(Update 6-27-2011: After reading Babette’s comment below I realized that my initial post wasn’t very clear. The person I was chatting with online was actually an admirer and not a crossdresser and the reason I wasn’t convinced about getting together was that although he expressed some interest in bondage, I had the sense from reading between the lines that he was really looking more for a sexual hookup, which I just didn’t feel comfortable with. I apologize for leaving out that important information, as it does sound like I was chatting with another CD who was just looking for bondage and not necessarily for sex…Sandra)
I recently was chatting with someone on a popular social networking site who wanted to meet, as he was coming to town for a business meeting. I wasn’t really convinced to begin with, but we wrote a few emails back and forth and then I found out that his wife at home didn’t know anything about his activities and would obviously not be too happy if she did. So I called it off. I’ve met with a couple guys over the years whom I later learned were doing the same thing behind their wives’ backs, and although I wasn’t the one actually cheating (and we didn’t have sex, so I guess you could say it wasn’t technically cheating), but still I felt kind of bad about the situations. I then saw on this recent guy’s profile that there were links to his wife’s profile and – ick – to his teenage kids’ profiles too. He’s lucky that I’m not the kind of person who would do this, but the first thing that went through my mind was, “Wow, this guy’s a case of blackmail waiting to happen!” How easy it would be to just forward our emails and cause all kinds of pain and destruction. I wouldn’t do that, but it does leave me, though, with that feeling of having information I wish I really didn’t have.
Again, let me emphasize that I would never rat on anyone, unless it became apparent that they were doing something really really bad, like meeting people and beating them up (in a bad way) or abusing children or something criminal like that. But I was still amazed at how he had his whole life laid out there to see. I mean, if you’re going to sneak around – and I’m not recommending that for anyone – at least use a separate profile for that purpose. I once actually heard from a guy’s wife (and I checked it out and was pretty certain that it really was her) who wrote for her husband who wanted to play. Although we didn’t really click that well I did actually meet with the guy and everything was fine. That kind of honesty I respect, and I have actually heard many more stories from guys, either CDs or dominant guys, who have an arrangement with their wives, who know what these guys like to do on the side and who give them their blessings, as long as they’re safe and upfront about it. So it is do-able if you’re married. The creeping around is just sad otherwise and slightly depressing – and stupid, as it could completely destroy one’s marriage if the truth came out, as it often does.
Ah yes I’ve worked with a few of these girls and yes, no sex but bondage is something they need more than sex so certainly not textbook cheating? Also they are secret dressers and are amazing at their ability to coordinate and hide their activities. Also the fact that they are willing to travel with their ‘gear’ adds another whole problem area. Some of them UPS their stuff to the motel to avoid travel hassels.
I see it more as therapy rather than any kind of cheating and if they didn’t hook up with me and my mostly innocent videos, they’d probably hook up with someone who would engage in something much more like ‘cheating’. I also try to take some nice vanilla pictues of their girl selves to help boost their girl ego and what better boost can we have than a great picture and no matter that it was composed under the most flattering lighting with some possible post production touch ups.
Regarding the girls who expose themselves recklessly, I think they get to a point where they just are so desparate for attention that they kind of go overboard whithout regard for the consequences. The consequence they hope for is exposure as a girl and just hope that it will somehow be OK. I never recommend that anyone tell any of their friends that they like dressing or bondage but I do recommend that they get out whenever they can so they don’t get so desparate they go over board. Even if it’s nothing more than taking some self portraits in a motel room it helps that overwhelming need for attention without risking everything.
Hi Babette,
Oh, I apologize that I wasn’t very clear in my initial post. The guy I was chatting with actually wasn’t a crossdresser but an admirer and although he had some interest in bondage I had the sense from reading between the lines that he was looking more for a sexual hookup, which is why I felt pretty unconvinced about getting together.
But yes, I agree with you about meeting other CDs who are just interested in doing some safe bondage and not looking for sex. While their wives usually would not be happy if they knew about their activities, I agree that it probably doesn’t really the cross the line of actual cheating, though some may disagree. I’ve certainly done the same thing as you describe, meeting with girls who just want to get tied up and have some pictures taken.
I’ll post a little update to make the original post a little clearer. I didn’t realize how it read till I saw your comment…Hope you’re having fun! ~Sandra