Diane and I emailed a while back and had the chance to shoot a fun and sexy scene last weekend. She looked fabulous in this leather outfit of hers and we shot a scene where she’s my niece being corrected for her wild ways. Here are a few framegrabs from the video; the whole thing turned out to be over fifteen minutes long with some intense Hitachi action at the end. I’ll post the video early next week and hope that Diane will be back for more stern but loving correction from her slightly demented aunt. There are a couple still shots also on the preview page at T’s in Trouble. Enjoy!
(The other day my friend Sybil and I were emailing and she very graciously agreed to write up a blog post about her life in Minneapolis where that girl gets up so many adventures with her friend the lovely Jean Bardot. Sybil’s always great fun to shoot with and hang out with and I always look forward to seeing her when our paths cross, which usually happens at least once a year, it seems. Thanks so much, Sybil, for sharing and hope we’ll see that video you mentioned one of these days, ha ha! *Hugs*)
Hello everybody, I’m honored to do this guest blog for Sandra’s website! I am amazingly lucky to call Sandra my friend. Being a lover of crossdressing and bondage, I contacted her out of the blue a few years ago and asked if she would consider me for a shoot with TranniesinTrouble and we made arrangements to meet in Hollywood at the Renaissance Hotel (now the Loews, I think?). I had never really done a photo shoot before, so I was super nervous! (I had shot with Jean Bardot before, but it was really informal as we have been friends a long time.) Anyway, I felt at ease with Sandra right away and I really enjoyed the experience. Sandra made me look really, really good, like way better than I thought I could! She understands as well as anybody how to catch her subject’s best angles. Since then I have tried to shoot with Sandra on every trip I make to the L.A. area, and it has mostly worked out for us. (With all the snow we’ve had lately in Minnesota, I need to get to L.A. soon!) Sandra and I have also hung out at Fetish Con in Tampa; the more time I spend with Sandra, the more I like her
Here in Minneapolis, I’m just as lucky to call Jean Bardot my friend. I got to know her when I was a stage manager for a burlesque show – she was one of the performers I managed! As Jean and I got to know each other better, we became friendly and I started helping her with her business in a number of ways. I help her with managing her schedule, booking gigs, negotiating deals, and if she needs somebody to tie up on camera, well hey, I can help with that too
Jean has introduced me to fun and kinky people all over the world and I cherish some of the relationships I have made because of her. This past weekend, one of our dear friends had a milestone birthday with a party in the L.A. area. Unfortunately, schedule demands were such that we couldn’t make it out there for the party… We thought about sending flowers, a gift or something along those lines, but it just didn’t seem right. And then it came to us – we needed to make a happy birthday video clip, duh!! So I wrote up a quick script, ran it by Jean, and to nobody’s surprise, it would start with Jean saying Happy Birthday with a tied and gagged tranny gurl by her side. She would remove the gag long enough for me to say happy bday and then put it back in so I could take a spanking on behalf of the birthday girl. Before starting the video, Jean used leather suspension cuffs on my wrists to pull my hands above my head, and while she was doing that, I was saying, “Okay, don’t forget to *do this* and *say that*…” but as soon as she cranked my hands up with the winch, making me helpless, she grabbed the ball gag and said, “I don’t think I need any more help with this!” And she strapped the gag in really tight, so I just sat there waiting for her to do whatever she wanted after that. Then she cuffed my feet together and started the video rolling. I have included a few screen captures from the video to illustrate! Once the video was complete, Jean gagged me again and treated me to a little scene before she let me go and got that on video too… I’m not sure I’m ready to share that just yet, though!
Well if you’re still reading at this point, thanks very much for listening and I hope you have enjoyed it! I need to stop now before this gets completely out of control, but if you want to hear any more stories, thoughts, scene reports from Minneapolis, (or whatever!) please leave a comment or mention something to Sandra and I’ll happily write up another entry! Until next time…Happy tranny trails!
