Monthly Archives: April 2026

books, life in general, movies

Library Smut

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Way back when I was nineteen years old, I spent a year working in the evenings in the basement of the public library in Colorado Springs, where books would come down a conveyor belt and I’d grab them and put them in order on the carts to be reshelved the next day. It was one of the least stressful jobs I’ve ever had in my life, and while all the solitude down there may not have been the best thing for an unhappy teenager it was still a very pleasant, if low-paying, job. I’ll occasionally think back to those evenings and wish I could do one more shift just for old time’s sake.

The interesting thing was that during slow spells I could go back and take a look at the books that had caught my eye; sometimes something kinky would even come down the chute. The first time I ever heard of Bettie Page was in that basement, with an art book showing a painting or photo of Bettie. It’s been so long that I forget the actual image, but I’m pretty sure it was one of her bondage images. I do remember noticing her bangs, among other things, and thinking, “Who is this girl?!” I immediately took note of her name and knew I had to see more!

Another time there was a psychology book with the dramatic title “Perversion.” I furtively glanced around to make sure no one else was down there and then started flipping through it. I could tell it was a difficult read, clinical and Freudian, with very few pictures. But there was this one image below and I was immediately turned on the moment I saw it. I couldn’t believe this was reprinted in this kind of book! I remember the text said the average person wouldn’t be turned on by the drawing — but I sure was! A few days later I checked out the book, working up my nerve as I went to the check-out counter upstairs. I’m sure the lady there noticed the title but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. There wasn’t much I remember from the text itself…but that picture! (I recognize the style of the artist, probably from the ’60s or ’70s, but I can’t remember their name.)

I also quickly realized that the library had several English translations of books by the Marquis de Sade. I recall they got checked out pretty regularly, so again I worked up my courage and checked out a copy of “Justine, or the Misfortunes of Virtue.” The thing about de Sade is that you think you’re getting your hands on something really racy, but I really just found his stories tedious and endlessly repetitive, all that verbose philosophy talk punctuated by acts of depravity that I didn’t even find particularly sexy. The worst of it was forcing myself to plow through the four hundred-plus pages of “The 120 Days of Sodom.” In retrospect I don’t know why I forced myself to endure that thing (well, I was young and able to read long and challenging books then; I certainly couldn’t do it now.) The violence in the book just becomes and more and more extreme as it continues but the whole thing for me was just an exercise in tedium. I’m amazed I even finished it.

On the other hand, there is the notorious 1977 Italian film version by Pier Paolo Pasolini — Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom — reimagining the de Sade story in fascist Italy with four wealthy and powerful creeps rounding up a bunch of young people with whom they do unspeakable things. The movie is indeed shocking and leaves you with a feeling of hopelessness, but it’s also an art film with a capital A. It’s kind of amazing that such a thing even got made. I couldn’t find it available for streaming, but I got the DVD through the Criterion Collection a couple years ago and fortified myself with a couple glasses of wine when I watched it.

I only watched it once, but I’d watch it again if a friend wanted to. But it does have some really gross scenes, especially involving feces. What’s most shocking is the impression it gives that some of the victims in the film are underage. But they really aren’t. I read later that Pasolini shot the torture scenes with actors in their 20s or 30s, and that the editing and juxtaposition of shots give the impression that it’s much worse than what you’re really seeing. I recall an article interviewing some of the young actors who said that the mood on the set was light and playful and that everyone had a fun time, only realizing how relentlessly dark the movie was once they actually saw it all put together. I recall one of them saying that Pasolini was kind and considerate, and no one felt abused in its making, which is at least reassuring if that’s the case. In any event, with the current state of the world the movie is probably more relevant than ever. The trailer is excellent in that it captures some of the mood but really gives nothing away.


For me the most shocking thing about the film is again the relentless mood of hopelessness, which perfectly captures the feel of the de Sade book. It really is depressing. There are movies that are far more gory and probably more disturbing, but this one is high on the list — a good article here about its impact.

I held that job at the library during a break from college. Finishing school probably took me twice as long as the average student since I would periodically lose my motivation and drop out for a while, though I did eventually finish a degree in Communications (I can barely remember whatever it was I studied). But I wonder how many people have held that job since then and spent their evenings alone with that conveyor belt. The place certainly made an impression and still sometimes shows up in my dreams. They even had a dumbwaiter, one of those tiny elevators just for the carts. I would pay money to go do another shift and see how much the place has changed some forty-plus years later and see if any of those old kinky books are still on the shelves.

LGBT Orgs, life in general

Bryon Noem’s Bad Week

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As so many have commented when news of Bryon Noem’s bimbofication fetish came to light, very few are kink-shaming him for what he’s into—certainly not me. I’ve met quite a few gurls with similar fantasies! But the first thought that came to mind when I saw his now-notorious photo was, “Girlfriend, with some makeup and a nice wig you can take this to the next level!” And with the money he’s reportedly been spending on cam girls he could certainly afford some high-quality breast forms—ditch the balloons and get some really huge realistic-looking knockers!

