I don’t usually go out to clubs all that often, because most of the time I just feel awkward and don’t really enjoy them that much. But lately I’ve gone a few times to the Santa Fe Tavern for their Friday night karaoke put on by Spaceman Mike! (who’s super-cool). It’s a straight bar / restaurant but usually a few trannies show up. I’ve sung a few times and I’ve noticed a funny thing: since I’m dressed, I want to try to sing in a falsetto or at least a higher-pitched male range, but because I’m always so nervous when I go up, my voice automatically slides down into its regular low range. No big deal, as most of the other CDs all do the same thing too. Sometimes if I can loosen up a bit I’ll be able to throw in a few falsetto lines but it’s not easy. Of course, I’m not a good singer, but hell, 90 percent of the people there aren’t either. The fun thing is performing for your friends and trying to have a good time, so I usually try to sing upbeat or funny songs, such as “Kung Fu Fighting,” which I did the other night. A slow serious ballad would be the kiss of death, unless you can really sing. It’s a cool place and actually the first bar in Denver I’ve found that I really like.

Then last night, after feeling kind of crappy all day long, I finally said, “What the hell!” threw on some make-up and went out to a place called Milk Bar where some other local t-girls were planning to be. It’s pride weekend here in Denver (it’s not all the same weekend in other cities, is it?) so I knew the place would probably be packed. It’s an interesting place, with a black and white theme, named after the bar from “A Clockwork Orange,” and with another goth club connected to it next door. They’re both rather nice, and I felt pretty relaxed there. I usually just wander around when I’m at those places, check out the hotties, drink one glass of wine (hardcore!), chat with people I know (and thankfully there were quite a few last night) and dance a little with friends. I really like to dance, though again, I’m not good at it, but when you can really lose yourself in the beat for a moment it can be a wonderful time. Not to get all existential, but sometimes it does seem that living in this physical world and encased in this physical body that we carry around, it really can feel like a terrible burden – with the sense we all have of being separate from one another, the inevitable aging process, and the numerous flaws of the human body and damage that it’s prone to – sometimes it can just suck to exist, though the alternative is probably worse. Dancing, and obviously things like drugs and drink, can bring some momentary relief from all that heaviness, though dancing’s a lot friendlier on the bod.

So yeah, with all that, it’s a nice club – now the second one that I actually like enough in Denver to go back to. Of the two bars, I probably liked the goth one a little bit better, though the music was so shockingly loud that I had to wear ear plugs. It wasn’t that you might damage your hearing in the place but that you will damage it if you stay there unprotected. A girl leaned over at one point and tried to tell me that she liked the blouse I was wearing but it was like trying to decipher a foreign tongue – “Huh? What? You like my boobs?” But the music was pretty cool and the dancing in goth clubs is fun, if utterly pretentious. You really don’t have to do much in those places to call it dancing – just slowly move your arms around and strike dramatic poses. The other side, “Milk Bar” had much more pop and disco flavored music and was really crowded, as it’s a bit smaller. So anyway, I don’t think I’ll be there every weekend but I’ll certainly go back from time to time. Worth checking out.