2018 Quickly Draws to a Close

2018 has been an interesting year for me and a good one! As I mentioned earlier I signed up with a new healthcare plan which helped me get back into therapy. I’ve been in therapy a number of times over the years and I highly recommend it (as long as it’s a good therapist whom you feel some rapport with). Just to be able to share stuff openly and not keep it inside – it’s been a huge relief for me.

I also mentioned on Twitter an interesting podcast series about Pornhub and the effect it’s had on the porn business. It’s called “The Butterfly Effect” and it’s fascinating, although, hey, I’d listen to it just to hear the host, Jon Ronson, and his Welsh accent. (Here it is on iTunes)

photo by Michael Keye

One of the takeaways from the podcast is that sites like Pornhub (as well as social media in general), have created an atmosphere where many consumers now feel that naughty pics and videos should be free. Of course this has had a negative effect on the porn and fetish website businesses. It didn’t really hit me till about three years ago but I certainly have noticed a downturn, which I’ve alluded to before. It helps that I have a very specialized website, so not all my stuff gets reposted (though a lot of it does). I never scold anyone when they write and tell me how much they love seeing my stuff on the tube sites, but I always nicely explain that those videos are all stolen and pirated. And besides, I understand how it is. I used to watch old bondage videos myself on the German site MyVideo till I finally gave up the habit. And soon after that the site changed its format anyway. I really doubt, though, that very many people here reading this blog look at my stuff on the tube sites anyway, as so many of the comments here are from regular viewers of my site or people I know.

I say this every year, but I do really appreciate each of you here who are currently members of my site or have been in the past. Without your support it would not happen (or it would just be a fraction of what it is now with an occasional update). So thank you so much! And I understand too if joining a paysite like mine just isn’t in the budget – I know how it is. I’m definitely still in the bondage game, though, and I plan to keep going for as long as I can. I’m actually more excited about the coming year than I have been in a long time. Maybe the world is going to hell and California may burn to the ground, but in the meantime I’m looking forward to shooting some hot new stuff in 2019 (even if it is among the embers!)

On a more serious note, earlier this year after Anthony Bourdain’s and Kate Spade’s deaths I did write a heavy blog post on mental health issues and suicide. I got some really nice responses from people. And then I started to feel self-conscious about what I had written and I even considered taking it down. I was worried that I said too much. I didn’t want to come across as though I defined myself by my suffering, and I didn’t want to sound like I was too “troubled.” But from the emails I got I know that the blog post touched some readers so I decided to leave it up. I still have days that are a struggle, when it can feel like a real grind to get anything done, but I’m actually doing much better than when I wrote that post and I feel like I’m ending the year on a nice upswing.

I hope that everyone out there reading this is hanging in there and doing okay. In spite of the craziness of the world that we live in I do think it’s going to be a good year for many of us, so I hope we all stick around for another one. In the meantime, keep it tight and hide those knots from prying fingers. See you all in 2019! Hugs, Sandra

photo by Delilah Knotty

14 thoughts on “2018 Quickly Draws to a Close”

  1. i have followed you off and on for quite a few years now and admired your photos and videos, you have only gotten better with time, and i am very jealous and envious of your success, but truly proud of your successes. i wish i had your strength of character to follow in your footsteps. i am now in my seventies and only now am trying to find my way to a least confessing my true feelings about dressing and bondage, while you had the courage to follow through, good for you as i now have to live with my cowardness, hoping that if reincarnation is true i will come back with a little more conviction and strength in my character to follow through with my love for bondage and crossdressing as you have, the only problem is family and friends is really not a problem, if they love you and are a true friend , they will still love you, as far as others are concerned who cares, we all have to live our lives as we see fit, so good luck to you and have a great life, an admirer of a strong decent person, have a happy new year

  2. Dear Sandra,

    It is really good to hear that you are doing well and feeling upbeat, despite the trials and travails of running your own website business. I think we all greatly appreciate what you do and the quality of your work, I certainly do! As I’ve said before, Sandra you’re the best!

    Have a Merry Christmas, and here’s to a Happy New Year!

    Hugs, Jeanne

    p.s. – That picture of you with your hands on the floor and your knees on the chair is so cute and sexy, just love it!

  3. Thank you for a wonderful year of great photos, videos and you being you. You are the sexiest bondage model today and have been for years.

  4. Tony Bourdain’s death hit me the hardest, and I still think about it. I’m sad at losing him, angry that we didn’t see the signs, and know how hard it is when you’re that down to ask for help while hiding it from those close to you.

    Don’t take the article down.

  5. You mentioned therapy, and it brought a couple of things to mind, one of which was when I turned up dressed for the first time and almost gave the dear woman a heart attack 😊 However, the other thing was that I did ask her at one point “Am I ill in some way because I dress?” I’ll always remember what she told me: “No, you’re not ill. And if you’re not ill, you can’t be cured”. We’re not sick, so we can’t be cured. We’re just different, kinky, call it what you will. The people I know in the CD/BDSM communities are probably the most stable and rational people I know, and I’m proud to know them.

  6. One thing is for sure Sandra, you’re as stunning as ever, and still an inspiration to me at least.
    I’m a Briton, I don’t share feelings easily, I’m still a closet BiCD, but then, it seems to work for me.
    I meet the occasional Trans, but have to fit it in with other, non-trans events in my life, but when I do, the feeling is just, wonderful.
    Keep up the good work, from a loyal follower xxx

  7. Thanks, Everyone, for the nice comments! I appreciate you all for posting!

    A few specific comments…

    @alice…I understand the difficulty of coming out, especially for those of us who have been around a little longer. It really was a different world back before the internet. While I don’t consider myself all that courageous I have been very lucky in that I haven’t had any really awful reactions from family and friends.

    And thanks for the feedback, @Zelda Rose. I’ll keep my earlier blog post up. I found Anthony Bourdain’s suicide very upsetting. I find I can’t watch his show anymore. It’s just too sad too see it and imagine what he might have been going through…

  8. Thanks, @jeanne, for the support. I appreciate it! That silly picture was so much fun shooting with Delilah :-)

    And, @joanne, it sounds like you have a good therapist. A good one can make such a difference :-)

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