This was a tough weekend. As I’ve mentioned here before, I’ve been going to a straight bar here in Denver, the Santa Fe Tavern, that does Friday night karaoke, and several other crossdressers and TG girls have been going too for the last six months or so. I’ve really enjoyed it and almost always had a nice time hanging out with friends. The owner and staff always seemed happy to see us and treated us well. Then Saturday morning I read a message that was forwarded through Facebook informing us that the management felt our presence was scaring off other patrons and that the trans-community was uninvited and asked not to return. Reading it, I felt that emptiness where you don’t feel much at all – just a vague disbelief and surprise, as though certainly it’s all a big misunderstanding. But no, apparently we’re really not welcome anymore.
The news left me rattled pretty bad and is especially bewildering since, like I say, it always seemed that we were accepted. The irony for me is that I found my first year in Denver to be kind of tough, and this bar was the first place I found where I felt like I really clicked and connected. It was like, oh, I’m finally making some progress in this city. So to be turned away is especially disappointing. I’ve had minor hassles before and was followed once leaving a club, but I’ve never been told by an establishment that I’m simply not welcome, so this is a new one for me. There’s not really much to do about it. Legally, I’m pretty sure a bar owner can choose whom she wants to serve, and who wants to go back to a place where you’re not wanted anyway? So I’ll be trying to find someplace new to go. Anyway, I’m heading to L.A. for a visit later this week, so maybe the timing is good for a little break to shoot some new pictures and go to a few L.A. parties, including the Club Fantasy party on November 4th.
Sandra:
As you say, you probably don’t want to force the issue of going somewhere you’re not wanted, but apparently Colorado law would be on your side if you did. Note this link:
http://www.dora.state.co.us/civil-rights/
and especially this part:
“Colorado prohibits discrimination against individuals because of sexual orientation, which includes transgender status, in employment, housing and public accommodations.”
In part, “public accommodations” is defined:
“any place of business engaged in any sales to the public and any place offering services, facilities, privileges, advantages, or accommodations to the public, including but not limited to any business offering wholesale or retail sales to the public; any place to eat, drink, sleep, or rest, or any combination thereof….”
The bar owner is breaking the law.
Dani
Thanks for sharing that, Dani. That’s very interesting. I’ll post more if there are any further developments.
They might be surprised by how many people enjoyed you all but maybe didn’t express it. And then what happens is a few people say “well I like them OK but frankly I think some others don’t”. This is to show how liberal they are compared to other patrons. Liberal but afraid to express anything positive lest they be considered too liberal(read gay). It’s a weird dance I’ve seen several times, especially with men unaccompanied by a woman and afraid what others might think about their intentions. I’d wait a couple weeks and go back with another girl friend, sit at the bar, order drinks and listen. Often a patron or employee will say “hey where u guys been?” An empty bar is best as the bar tender is less afraid to speak frankly and you can kind of probe the actual feelings going around. It also reminds him/her about their empty tip jar.
You can always tell who the most daring explorers are by the arrow wounds in their back. ;) cheerio
Aw thanks so much, Babette…That was really nice of you – I needed that!
Heh. Denver isn’t Los Angeles. Or New York, San Francisco, or Seattle for that matter. I’m not aware of a single straight bar that would tolerate this on a regular basis here. There’s still a lot of the Old West in peoples’ attitudes here, and that means pretty conservative behavior. But hey, at least it’s not Colorado Springs. ;-)
Try Boulder sometime, its very liberal up here! Everyone is very accepting, some of the college kids can be annoying, but still pretty open minded and accepting of people.
Thanks, CM. Yes, I should try to get up there sometime. It is a really nice city!
It’s their loss. You can be perfectly happy without going to a bar run by cretins.
I could see it if you gurls were hustling the customers at pool or darts, but singing? Whenever I think of crossdressers in a straight bar I always think of the old Bud Light commercial where guys dress in drag so they can have free drinks on ladies night and procede to hustle the real girls at pool.
There is a large gender and trans folks here in denver. There are several gender organizations in denver. One the “Gender Center” has a facebook page. They can provide all kinds gender –helps They run plan meet-ups at local restaurants, I sure they can make recommendation where you can go and feel welcomed and safe. search gender center denver or check yellow pages gender center is 303 202 6466 Also check phyllis fantasies (make up and shop)
Phyllis also runs a local Meet-up Group
and there is Studio Lites (large gender shop) at 333 n. Broadway.
Sandra, i hear what you’re saying. And i can understand that emptiness. Having had a career in sales once, we were taught that every “no” gets you closer to the next “yes”. I know it’s disappointing because you thought you had already found that “yes”, but now you’ve gotten past the “no” and are now one step closer to the next “yes” and maybe the next one will really be a big “YES”.
Thanks, everyone, for all the nice comments. And thank, Karen, about the Denver scene. Yes, actually I try to make it to the GIC’s monthly CD group when I can and I love the MeetUp Group – Phyllis is a terrific lady!