I missed this last month but an online UK friend wrote with the news of crossdressing artist and potter Grayson Perry being awarded the Commander of the Order of the British Empire by Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace. Of course Perry showed up dressed and looking fabulous in a dark blue dress and hat. What an amazing person. I know my gender reference here isn’t politically correct but I love this guy!
For years I’ve meant to head down to Long Beach for the TGirl Nights put on by Jamie Jameson at Hamburger Mary’s, but with the schedule of the old TEASE parties and how they used to be on Fridays I never had enough oomph left over the next night to head down there (So glad we’ve switched TEASE to Saturdays!) So finally last night my friend Kim and I got made up and headed down the SoCal freeways to Long Beach. We got to hang out again with Cici Kitten and our new friend Fierce and we had a great time. Actually two weekends out clubbing in a row is very rare for me but it was fun and Jamie’s party has a huge turnout. If you’re into clubs full of trannies this is definitely one to check out and I’m sure we’ll be back again. They also do it on Tuesday nights for a karaoke party earlier in the evening and dancing later.
The last few months I’ve noticed a strange thing on Fetlife. I’ve heard from maybe five or six CDs who write to say hi. We might email back and forth casually a few times and then – Poof! – their profile is gone. Maybe they’ve blocked me, though I tend to doubt that. More likely I would guess they’ve maybe had second thoughts about being visible online and have simply disabled their own profile. Of course in either case they’re basically gone and it’s impossible to send them a follow-up email. It’s happened so many times in the last few months that it’s become a recognizable pattern. I don’t take it personally, as I really don’t think it’s about me at all. The way I read it, it’s just that there are so many closeted CDs out there with such mixed feelings about who they are and what we do. It’s similar in that regard to purging. Someone can come online for a while and talk about dressing and really admit to what they like, and then I’m guessing the fear and doubt set in and they pull away. I do get it and I understand the impulse but it is rather depressing to see this happen so often (along with all those faceless chopped-off-head crossdressing pictures). Obviously so many CDs are just so terribly conflicted. Or hey, maybe it’s something altogether different: I don’t know, maybe that Eastern European tranny-kidnapping ring really is preying on Fetlife CDs!
If I were going to give some advice it would be that it doesn’t have to be so hard. But at the same time I remember when I was younger I was probably just as scared and conflicted so I really do understand and sympathize. But after so many years of being out and visible it’s all become, not routine, but just not that big a deal. Yes, I still have my own moments of doubt from time to time, especially when checking into hotels dressed, but nowhere near what they used to be. I wish I could convince other gurls who are just starting out that if you take it easy and take some basic safety precautions when going out and meeting people, you’ll probably be fine. There is always risk in being more visible, sometimes big risk depending on the situation (meeting strangers from Craigslist for hookups, for example), but our own fears hold us back more than anything.
At the same time, like I said in an earlier post about coming out, I know it’s not easy and that everyone has to find find their own comfort level. I just wish these gurls could relax more, as it’s really just the disappearing without a word that’s so baffling. I don’t mean to sound scolding, as that’s not my intent at all, but I do know in the CD and trans community that this is very common behavior, almost a rule. Anyway, I’m not going anywhere so if anyone needs to reach me you know where I’m at (though the email piles up and may take a while!) But hey, if you’re cute and submissive and into being tied up and need to be comforted in your internal conflicts with some tight bondage – sorry, dear, but yes, your Aunt Sandra has to make it tight – well then, you’ll have a very good chance of hearing back from me…
Last night my friend Kim and I were able to get out to the latex party at the Oxwood Inn and we had a great time. A couple drinks in me and I was feeling very relaxed! We got to hang out with Louann Chen and Cici Kitten, both crazy party girls! I don’t get out to the Ox’ as much as I’d like but it was a good crowd, though as the music got louder and louder I found myself nodding my head and smiling whenever anyone tried to talk to me; with everyone including me being tipsy though it really didn’t matter! Fun night.
