You’re All Wet!

November 23rd, 2016 at 8:10 pm (life in general, los angeles)

I’ve shot a couple fun scenes this year with Delilah tying me up and dousing me with water. We just shot a new one in the bathtub that will be posted tomorrow morning (it’ll be a little early because of Thanksgiving here in the States). I actually found it a very sexy feeling to be dressed, tied up and gagged, and then completely soaked, and it’s especially intense with a pantyhose over your head and really makes you focus on not panicking. By the end of both these scenes I was practically laughing through my gag due to the crazy intensity of it. Fun sexy times and I hope we’ll do more…


What Are Your Favorite Scenarios? – Guest Blog from Sybil Minnelli

October 25th, 2016 at 4:03 pm (life in general)

(People sometimes tell me that I’m living the dream, but nope, it’s really Sybil Minnelli who’s out there doing it! I’m really thrilled to have my friend Sybil back for another guest blog post talking about some of her favorite scenarios and adventures…Take it away, Sybil!)

What are your favorite bondage scenarios? I thought it might be fun to share a bit on that topic. I have several with a damsel in distress theme (I know, you’re shocked!) I have a really strong cuckold fetish as well, but will save that hot topic for another time. I have been lucky to have had a lot of bondage play, but really haven’t had that many play partners, surprisingly…Most of my bondage adventures involve Jean Bardot in some way, sometimes even with Sandra as you may have seen here on Trannies In Trouble. I get to see a lot of Mistress Jean as we both live in Minneapolis and get along really well. She has sort of adopted me as her bottom/sub sister, a role which has me doing everything from studio manager to mouse wrangler to tax gurl…There’s only so much time for bondage play (hard to be a studio manager when I’m tied up!) but when the opportunities present themselves, we have a lot of fun! One of my favorite things is to tie myself up and get found by Mistress Jean while I’m in this compromised position. (Self-bondage is a bit of a touchy subject as it is so dangerous, so I will preface these stories with a recommendation not to do self-bondage unless you can get yourself out very quickly or have somebody nearby keeping an eye on you!! In fact, that is an order, ladies!!)

So with that order in mind, I continue…When I prep for bondage play, I’ll get dressed up in lingerie, a corset for sure, and sometimes a flirty skirt or dress to flash stocking tops. I like to wear heels with a tight, secure strap to make it difficult to kick them off once my ankles are tied together, and to keep Mistress Jean from tickling my feet (that only works sometimes!) My most common bondage method is to start by tying my legs together at the ankles and knees with ropes or leather straps. Then I’ll strap a ballgag or ballgag head harness on and slip on some elbow cuffs with my arms behind my back with a leather strap loosely holding the cuffs together. And then I’ll finish with binding the wrists by using a zip tie to connect two leather wrist cuffs together. For safety and quick release I either use a zip tie that I can break or have emergency scissors really close by in case I need to cut the zip tie.

I try to time my event so that I have a little struggling time before I get “surprised” by Mistress Jean coming over to the studio. When she finds me, I will immediately be in more trouble either for being naughty by 1) playing bondage games with myself, or 2) for leaving the front door open and letting myself get tied up by a burglar, or perhaps some other fantasy situation. So then she has to punish me by making my bondage tighter, inescapable and much more secure…One of the things I have always liked about Sandra’s website is that she is so good about writing up these little DiD scenarios and attaching them to her photo sets. Having a little context to go with the great bondage pics is a great combination!

Mistress Jean then gets to work on making me helpless – she’ll get the zip tie for the wrist cuffs tightened up and will take away the emergency scissors. Or she might remove the wrist cuffs and tie my wrists securely with rope. The elbow strap gets tightened up. A hogtie rope is added. And one of the things Jean has been doing a lot lately when I wear the head harness is to add a rope from the ring at the top of the head harness, pulling my head back by attaching the rope to the ankle rope. I commented recently how she has been tying my head back a lot after hogtying me, and she said, “I can’t help but tie that rope to that ring on the head harness when I see it!” So deliciously cruel she is. :-)

After making me helpless, she might just leave me while she goes about her business at the studio and other times she’ll beat me with a paddle or crop or whatever she can find nearby. If the Mistress is merciful, perhaps the vibrator comes into play at some point…No matter what she decides to do at that point, I find it incredibly satisfying to be under her control and have no way to get loose on my own.

