I was talking to my friend Count Boogie from “Perverted Podcast” (not on the show itself, though I have been a guest a couple time). We were talking about masturbation as a way to avoid future sexual temptation. I’ve certainly done it a few times, usually in the morning when I’ve wanted to stay off the phone sex line that I talk about in the last blog post. If you pre-emptively rub one out it does remove the temptation for a while. Boogie made the comment that I must look at really dirty nasty stuff to get off, but the truth is that what I look at tends to be pretty tame.

We all have our own private wank folder on our computers, all those old favorite pics that work every time, and I’m no different. For myself, I prefer looking at pictures rather than videos, although I have bookmarked some short ten-second videos on Twitter, basically just short loops that really turn my crank. I do enjoy the challenge of shooting videos for Trannies in Trouble, but I usually don’t look at full-length videos myself. I remember the days long ago back in my twenties when I’d rent mainstream movies to look for bondage scenes and what an exercise in frustration it was to try to find something good. One of the problems of looking at videos is that there’s usually only a short section that really turns me on and I can’t time myself to just that little section. I find still pics are typically much more satisfying, or just closing my eyes and fantasizing.

So nowadays my wank folder just contains pictures. Probably half of them are bondage pics. And the other half are pretty tame. I have lots of pics of genetic females modeling outfits – including lots of pics off the Shein and Bebe websites. And I also have many pics of cute crossdressers and trans girls. About the dirtiest they get is one favorite pic of two cute twenty-something trans girls kissing. I do have quite a few pics of CDs with erect dicks but a lot of the pics aren’t racy at all. Sometimes I’ll just like someone’s smile or their general cuteness. I don’t think I’ve ever saved a single image of humping or of butt sex or anything that you would call hardcore, although I have bookmarked two short twitter videos of genetic women giving blowjobs – just two! In one of them the woman is wearing a spectacular purple blouse that just does it for me! But that’s typically about as dirty as I get.

The other kind of pic that I often save are ones where a woman, or occasionally a CD, has a dismissive or haughty look on their face, which of course plays into my love of humiliation. (The mean CD from the last blog post had a few pics that I saved but it was more her voice and her vicious text messages that really got to me.) Back in the 2010s I came across a site called Humiliatrix, which I really enjoyed, though again in a love / hate kind of way. Mysteriously, one day in 2019 the site just stopped updating new material, although it is still online. The site has no bondage, just videos of sexy women talking to the camera and telling the viewer what a loser they are. I remember when I first stumbled across the site the mixed feelings that I had. I didn’t want to get turned on by it, but I couldn’t deny that it was working. One of the best models on the site is Becky LeSabre, who’s incredibly good at doing verbal humiliation. Some of the other models always seemed to be reading from a script and weren’t that convincing. But Becky, at least on that site, always seemed to have a true note of disdain in her mocking manner, which only added to her appeal. Of course, she was also very young and incredibly cute at the height of that website.

Obviously, what turns someone on is so personal. If you’re not into verbal humiliation then a site like Humiliatrix would seem ridiculous, which it sort of is. I mean, why would these women be so disdainful? Of course, if you’re not into CD and trans bondage then Trannies In Trouble would probably also seem equally ridiculous. I remember a guy once wrote me and said that his girlfriend found my site “creepy,” which really surprised me and actually kind of stung. I would say that the words odd or puzzling would be more accurate for someone who’s just not into what I do. But then I also wonder if that guy is still with his girlfriend! Probably not, I would guess.

I know a lot of people probably think that I have a big backlog of people to tie me up and have sex with, but that’s really not the case. I have a couple friends whom I get together with and play with – with one close friend in particular whom I see about once a month. Another close friend whom I used to do bondage play with has gotten too old to do it anymore. But my life isn’t nearly the big bondage or sex orgy that it may appear to be. I’d certainly be open to doing more but with running my site I just have so little free time. And I really am a mild germ phobe, so I’m very cautious about who I’ll meet up with. I’m the kind of no-fun person who would show up at an orgy with condoms and hand sanitizer. And on days when I do take the day off, I often find I just want to lounge around and read the morning away or watch a couple obscure movies.

The thing about life is that for most of us it’s routine and repetitive. Most weeks look similar to the week before. We see the same people and go to the same places and do the same things. Mine is the same though in my case bondage photoshoots are the one thing that usually shows up week after week. Over the years I’ve easily shot well over a thousand bondage scenes, some quite good, some less so. But it’s been consistent. Still, like most people, there’s a routine even to that.

I have found, though, that the best online sexual turn-ons are the ones that just happen spontaneously. I’ll see something on Twitter, for example, and I’m suddenly massively turned on without expecting it. Those are the best! When I’m REALLY turned on, I’ll actually get a metallic taste in my mouth. Sadly, the last time I remember that really happening was about fifteen years ago during a solitary session in the little bungalow I used to live in in Hollywood. I expect now that with age it may not happen like that ever again, but one can hope – something to aspire to!

Of course, my habits of looking at stuff online have probably warped my sexuality, but considering what I do for a living what would you expect? I’ve certainly become much more gay – or that is, more cock focused. I’m not “typically” gay in terms of being attracted to men, but when I’m fooling around with someone (usually a CD) I definitely prefer that cock be involved. Occasionally though I’ll see a guy – like a twenty-year-old twink who would make a nice girl – and I’ll think that if he were into older crossdressers, I would certainly do him, whatever that would entail. But as I’ve said before, at this point there’s no way I could date a genetic woman. It would be so unfair and just an exercise in disappointment for her. The last woman I dated, back in 2013, basically said as much, though thankfully we were able to part on friendly terms and occasionally we still even talk on the phone. But with where I’m at in my life now, my days of dating women are long over.

Well, this is a fairly rambling post. I do always go back and try to edit these posts several times to try to make sure they’re mostly coherent and readable. This one definitely has me wondering again, “Am I sharing too much here?” I hope at least some of you can relate to some of it. Of course, if you’re a regular visitor to Trannies in Trouble then you almost certainly have your own online habits and your own wank bank. We all do, so enjoy!