Thinking Too Much

I often feel so constrained in my day to day life, and I sometimes wonder what it would be like if somehow in a moment of divine insight everything were revealed – Everything: Is there really a God? How much of the Jesus myth is real? What end will come to my family and friends? Am I even remotely on a correct path, or just adrift? Do I really have any control over what I do, or am I endlessly acting out a behavioral loop set in childhood? Is there any real meaning or is it all random occurrence? And is there an inherent fallacy in even asking if there’s meaning?

But sometimes at two AM it’s hard to sleep, and my mind races, and just being alive can feel like a prison sentence. My gut tells me that it would be a horrible burden to know the answers to the above questions (and it ain’t gonna happen anyway, so there’s no point in worrying about it). But if by some miracle the opportunity came I don’t think I could resist. It would be like the choice between the colored pills in “The Matrix.” I would just want to know so badly. And to know would probably be to regret knowing. Well, it’s been a stressful couple weeks and I probably need a nice glass of wine and a bubble bath (if I had a bathtub).

2 thoughts on “Thinking Too Much”

  1. Hi Sandra,

    one’s life is the result of one’s choices. I mean, you have the control of your life. The random is only opportunity to make new choices. And not taking a decision is a kind of choice too. Or asking a divinity to help to see the better way to go …
    And to answer to your question (is it better to know or to ignore ?) I say it’s always better. You could regret what you don’t know or what you’ve not done, but you never have to regret what you have done, because it was only your choice. And we can all make mistakes, but when you took your decision, it was in your minds the better choice.
    Let me just tell you a story : I’ve met a woman on internet. She lives far from me. She is married, as me. I have discovered that she is the woman of my life … I fell deeply in love, but nothing is possible between us, just 2 or 3 meetings a year. I learned with her the feeling of love, that I never felt with my wife. Is it better for me to know “love” even if I can’t live my love with these woman, or to have ignored it ? I dont’ hesitate : it’s better to know…


    Paddy (sorry for my approximative english)

  2. Hi Sandra,
    I am a mature adult, agewise that is, and one is always asking ones self questions like those in your blog. My recommendation is that you get up very early one morning go up a nearby east-facing hill and watch the sunrise. It does wonders for the soul.
    Keep up the good work,

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