I love to do this when we go to events as well, and when I do, Jean will often send out a ransom note after she has found and tied me with no escape, which brings other people over to embarrass me and/or do whatever they want. By the way, the ransom has never been paid, LOL. Someday I fantasize a variation of this DiD scenario with Sandra… We’d be finishing a photoshoot at some event like FetishCon, head back to my room and have Sandra show up a few minutes later saying, “Oh hey, Sybil, I wanted to know if you could help me with something before my next shoot.” And then she would somehow talk me into getting tied up yet one more time, with the intention of leaving me there to suffer. But then before she can leave, Jean appears and suddenly Sandra is being tied up as well, giving Jean a couple trannies to play with…

The photos here are pretty spontaneous, mostly from camera phones, so please excuse the raw quality! But they are kinda fun and give a peek into the silly things I do. Pic descriptions: a couple play photos from Bardot Studios in Minneapolis, tied at Fetish Con where I was “jumped” by Jean’s slave “The Jeffrey”, pic from the floor at Fetish Con with Quinn Demand last August, and then bound in a Fetish Factory hotel room (note the tiara sarcastically placed on my head, lol), and two pics from the Texas Latex Party where I was found by Jean, tied up and then assaulted by Jean and a model whose face I obscured a bit since I didn’t ask her if I could post this! Hope you all enjoy this and will get some inspiration to chase and share your own Damsel in Distress adventures. :-)


Puffy Shoulders Are Always a Good Idea!

October 20th, 2016 at 11:03 am (life in general)

I’m looking forward to posting a new set of pictures later tonight with this cute dress. It was a fun shoot and features more of Delilah’s trademark strict bondage, finishing up with me stuck in a closet, bound, gagged, and pantyhose hooded. I just wish the puffy-shoulders look would come back in style! :-)


TEASE Pre-Halloween Party for 2016

September 24th, 2016 at 11:20 am (life in general, los angeles)

I’m looking forward to our Pre-Halloween Party next month on Saturday, October 22nd. My friend Jessica put together this cute flyer to help promote it. If you’re in the L.A. area, come on out. It’s gonna be a fun one!


Monica Belle in Houndstooth

September 22nd, 2016 at 7:01 pm (life in general, los angeles)

It’s always a really fun time shooting with Monica Belle. She’s a blast and is always really into it. She has this adorable voice, so I always make a point of getting her talking on the phone or chatting when we shoot video. She can be both super sexy and hilarious when she’s riffing and improvising. And with her presence and personality, which really comes through in the pictures, I suspect she’d make a great dominatrix too! We got to shoot this set of pictures earlier at the start of the summer and I think it’s turned out to be one of my favorites from all the things we’ve shot together. And a nice stroke of luck, it looks like she’ll be back in town around Halloween so we’re already planning to do another one. Stay tuned for more!


Vivian Chen Returns

September 21st, 2016 at 1:48 pm (life in general, los angeles)

The recent update with Vivian in her latex dress and corset has been a very popular one, not surprising as she looked amazing as ever when we shot these last year. That same day we also shot some pics of her in this sexy red dress, which I found just as hot. It’ll be a while till I post these, probably at the end of the year but it’s going to be a good one, where she ends up with a red ballgag strapped into her mouth and then finally hogtied and vetwrap gagged over the ballgag to make it even more strenuous. I couldn’t resist posting a few teaser shots, with the rest coming later (I know, I’m bad; there are no gag shots in the red dress.) ;-) Hope you enjoy!


Expresso Depresso

August 30th, 2016 at 3:33 pm (life in general)

(I’ve talked about depression before on this blog, but for a while now I’ve thought about writing something a bit more revealing. Thanks to my friend Treiops Treyfid for the illustration and for letting me post some of his paintings to go along with this. This post won’t interest everyone so I won’t be offended if you skip it. I’ll be back to posting about bondage soon.)