I’m always looking for new and interesting gags to purchase, especially panel gags which are a favorite. I recently wrote to JB Roper to see where he got this terrific gag in the picture below with Summer Peters but unfortunately it came from Autumn’s Sub Shop which is out of business. If anyone has any leads on other good panel gags or head harness gags to purchase online, feel free to post a link here in the comments below or email me directly. I recently bought a few on Ebay but they were mostly cheap junk, only one was worth it but I’m always looking for good new stuff, so do let me know!
Well, here we are again at the end of the year. I’ll admit 2013 has been another very mixed year for me. It did have some great highs and fun moments: there was the L.A. Marathon, which I never thought I could finish but nicely surprised myself; later in the year I dated a woman who’s one of my favorite people in the world, and although it didn’t last and she’s moving out of state for work I’m thankful that we’re still friends; the Indiana bondage parties put on by Donna Patricia Richardson were great fun and highly recommended; and there were also some very fun and sexy shoots during the year, and some great events such as DomCon (the best ever, thanks to Krystle!). There was also the Halloween parade in West Hollywood (pictures below), and a few TEASE parties that really stood out. But at the same time, not to dwell on them, there were also some real lows, challenges, and moments of doubt as another year passed.
I’m heading out in a couple days to Atlanta for my end of the year visit with my parents – my Dad’s not doing great but he’s hanging in there – and then it’ll be back to work in January. I’m also hoping that Mr. K. gets better in 2014. He’s a good friend and has always been so supportive, and although he’s having some health problems he’s slowly making a recovery.
What really stuck out for me this year though was the sense of the uncertainty of the future and of life in general, and just how quickly these years pass. Obviously, we make our plans but then life often has its own ideas. After a year like this one, which really wasn’t bad, just challenging, I’d be foolish to believe that I’ve really got it together.
I am very thankful, though, that the website continues to do well – thanks again to all the paying members who really are the ones who keep it going. If it was just me I’d have reached my limits long ago. I will probably have to look at the finances of it more closely next year as it continues to be more expensive to run since I’m shooting more with other models but it’s moving forward very well and I’m extremely grateful for that.
In any event, I’m still very happy to be back in Los Angeles, am planning more photo shoots, have some new bondage gear and photo gear to play with, and am really looking forward to making some new pics and videos in the year ahead and keeping the bondage fun going. All the best in 2014 and keep those ropes and gags tight!
It’s amazing to see marriage licenses being issued to same sex couples in a state as conservative as Utah of all places, one day after the decision in New Mexico from that state’s Supreme Court. Nine new states alone in 2013 in the US where same sex marriage is now legal, 18 total plus DC; things continue to change…
There are some friends and nice people whom I occasionally hear from on Facebook but I also get so many weird emails, to the point that I sometimes wonder if I should just cancel my profile. I’d say it’s certainly one of the sketchier social networking sites out there despite its mainstream popularity. And I don’t log on too often because of that and finally turned off the option for anyone to post anything on my “wall,” because it was just too much work to clean up. I’ve probably gotten more marriage proposals on there and emails with long passages of purple prose talking about love and searching for one’s soulmate, all from perfect strangers whom I’ve never talked with before. It’s always a little disconcerting to get those, especially when there’s no mention of crossdressing or bondage or any reference to any common interests. I’m always thinking, “This person certainly knows I’m a CD, right?” I assume they do and maybe they consider it bad manners to address it directly, but hey, no, actually if someone writes and says, “I love crossdressers and bondage” that’s great (well, hopefully they’ll write a little more than just that.) But even then we might actually have a conversation.
Just this evening I also got a request for money from someone who’s going through a tough patch. I’m sorry to hear about that but there are probably other sources of support than a strange tranny with some sissy maid pictures, but I’m just guessing here. Anyway, I’m not really upset or anything, just a little baffled at the level of bizarre. Of course, I’m not going to cancel my account, as it’s great free publicity for sending people over to my own much smaller website. Finally though, if you and I have ever exchanged emails on Facebook, believe me, I like you very much and don’t think you’re strange at all. No, of course not…unless you’re asking for my Paypal account or calling me a sweet flower of the morning who will bring you the joy and love you fervently seeketh in life (but not spelled that well). Good luck!
