When I was a teenager I worked in a Chinese restaurant washing dishes. One night I was walking home in a terrible downpour. A car pulled up and a guy in it said, “Do you want a ride?” I was so soaked and miserable that without hesitation I said, “Sure,” and got in the car. We drove in silence for a while towards my neighborhood and I slowly started to get worried about being alone with this stranger. I was thinking that I didn’t want him to know where I lived. We were still several blocks away from my parent’s house and finally I said, “Well, you can just let me out here.” But the guy just sat there continuing to drive and then let out a little laugh. I felt the sickening release of adrenaline into my bloodstream and I thought, “Oh shit, what is going on?” Then in another block we came to a 7-11 store, he pulled into the lot and stopped the car with the motor still running. I got out, said “thanks for the ride,” and quickly walked away.

Later that night, still feeling excited, I had a sexual fantasy. I imagined what if instead of letting me go, he’d taken me back to his house. We would pull into his garage and the garage door would close behind us. Then he would turn to me and calmly explain that he was going to take me down to a special basement bedroom that he had just prepared where he was going to dress me up as a girl, and of course he’d have to keep me bound and gagged once he had me all dressed and made up. He would say, “You know, I’m sorry I have to do this, but I’ve been looking for just the right girlfriend for a long time and when I saw you, I knew you’d be the one. Now you can either go with me easily or you can make it hard on yourself.” I would then get out of the car and walk before him into the house and slowly down the stairs, knowing that with each step I took I was moving farther away from my old life and entering a new one that I had no power to stop. It would be a life in which the people from my past might never see or hear from me again.

This is still one of my favorite fantasies, of being kidnapped and forced to be some guy’s “girlfriend,” bound and gagged in his basement. The funny thing though is that it can never really be acted out. If it really happened, it would be a nightmare, and role-playing is fun but can never live up to the charge of the non-consensual fantasy. Still, it fueled a lot of masturbating for the next few years.