“I just wish I could live your life, Sandra.”

I get emails like this from time to time. It’s flattering and I understand where they’re coming from. I can dress up whenever I want to, I go to the TEASE parties and occasional fetish events, I take lots of sexy pictures, I’ve been tied up a lot, and I get to tie up lots of other gurls – it can be pretty great. And there’s also another side to my story. I’m a depressive. Thankfully I’ve never been the kind of depressed person who can’t get out of bed in the morning and carry on. But it’s been an off and on struggle going on close to forty years now. I was always a shy and nervous kid but it really became an issue in my late teens when I spent some time in a hospital at the urging of a therapist. I can’t say that that visit helped one way or the other but the place itself wasn’t nearly as awful as it sounds. But that was long ago. Nowadays they keep an eye on you for a couple days, give you some Prozac, and send you home.

Obviously there’s a big stigma around depression and mental health issues. The subject makes a lot of people uncomfortable and the attitude is often, “Why aren’t you over that already?” or “Hey, just think happy thoughts!” Most people compare depression to the occasional day-to-day blahs that we all feel, but it’s usually darker than that. A therapist I used to see described it as a loss of vitality and pleasure in being alive. So I’m a little nervous about posting this. Although I’ve never kept my challenges with depression a big secret, I’ve also never posted anything this candid before.

Like I say, most of the time my depression is not the severe variety; it’s probably more like a low-level dysthymia, although it may be a little less constant than that condition (though some weeks I wonder). I exercise a lot to keep in shape for when I dress, but also for the emotional lift that it gives me, and I know I would feel much worse if I didn’t do that. It still sucks, though, and I often carry around this empty feeling in my chest, a sense of things, and of me, being not well, sometimes almost a physical ache. I can’t count the number of times I’ll be doing something, even getting ready to go out to a party, and I’ll think, “There it is, right below my heart.” Of course there are times when things are going well and it fades into the background. But it always seems to be hanging around and waiting, especially in times of stress, like a familiar but exhausting friend who just keeps dropping by.

When you’re really down in it, it can make your world very small and very self absorbed. It’s isolating and lonely and yet makes you avoid human contact, which could actually help. Almost all of us have one or two areas in our life that stymie us. It might be alcoholism or drug addiction, or food, or emotional outbursts, or cutting. Although being a crossdresser who is into bondage has come with its challenges, it was never the big challenge. For me it’s always been depression and its closely-related cousins, social anxiety and low self-esteem.

It does beg the question, am I depressed because I’m a crossdresser? When I was young the shame and self-hatred around sex and gender did make me feel very alone and unsure, but over time I became more comfortable with who I am, especially when I came out of the closet in my late thirties. I used to think I was “just” a crossdresser for many years, but as I’ve gotten older I would say I probably do have a mild touch of gender dysphoria too. If being trans occurs on a spectrum, say, from one to ten, then I’m probably a two, with a vague dissatisfaction and sadness about being born male but not so strong as to ever seriously consider transitioning. Still, I suspect any amount of dysphoria probably adds an extra layer of stress to one’s life. How could it not?

So the dressing and the issues around gender may play a part in my depression, but I think there were also other issues – family issues, feelings of loss, loneliness, and a sense of not fitting in. I was a good student but school rarely felt like a safe or fun place. My older brother had an especially hard time of it and was picked on a lot. Seeing what he endured taught me that it was best not to draw too much attention to myself, probably an inherently depressing way too live. My brother, though, turned out to be totally straight and non-kinky. I on the other hand, well, I still have occasional sexual fantasies about Tom Cassidy, one of my childhood tormentors from middle school. I’d love to have rough bondage-flavored sex with him if I had the chance, as either a top or a bottom – it would be so hot! He was a good-looking jock back then, though now he’s probably just a tired-out middle manager with a beer gut.

