I also got out today with a friend and finally saw There Will Be Blood, and was completely blown away by it. Like everyone’s been saying it’s absolutely amazing and Daniel Day Lewis is incredible. You gotta go see this one.

Website with trailer

It’s funny but when I travel my libido always goes through the roof. I don’t know if it’s just the stress of being away from home, as I’m pretty much a homebody, or if it’s (to be blunt) the fact that I don’t feel comfortable masturbating when I’m staying with family (pretty obvious why that might be weird), but I always find myself ready to peel paint off the walls with my fingernails after a few days.

I find too that when I’m at the airport, or just out and about, I’m always checking out the women, especially the nicely dressed ones, and feeling that familiar longing and desire. It’s the usual transvestite thing – I desire them AND I want to be them and be tied up being them, etc. etc.

Then yesterday I also saw with my family the movie Charlie Wilson’s War, which is very good and very funny, and also has some really hot women in it, including all the office secretaries who are so damn cute. There’s one shot of this adorable girl walking from behind with her high heels and legs and fitted suit and her ponytail swinging back and forth. Yikes! Well, I sound like a total perv but so it is. The lust and yearning just drive themselves into me like a screwdriver. It’s good to be back home and be able to get some relief from it.

I’ve noticed a few bloggers requesting images of the “Captivity” billboards that were recently taken down in L.A., so in the interests of contributing to the ongoing brouhaha, here are a few more pictures.

Here’s a poster, also quite disturbing and kind of artsy:

And something with duct tape:

I was out the other day and saw the billboard for this new movie “Captivity,” and thought, “Wow, that is really sick.” It was located right across the street from an elementary school, believe it or not. And later I saw another one at a city bus shelter.

Now I enjoy a good horror movie, but even I thought it was a bit much to have such a gruesome image inflicted on everyone who goes by, including children. I know if I were eight years old and saw this, I’d be thoroughly traumatized by it.

And I just heard on the evening news that there have been so many complaints about the ads here in L.A., that the studio has decided to take all the billboards down. It makes you wonder if it wasn’t just a very successful publicity stunt. They’ve gotten all kinds of attention for their movie, which is what you want.

The big question: Does it have any good bondage in it? I saw the trailer for it and it looks like it might have one or two tame moments – maybe hand gagging and wrists tied together. But of course, who knows? Early reviews seem to say that it’s pretty bad and basically a rip off of the “Saw” movies. Will I go see it? Well, yeah, I probably will – but I’ll wait till it comes out on DVD.

A friend recently sent me a couple of old Sally Roberts VHS tapes which I checked out the other night. I love that stuff from the late 70s and early 80s. Technically the videos are pretty bad, but as a model Sally Roberts was so good that she overcomes all the glitches and corny acting. She just nails that whole girl next door look and is really hot, with a super cute voice and that straight brown hair. There was one scene where she’s being held by Susan Blair (another regular from that period) and Sally asks in the cutest way, “I don’t suppose you have to gag me?” So, of course, she gets gagged – and very well, with a wad of cloth shoved into her mouth and a long white scarf wrapped between her teeth and wrapped twice around her head.

I’ve looked at way too many bondage pictures and videos over the years, which has kind of deadened the spark a little, so to speak. But I was amazed at how hot this scene was. It was simple but had a real charge, like back when I was 18 and went into my first adult bookstore and – holy cow! – saw this whole wall of bondage books and videos. My mouth went dry and I felt weak inside. It’s frustrating and a little sad that when you get older re-awakening those old feelings becomes so much harder. But every now and then something still really connects and takes me away.

Anyway, these tiny pictures are from some different Sally Roberts tapes, but still nice to look at.

I did tear myself away from the computer for a little while, though, and had a chance to see the DVD of this movie “The Descent,” about six women friends who go caving and end up in big trouble. I really liked this one. It’s super creepy. And has a rather cool website too.