I was at the grocery story this morning getting snacks for the TEASE party tonight and saw a genetic woman who must have been 6′ 3″ and wearing low heels, which probably made her even a couple inches taller. The nice thing is that she looked all dressed up for the office, with a nice skirt and top and killer legs. The thing that struck me though was how much she stood out because of her height. I’m six feet tall myself, without heels, and have commented before how I’ll never really pass because of that, along with other tell-tale signs, and people often say, “Oh but there are lots of tall women out there!” Which is true, but whoa, those tall women who are out there – they really stand out! Which again, for a CD, “standing out” kind of kills it for passing. Just an observation
The whole question of whether to come out of the closet as a crossdresser, and to what degree, is a tough one. I was looking at some profiles in a Fetlife Group recently and was struck by how many of the photos avoided showing the face, which struck me as mildly depressing. And if you’re on Fetlife you’ve probably seen CDs who periodically delete all their pictures or shut down their profiles after being online for a while, and it just suggests so much ambivalence and self-doubt. I don’t want to sound like I’m wagging my finger at anyone, as I totally get what being in the closet is like; I was there myself for many many years and was so scared of letting anyone know. And yes, for many CDs the likely price to pay is just too high, so it sometimes makes sense to stay closeted.
But I do think being in the closet does take a toll on one’s psyche. It certainly did for me. I’ve always had a slightly depressive tendency to begin with and have always had this dislike of being secretive about things, but being a crossdresser I of course learned at an early age that it makes sense to be secretive. I did find, though, when I finally came out, first about my dressing and years later about being bisexual, that it did help lessen a weight that I’d been carrying around inside, and I don’t think I really knew how stressful my situation had been until it started to improve somewhat. It’s not perfect and I still struggle at times and have moments of doubt but things are so much better now than they were then.
And of course no one is ever totally out of the closet. It’s an ongoing process. With the majority of people that I meet day to day it would just be weird and creepy to insist on telling them about my fetishes and my sex life. But with the people in my life who matter it just feels better to not carry around this big secret (without going into the unnecessary details!), and at this point pretty much everyone in my immediate family and social circle knows what I do so it really doesn’t feel like that big a deal anymore. That’s the thing: when you keep something secret it just seems way more significant than it often really is.
But as I said earlier, how much to reveal is a decision that each person has to make, and for many the price is very high. I have two or three friends who could possibly end up divorced or homeless if they came out about being CDs (or trans – a whole other topic there) so it would be crazy for me to assume they should reveal themselves. But it does feel good to get things out in the open, or at least to keep things less hidden, even if it’s only revealing yourself to a few close people.
I think the unhappiest emails I get are from guys who tell me they plan never to tell anyone in their immediate circle, including their wives. I can understand the impulse but I think living like that would just be too hard and depressing for me. In most cases, yeah, their wives will probably be very pissed off and hurt and confused, even humiliated, and some of those marriages would end in divorce, but you just know one or two of those wives have their own secret dominatrix fantasies and it could have been a match made in heaven if only someone had opened their mouth! I actually know a couple cases just like that so I’m not just joking. But it is a tough decision, and personal.
In the long run, the more of us who are out the better it is for all of us because when someone realizes that they actually know a crossdresser it does slowly change attitudes. For most people in society what we do is so outside the norm that they don’t even consider the idea of males who like to dress as women; it’s not even on their radar. So the more visible that CDs and trans people are, the better – and certainly trans women and men have made far more progress than CDs have, just by the fact of the visible lives that they have to live to be true to themselves. In the end I only hope anyone who struggles with this question can find some peace of mind whatever they decide to do and whatever best fits their situation. But I’d also say, if you can come out, do so. Good luck to us all.