(Continued below…)

In addition to some challenging early years, which we all have to varying degrees, I probably also had some biological sensitivity to stress that made things hard and may have predisposed me to low moods. I was the kind of kid who once burst out crying and brought a small neighborhood dance recital to a halt because something about the way the girls’ skirts flared out when they spun around freaked me out. Yeah, their skirts. Another time a long flowing scarf draped around a paper-maché sun I saw on the Captain Kangaroo show sent me screaming and crying for my Mommy. Something about flowing fabrics was just really upsetting.

I took Prozac and Wellbutrin for several years but only got moderate relief from them and they gave me typical side effects, excessive sweating and low sex drive. My brother has taken medication for many years with a mostly better response, and my Dad took pills at least once that I know of for anxiety. The whole question of the placebo effect and how these pills really work, though, is controversial, and I’ve since read so much about the drugs that I don’t really have as much faith in them anymore, although that’s not to take away the good they do for a lot of people. But taking the drugs, to paraphrase Dan Savage, is kind of like Tinkerbell – you gotta believe or they’re likely not going to be as effective for you.

I’ve never been actively suicidal but like most depressives I’ve had fleeting thoughts of death hundreds, if not thousands, of times. I even remember having those thoughts one morning as a nine-year-old when life just felt like too much. In a way they’re a perverse reassurance, a kind of “what if?” in case things were to get really bad. But barring illness or a freak accident I hope to stick around for a long time. Robin Williams’ case, though, makes it clear that it could happen to anyone. I think in some cases of painful chronic illness suicide might make sense, but in most cases I see it as a kind of temporary madness, where if you had gotten through the crisis alive you would have carried on till the next one and then the next one after that. In cases of severe clinical depression those crises can be closely spaced together.

So although I’ve never had plans to off myself, I’ll also never own a gun because I know the risks too well. Statistically, about fifteen percent of depressed people finally end up as suicides. My father, who was very sick in his old age, used to love to talk about killing himself the last few years of his life, and he bought a handgun just to have around. Thankfully when he died a few years ago my Mom hid his bullets and he died from natural causes. I do miss him but I remember being so relieved when I got the news, knowing finally that it wasn’t by his own hand. He could be charming and funny, and he could be self-absorbed and exasperating. Would he have gone through with it? I don’t know, but I don’t think he ever understood that it was disturbing for us to hear him talk about how he might “just leave” if things got bad enough.

Some of the worst moments can be waking up at three AM, when my brain likes to tell me that the future will likely be very bleak indeed. I practice some cognitive techniques in order to not get swept up in my thoughts so much, although something about those wee hours can bring out the darkness for anyone. But depression can also have a weird appeal and even pleasure, like slipping under a pile of warm blankets. Victor Hugo famously described melancholy, a mild form of depression, as the pleasure that can be felt in sadness. And from Henry Rollins: “I’ll never forget how the depression and loneliness felt good and bad at the same time. Still does.”

Sometimes when I feel desperately low I’ve even tried silly things like Ally McBeal-inspired “smile therapy” or standing in front of the mirror and striking heroic poses. And the embarrassing thing is that sometimes such dumb maneuvers can actually make you feel better. Other times, nothing. But there’s this common belief that we should be able to lift our mood by force of will at any given time. Mild emotions of course can sometimes be influenced by thoughts or actions, but not always. And the stronger and more persistent a mood is, the harder it is to budge. But many people still view depression as weakness or a character flaw. If it is then I’m pretty damn flawed.

I sometimes jokingly call myself a “lifestyle depressive.” Some people don’t really have a depressive personality, and when they go through a bad spell they get through it and bounce back without any long-term effects. Others have a few depressive episodes and over time it colors their personality and makes future episodes more likely. Or maybe looking back they can see gloomy and fearful episodes as a child that in retrospect seem to be a sign of what lay ahead. Statistically, though, once you’ve had three or four major depressive episodes then you’re probably in the club for life (congratulations) and you can expect to be called on to attend future meetings from time to time. At this point it can become a default mental style and they give you the Eeyore sweatshirt.