Yesterday I went out to see the new David Lynch movie, “Inland Empire,” and I thought it was really great, and so freakin’ weird, and even scary in parts. It’s really long too – 3 hours. The first hour is the most straighforward part, in terms of having something like a story and plot, about a has-been actress named Nikki Grace (Laura Dern) working on a melodramatic movie called “On High in Blue Tomorrows,” but after a while it just goes crazy and much of it is like watching extra-long versions of the really strange scenes from “Twin Peaks” or “Mulholland Drive,” where you don’t know what the heck is going on but it feels like it sort of makes sense – or not – in an emotional sort of way. I tend to love stuff like that so found it thoroughly enjoyable. Apparently it was shot on regular ol’ DV video – not even the hi-def stuff – but it works surprisingly well on the big screen and fits the weirdness of the movie. If you like David Lynch, you’ll love this one; if you don’t, your patience will be thoroughly tried. It looks like it’s just in limited release right now so it may take a while for it to come around. If you have a chance to see it though, I’d definitely check it out.

Inland Empire Website

Yesterday I had the day off so I was able to help out on a little video production that was going on in North Hollywood. A friend told me that the guy making this short zombie film needed some bondage gear as props, and hoping for an interesting experience, I agreed to volunteer a day helping out. This had to be the slowest video shoot in the world. I arrived at 8:45 AM as scheduled, but was told by the Assistant Director – a very nice and able guy – that some problems had come up and they probably wouldn’t start shooting till 1:00 PM. So, okay, I went back home and edited some pictures for my website.

Later in the afternoon I went back and found that things were still running late. An actor was unavailable and someone was dispatched to Whittier to pick him up (a very long drive). At one point it was about 3:20 and I sat there on the set (the crew and actors wandering around, smoking, taking naps on couches) thinking, “Okay, I’ll give it till 4:00 PM and if there’s still no sign of activity, I’ll just leave. Fuck it.”

3:45 came and it was announced, “We’re very close to shooting.” “Damn,” I thought, “I’m stuck here.”

Well, things continued on. A couple actors in elaborate zombie makeup were with the director, working out the scene. Lighting was tweaked, the tripod lowered and raised, the lens on the camera was changed. It was pushing 6:00 PM and they still had not gotten to a single shot for the day – nearly nine hours.

I’ve worked before on TV commercials and the occasional doomed independent film back when I lived in Colorado, but this was a record for me for the amount of time to get something – anything – shot. Memories of those times came back and I remembered why I hated working on film crews. There’s endless waiting and hanging out, and I’ve never felt comfortable making chit chat with people I’ve just met. It’s like a situation designed for my social anxiety to come rushing out.

Finally when the camera did roll, the director was struck by how cool the actors feet looked walking into frame. So it was decided: they would shoot close ups of feet.

Okay, the director is actually a nice guy, whom I’d met a couple weeks before – a young film guy looking to get into the Hollywood scene – but he just seemed in way over his head. (And I sure hope he doesn’t read my blog.)

I was finally able to leave after 10:00 PM and I signed out some handcuffs and leg shackles for the next day’s shoot and let them know I was “unavailable” to return. I hope I get my stuff back Friday.

Well, I was out of town again this last weekend, visiting my parents in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia, where the weather was actually cooler than it had been lately in Southern California.

On the plane trip home they were showing the gender bender comedy, “She’s the Man.” It looked pretty lame, but did have the cute Amanda Bynes dressing up like a guy to play on the soccer team at her boarding school. It was apparently based on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night.

Thankfully the star of the movie is twenty years old, but she looks so young that I still feel like a total perv looking at her pictures.

I saw in the L.A. Weekly that there’s a 20-year anniversary re-release of Blue Velvet, one of my favorite movies. I remember first seeing it when it came out in ’86 and being completely blown away by it, sitting in the theater afterwards and going, “Damn, what was that…?” I can’t believe it’s been twenty years already.

I recently saw that Al Gore movie on global warning, “An Inconvenient Truth,” and found it quite disturbing. If that movie is even partly true, we are so screwed as a species. I have a friend who thinks it’s just a political move for Al Gore to score points for a future run at being president. Perhaps. The whole global warming thing is obviously a controversial subject, but I’m a bit of a fatalist so it kind of appeals to me.

