I wasn’t sure I should post this as I don’t like to post things where it sounds like I’m complaining. But, well, one thing I’ve noticed the last few years is an increase in “ghosting,” or the habit that some people have to just go silent or incommunicado during an email exchange.

It’s strange but I’ve had a number of such exchanges in just the last few months. I’ll be emailing with someone who’s interested in meeting to take pictures, they look good and are into bondage, it sounds like it’s going to happen, and then once it becomes time to commit and choose a date, the conversation goes silent. It’s baffling. On the one hand, I get it. Doing a photoshoot for Trannies in Trouble is a big step. There is some risk putting your face out there on the internet. But most of these people are people who have written me inquiring about doing a photoshoot.

I do have a little theory, which I have no data to support, but I sense that social media and smartphones have contributed to this weird self-defeating habit. So much online communication nowadays, especially texting, which has become so insanely popular, feels almost “throwaway” – you chat with someone, you put it out there, and if you lose interest, well, just close the tab and move on. I certainly didn’t find ghosting to be so common even ten years ago, although on Fetlife people have often complained about the general flakiness in meeting others.

The crazy thing is that among crossdressers and people who are into bondage, it’s a fairly small group of us who are online talking about this stuff and willing to meet, and one’s reputation does get around.

I actually had a really nice local CD write me back just last week and tell me that she was having second thoughts and felt she wasn’t really comfortable modeling right now. Getting such an honest message like that is very rare and I wrote her back to say that while I was sorry to hear she didn’t feel up to shooting, I actually respected her even more for being so honest and up front about it. For someone like that, the door will always be open for her if she ever changes her mind.

Of course no one is required to follow through on a photoshoot with me, even if we’re in the middle of planning a meeting. Even if someone wrote me the morning of a shoot and said, “Hey, I’m having second thoughts and don’t want to do this after all,” well, it would be disappointing and probably pretty annoying but, hey, I’m a realist and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through with it if they didn’t want to. I certainly don’t want to be the kind of producer who pressures people to do stuff that they aren’t comfortable with. That’s just bad karma. And in the scheme of things it’s not that big a deal if someone changes their mind. I’d rather hear “yes” but “no” is also fine. It’s the sudden silence that’s just so baffling and crazy making. I know I’m not the only one.

One thought on “Ghosting”

  1. I’m guilty of doing this on occasion. I think it’s like anything in life, you get excited about the idea of doing something. But there’s always a phobia present. For me it’s always the hardest to do something for the first time. I get a lot of anxiety because I’m uncertain how things will turn out. Can be anything like driving to a new place, trying.a restaurant out, etc. You tend to go with safe routines.

    And I think to your point, the smart phone thing and internet does present new challenges. Like in my case, I’m a super private person. I’ve been bullied growing up and have low self-esteem from the way I grew up. So I get scared at the thought of those who think they know me discovering the other side of me that I want to keep hidden. Especially in.a place like LA where I live and generally work, your reputation follows you. For instance, there was a guy at my last job that got fired because people found his twitter account where he posted some rather explicit photos (he also bragged about it). But stuff like that sticks and sometimes it can influence something critical like your job.

    But as you mentioned, ghosting is the easy way out because up until a certain point, there’s no obligation. Also, the anonymity of it all. I personally don’t like doing it myself but generally there’s no consequence of this thing, which is why it continues.

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