I hate to sound like I’m complaining or being sarcastic, but I got a funny email this morning. Several months ago a guy who says he has a trans girlfriend wrote me on URNA and said they’d be interested in getting together for some fun. From their profile and email it was clear that they wanted to have sex, which is fine – heck, I’ve had sex before! – but however, there was no mention of bondage at all, and not much response to it when I brought it up – a huge negative for me. So I politely wrote back and nicely declined and wished them all the best. So this morning I got another email reminding me that they’re going to be in town, in case I’m still interested. Um, I’d say there’s a certain disconnect here. I wasn’t interested in the first place. But I guess hope springs eternal, so I shouldn’t blame him for trying. No big deal.

It is interesting though, as this sort of thing happens a fair amount. The difficult thing is trying to explain about bondage to someone who’s not into it, or who has only the most casual interest. Another guy once told me that bondage was fine, but that he’s into lots and lots of other things too – as though that made him even more appealing to me. I’m afraid it didn’t. I try to get across that, no wait, I’m like REALLY into it! Like 100% into it! The way I see it, bondage IS the thing. It’s not a preliminary step on the way to giving or receiving a blowjob, which is what so many guys are after. Don’t get me wrong, with the right guy I can go there, especially if there’s a role-playing vibe of being “forced” into it, which can be very exciting, but to be honest that really doesn’t happen for me very often at all.

Another deal breaker, and one I’ve heard a lot, is “Yeah, I’m not really into bondage but I’d be willing to give it a try.” Ouch. I’ve actually made the stupid mistake of trying to do that in the past and it never works. The skills to tie someone up just can’t be taught in a half hour beforehand. You can always get some handcuffs or something like that but if you’re going to use rope it ain’t gonna happen, or at least not very well. And if the other person’s not really into it the chemistry’s just not going to be there.

Anyway, again not to be a complainer, as this is just how it is for those of us who are really really into bondage. It’s tough finding the right partner and making that connection. And yes, doing photoshoots is fantastic and great fun, but there is some difference between a shoot, where I’m worried about how I look and if my wig’s straight, and just getting together with someone who’s into the same kinds of things, with no worries about photography. To be honest, if I was more like that guy who’s into “lots and lots of other things” I’d probably get a lot more action than I do, and might even be more fulfilled with it (or might not). But I’m not like that guy and can’t pretend I am. So one continues on.