Then yesterday as I was flying home I noticed all the fires raging out around San Bernardino. Looking out the window from the plane, I could see huge billows of white and orange smoke. It was both beautiful and creepy. I’ve often thought that the human creature will most likely eventually become extinct, whether it’s next year or thousands or millions of years in the future. Global warming, nuclear annihilation, a stray asteroid, who knows? But extinction happens to so many other species, why would we be spared? Especially since we’re so good at screwing things up.

Current mood: a bit dark.

It’s been a busy couple days. Tristy was over here yesterday for a nice visit and we shot a lot of new bondage pictures. One set in particular I really enjoyed. She shot some pictures of me tied up in the doorway, with a rope running down to the leather collar around my neck, forcing me to stand on tip-toe to avoid choking myself. It’s probably not good that dangerous stuff turns me on so much, but I did rather enjoy it. My face is turning a tiny bit red from the constriction. Here’s a little peek.

Later it was getting really late and somehow we ended up watching this really bad movie called “Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde.” It was about as lame as one would expect but it did have some pretty hot scenes with Sean Young. There’s no bondage but she does wear some nice business suits and this really sexy green leather dress.

Sean Young looking quite hot.

I remember she was also in this excellent “strung-out-on-coke” movie called “The Boost,” back in 1988, where in real life James Woods later put out a restraining order on her.

Anyway, it was getting really late so Tristy crashed at my place, but no, there was no sex – just some more light bondage for an hour or so.

So Saturday night my good friend Kim and I went out to the Lodge for some dancing and tranny watching. I wore my favorite tight black dress and Kim had a nice new wig and breast forms. A cute cute girl, A. (who does my hair), forced a White Russian on me – which contains cream and, I don’t know, heavy booze of some sort. I rarely drink and I really shouldn’t. I can’t handle much and I usually feel like crap afterwards. Plus, (as part of my recent honesty campaign), I’ll add that I also take anti-depressants, with which you’re not supposed to drink at all. As I’ve mentioned before, depression has been an ongoing struggle for me over the years. I’m absolutely the happiest I’ve ever been in my life but occasionally I’ll still have those moments of doubt and even despair. I’d love to get off the Prozac and Wellbrutin but fear that I might crash if I do. I’ve been on them for years though and it would be so nice to live without them. It’s a hassle, they’re expensive, and Prozac does tend to lower my libido a bit. But then I’ll have mornings where I wake up and life feels unbearable and I think, how the hell am I going to live without meds? Of course, probably about a third of the people in L.A. are on the same thing. It makes me wonder about our modern society when so many people need to be medicated just to get by.

Prozac and Wellbutrin websites: “I’m Ready to Experience Life!” Yippee!!! (Note: Your results may vary.)

OK, Back to the Fun. So Kim and I were at the Lodge, hanging out with friends, and I was getting a bit tipsy from one drink. A couple friends of ours took out some condoms and blew them up like balloons, making a huge inflatable cock with two smaller condom-balloons for balls. We danced quite a bit too and checked out all the other girls. It was a pretty good night. Occasionally I felt kind of alone sitting there, probably due to the booze, but for the most part it was a fun night out.

Morning After. But Sunday I woke up feeling horrible – low, depressed, and muttering to myself, “Why did I drink that damn thing?” Thankfully I had a photo shoot planned to take some pictures of Delilah. And since I was behind the camera, there wasn’t much pressure on me and it was just what I needed to relax and feel back to normal. Getting some rope in my hands and tying some knots is always a nice feeling.

Movie that Evening. Afterwards we hung out for a while and saw the opening scene to that Tom Cruise, “War of the Worlds” movie. Wow, that’s really violent and pretty creepy. I missed it in the theaters, so I borrowed the DVD and saw the rest of it last night. It’s quite good, though it’s hard to top the impact of that opening scene when the Aliens first appear and start to burst out of the ground. There are some shots with the tripod rising up through the smoke and fog that are really effective and gave me the Willies. Spielberg really captures that sense of helplessness, that there’s not a damn thing you can do to resist the invasion. I’ve read before the resonance that the film has with 9/11: There are tons of shots of people looking up with looks of shock and horror on their faces.