There is of course the massive irony that he’s married to a woman with such a strong anti-LGBTQ record, including her stance against drag shows on campus, not to mention her own history of playing dress-up for the camera as the former face of the DHS and ICE. But I really just feel sorry for Bryon Noem. What he did was stupid and reckless considering all the controversy surrounding his wife. It makes you wonder if he secretly wanted to be found out. (To paraphrase Freud, every fear is a wish). But once that picture came out, I would suspect that Bryon Noem probably thought of killing himself, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s had a few moments since then where self-annihilation might still seem like a reasonable option for him. I’d be more surprised if he didn’t have an initial suicidal impulse—it would be almost inevitable after such a degree of public humiliation. He’ll be known for his bimbo fetish for the rest of his life, the defining moment of his life—this poor guy with bad judgment and worse dressing skills.

No one is asking for my advice but if he was, mine would be to own it. Come up with some humorous lines when talking to the press to show that you fully embrace your kink and, yes, work a little more on your look. Maybe do a photoshoot makeover in Vanity Fair magazine the way Caitlyn Jenner did years ago. But the only way to get over something this huge (pun intended), is to learn to laugh at yourself and not blame anyone else. Initially there were reports that one of the cam girls he was seeing online, Lydia Love, had leaked the photos, but since then it appears likely that she simply commented on the photos once they were already out there, confirming that he was a client: “Did I expose him? No. None of those pictures are from me. I just told my story.” I’m still not really sure how the pictures got released. If one of the girls he was talking to online outed him non-consensually, well, that wouldn’t be cool at all, regardless of one’s political leanings.

And regarding that marriage, well, if Kristi Noem were also his Domme that would make it even better! It does appear though that she’s already been cuckolding him big time if the rumors are true (and her alleged affair was already being reported as the worst-kept secret in Washington back when she was still head of the DHS).

So again, I’m not kink shaming Bryon Noem, though the massive irony of the story is still pretty funny. And it’s generated, of course, some killer memes. Team Bryon!

life in general, los angeles

The Do-Me Queens I’ve Known

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I hesitated as to whether I should post this, since it’s critical of a certain kind of person and behavior that you find in the bondage and kink scene. But I finally decided it was worth bringing up. To set the scene, way back at one of the TEASE parties a middle-aged crossdresser showed up. I welcomed her to the party, and we chatted for a bit and then within minutes she came out with, “So when are you going to tie me up?” I smiled and chatted some more but did not take the bait. She would drift away and then come back again throughout the evening, asking again when this party was gonna get started and why it was taking so long for her to get tied up?

I immediately thought to myself, “Ah, another do-me queen.” I’ve run into a lot of do-me queens over the years, but she was so bold and pushy that I still remember her some fifteen years later.

If you’ve never heard the term before, a do-me queen (as defined in the Double-Tongued Dictionary) is “a selfish, submissive sexual partner, especially in a male homosexual relationship.” But do-me queens are also very common in Domme / sub relationships and certainly in the kink and bondage scenes. Pro Dommes are extremely familiar with the type. But when someone is willing to pay they’re probably not a true do-me queen since the Domme is getting something in return. Same with phone sex sites like Niteflirt (where I have a profile). Some people do like to text me there and just chat about things. And some are extremely focused on their sexual desires, but since they’re paying me it’s fine and I really wouldn’t expect otherwise. Again, I’m not really sure if that’s really a do-me queen or just someone who’s very horny with a credit card.

The thing about do-me queens is that they can be so laser focused on their own sexual needs that they become socially clueless and irritating. The mantra is basically, “When are you gonna do me? When are you gonna do me?” Of course, a cute twenty-year old can get away with being needy and demanding much more easily than, say, a middle-aged crossdresser who doesn’t take very good care of themselves. When strangers write me and ask if they can come take a vacation and have me put them up for a few days and play with them, I usually know what I’m dealing with.

If you’re asking, “Uh-oh, I hope I’m not like that,” asking the question is a good sign that you probably don’t take things to that same degree. But I would say there’s a spectrum of behavior when it comes to being overly selfish about one’s desires. We’ve probably all had moments when we’re really turned on or have a promising opportunity come up and we become very focused on what we hope to get out of it. That seems normal, especially when one is really horny. And I’ve had moments myself when I’ve gotten a little tipsy and logged onto Niteflirt as a customer and was probably a little too focused on getting my itch scratched. That’s the kind of night where the next morning I can wake up and go, Okay, well that was a bit much. Was I showing some do-me queen traits then? Yeah, probably.

But for me anyway, what really sets the do-me queen apart is the social cluelessness. The person talking to me at that party was just looking for a good time—I get it. But her hyper focus on her needs without any concern as to whether I would even be interested is the thing that made it such a turn-off for me. With her attitude there was no way in hell I was ever going to play with her. And her inability to read the situation just made it worse. She really didn’t need me to tie her up; she needed a bondage robot that she could program to tick off all the boxes of her fantasy.

Again, I wasn’t sure if I should write all this since I don’t like to put people down on this blog, but it is a subject that deserves to be discussed, and a type that people should know about, especially if someone is unknowingly starting to exhibit some do-me queen qualities themselves. And again, the defining trait here is the social cluelessness and inability to consider what makes a scene mutually beneficial. It’s really not that hard to figure out. But until those bondage robots become affordable for everyone and reliable (not short circuiting during a session or accidentally asphyxiating their owners as so often happens), I’m sure I’ll continue to get more of this attention. When you’re known for tying people up it kind of goes with the territory.