I was out at my favorite Denny’s this evening in boy mode and there was a young couple who sat down in the booth next to me, with their backs towards me. The girl was cute and had a nice messy ponytail and a white blouse that really got to me. It was very bright and tight fitting, with those fitted seams down both sides on her back, and you could see the shape of her bra through it. I tried not to stare, but her whole look, and especially that blouse, was so attractive that my eyes kept wandering back to her. I got that familiar feeling again, a mixture of sexual longing and that wish to have been born a girl.

I’ve talked about this before, but I often wonder when I get that feeling of yearning, how much of it is a sexual turn on and how much of it is transgendered feelings? I could never see myself having a sex change, but I remember this horror story of a transexual woman who, after going through the surgery, realized that it was her sexual fantasies that were powering her desire to be a woman, and now that her testosterone was considerably diminished the charge was no longer there and she was left thinking, “I just made a big mistake.” Stories like that just go to show how much one’s sexual urges can be wrapped up in all this gender stuff, how it’s so messy and difficult to tell what’s sex and what’s gender.