The other day my friend Kim and I went to the local art house to see the French film, “Blue Is the Warmest Color,” about a love affair between two French girls, one a high school student when they first meet, the other an artist with blue hair who’s a few years older. The movie’s been in the news lately because the sex scenes are very graphic and prolonged and in fact the film got banned in Idaho for being too racy. I think if someone went just for the sex scenes, though, they would be disappointed, as it’s really a very intense love story of how another person can imprint themselves on one’s soul, for better or worse. Some of the scenes near the end are achingly painful and the actresses are amazing, especially Adèle Exarchopoulos, from whose perspective the story is told. She doesn’t seem to be acting but rather channeling her desperate cravings from some inner depths.
The movie’s also gathered a lot of attention because the author of the graphic novel on which it’s based isn’t happy with how the film turned out, calling the sex scenes porn. And also the two young actresses have publicly complained about the difficult and exhausting working methods of the director, one of the actresses saying she would never work with him again. So there’s a lot of drama surrounding the movie, but as they say there’s no such thing as bad publicity. If you enjoy foreign films with a slower non-Hollywood pace you’ll probably be very moved by this one. Definitely worth seeing.
This blog has been online for quite a few years now though I’ll admit I don’t post nearly as much as I used to. Some of that is just inertia and some of it is probably owing to Twitter. Twitter is a very silly site, with a slightly cruel undercurrent since your number of “followers,” (hence, your popularity) seems to be such a big part of it. I see people who join and who hang around a while and then drift away from it, something I’ve sometimes wanted to do myself, but I still tweet (a ridiculous word) a few times a week and, well, kind of like it.
The thing about Twitter, though, is that it’s definitely cut down on my blogging since things that before I would have posted here I now just fire off in a quick tweet, especially things related to gay marriage (yay, New Jersey!) and trans / CD issues (and, uh, “Breaking Bad” – I was hooked!) I suppose eventually this blog may pass away (what doesn’t?), though I still do like it and will continue to post when I do, especially since people write me every now and then and thank me for certain posts and comments. I have a couple longer blog posts that I keep meaning to finish but they just aren’t there yet so who knows when? In the meantime I’ll just be very “meta” and blog about blogging, or not blogging as much, as the case may be…
I just had to post a link to this article, sent to me by Delilah, about a truly brave individual in Wyoming who uses the name Sissy Goodwin. I can’t imagine how she goes about in public dressed as a sissy, enduring the name-calling and discrimination, and even getting beaten up numerous times…and all the while living in one of the most conservative states in the country. Her fashion sense might not be the best but that will to live ones life regardless of the consequences always fills me with amazement. Truly a brave person, far braver than I could ever be.
I’ve been working on putting together a Trannies In Trouble book and am looking for questions that I can use to help me write some of the text. The book will be a sample of some of the better pictures from the first ten years of the website (2003 to 2013). So if you have any questions you’d like to ask me – they can be about the site, about dressing, about my personal life, really anything, don’t hold back! – feel free to add a comment here or you can email me directly (please include “book questions” in the subject line of emails). I’ll try to work the answers into the text of the book so that it’s a little different from the usual this-is-my-story description. It’s slow going but I’m hoping to have the book done by early 2014…Thanks for your help!
It’s been a while since I’ve seen my family, so I’ll be traveling for about a week in Colorado and Atlanta. It’s been over a year since I’ve been back to Denver so I’m really looking forward to it. I was hoping to be able to hike up Pikes Peak too with my hiking buddy J., although the weather’s looking doubtful tonight. But if we do, I always love the challenge of struggling up those last few thousand feet of elevation and wondering how I’m going to make it the rest of the way. Many writers have pointed out how going up mountains can be viewed as a metaphor for life and how our struggles are really mostly with the self. I know mine are; if I could just get out of my own way half the time I’d do much better. Anyway, after Colorado I’ll be in Atlanta for a few days to see my parents who are old but hanging in there. It should be a nice break and then back to L.A. to get kinky again with some new photoshoots that I’m looking forward to. More news soon, I hope…
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