The other day I had an interesting experience appearing on a panel on bdsm and alternative lifestyles at a college in Thousand Oaks, CA. It was a small group of maybe 15 graduate students who were all studying to be therapists and there were six of us on the panel with different perspectives – gay, straight, and tranny (me). I thought I’d be pretty nervous but actually it was really laid back and I felt quite relaxed. I’ve never been talkative, and true to form I was one of the quieter people there, but I seemed to do well enough and answered some questions without sounding like a total nut.

One of the topics that came up was about the so-called “bdsm community,” of which I have to admit I’m sometimes a little skeptical. The variety of interests that are usually included under the term bdsm are so diverse that it’s sometimes hard for me to see that there really is one over-arching community holding everyone together. I have quite a few kinky friends and acquaintances, and there are organizations I like and events that I like to attend from time to time, but does all that make a community? I don’t know the answer. I can’t say I really “feel” like I’m part of a community, but maybe I am. I’ve never been much of a “joiner” either, so maybe that explains some of my questioning. And even though it looks like I’m fairly active and involved, I’d have to admit that at parties and events I oftentimes feel like more of an observer than an active participant. So it’s a tough question to answer. My own personality quirks may just be a big part of my feeling of being separate.

Speaking of the “community” question, here’s an interesting article I recently read on the same topic