I’ve had some emails the last few weeks from a few crossdressers in various parts of the US and the UK, in varying degrees in the closet, who’ve asked for advice about getting out and meeting people (so another Ann Landers warning for this post) ;-) One struck me in particular, a very nice person who said some really nice things about me being confident and strong and extra special. It’s great for my ego to hear things like that, but my initial response is that I really don’t possess those traits in any greater degree than the average person. Hell, I’m not a particularly brave or confident person. I remember once my Mom even commented that I was always a very fearful child growing up, and as an adult I’m still often fearful and anxious.

One thing I do that I’ve mentioned before – and I don’t always do it perfectly – is to accept that I’m going to be scared whenever I push my comfort zone and then do it anyway. Like I’ve said before, I’m always nervous when I start out doing the Rope Bondage Workshop. And I’m usually nervous talking to new people and always scared when I try something new and unfamiliar in any area of my life. And I usually hate going to clubs and trying to make chit chat – but I do it anyway because it needs to be done and usually pays off in some fashion. So being confident and strong – most of us never really have those traits perfected. They come and go, and certainly in my case I usually have to fake it and just move through the fear and doubt. Sometimes it still stops me but that’s just part of it too.

As for meeting others and getting out more, my advice is always to check out the clubs or transgender groups or events in the nearest large city. Even if you have to drive and get a motel room to go somewhere, it’s usually worth it. And at most events and clubs you can always just go in guy mode if that’s easier. The key though is just going, and in fact it’s worth it even if it isn’t fun and doesn’t turn out well, because then you’ve pushed your comfort zone a little and the next time it will be a tiny bit easier. The thing to avoid, though, is going out, having a bad time, and then saying, “Well, that sucked, so I’m not ever going to try again.” I’ve been to lots of parties and clubs where I had a really lousy time and could have stayed home and done laundry and would have had more fun. But there’s no regretting any of it. Just making the effort is reward enough. And if you don’t take the risk you lose the potential payoff that might occur. So go out and get out of the closet to whatever degree you can handle. It’s really stifling in there.