If you can relate to what I’m saying, well, I’m sorry because depression sucks the joy out of life. Of course I’m still able to have fun, sometimes lots of fun, and there are sweet moments when I see beyond it and the future looks possible. Therapist Richard O’Connor, who wrote one of the most clear-eyed books I’ve read on the subject, compares depression to diabetes or alcoholism, conditions that have to be managed over the course of one’s life. Thankfully, taking bondage pictures is one activity that usually gives me a lift, even though I often get a little touch of nerves beforehand. So I have my good days and my bad days, and I have reminders and things written down to help me, things I do to cope and get by. And I’ll keep my gym membership for life.

Some days I feel hopeful, other days I don’t. But I’m determined not to be defeated by it.

Thanks for letting me share…Sandra


Manhattan Mini-Storage

August 12th, 2016 at 1:07 pm (life in general)

I had to laugh when I saw this photo over on Facebook, taken by Betty Lautest from France on a recent visit to the States. Very clever :-) Thanks, Betty!


Back-to-Back Sybil Videos!

July 20th, 2016 at 5:48 pm (life in general)

It just so happened that I was able to post two videos with my friend Sybil Minnelli two weeks in a row, and I really enjoyed both of them! The first one was an old video from several years ago that I set aside and basically forgot about, but I found the footage really exciting when I recently came across it again. It features the fabulous Jean Bardot as a lovedoll who comes to life and dominates Sybil, and the second one is from last year at FetishCon 2015 where I got to tease and tickle the poor gurl. I’m hoping we’ll get to shoot again later this year and do some more. Here’s a few framegrabs if you haven’t been over on the paysite recently – Hope you enjoy!


Sandra In Trouble

July 10th, 2016 at 3:49 pm (life in general, los angeles)

My friend TT just did a nice redesign on my old “Sandra in Trouble” webpage. I really love this retro magazine-inspired look that he came up with. The page is basically just a listing of my links – my main site and my profile on several social media sites. The old design was very cool at the time, something that a talented web-designer in Italy named Enrico came up with but it was time to do a makeover and this one is much more up-to-date. It almost makes me want to make an actual magazine like this!


Sissy Captions

June 3rd, 2016 at 4:29 pm (life in general, los angeles)

Someone sent me the link to this pic over on Fetlife and I found it pretty amusing. I know some people would be annoyed to see their picture turned into a sissy caption, but I kinda love it. I’d actually love to make a special gallery on my site that’s all unauthorized sissy captions with various pics from Trannies In Trouble. So if you see any out there send me the link. Gotta collect them all ;-)

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Duct Taped in My Green Skirt by Delilah

June 2nd, 2016 at 5:43 pm (life in general, los angeles)

Delilah and I had a fun time last year hanging out and shooting these pics. I was seriously taped up and going nowhere and she took loads of pictures. I just posted the full set over on the paysite, preview shots here, along with a rather naughty story of what drinking too much can lead to. Pics here are full-sized, just scaled down in the browser. Hope you enjoy!


Out in the Mountains off Angeles Crest Highway, around 2009

May 30th, 2016 at 12:19 pm (life in general, los angeles)

Well, it’s been another walk down memory lane. I’ve been posting some older pics on Twitter recently from some fun shoots with my ol’ friend Chainguy (Paul Logan), that we did in the mountains above L.A. back at the close of the ‘Aughts. Here they are plus a few more (I just scaled them down for the blog layout but if you save them they’ll be full sized, which, granted, wasn’t that big back then!) These were a blast to shoot, until finally the place burned down in the big summer fires one year. It’s probably back to normal by now but I haven’t been there in years. Fun times – hope you enjoy!


“Oldies” from Barton Avenue

April 19th, 2016 at 7:12 pm (life in general, los angeles)

Over on Twitter lately I’ve been occasionally posting some “oldies” with pictures that were removed from the site several years ago. Looking at them again I was really struck by how bad my photography was back then! But in some of them I think there’s a raw “kidnappey” quality that I think still works pretty well. I really would like to go back and find some of the original pictures and re-edit them at a larger size sometime and make them look better in Photoshop – something else I can do in my copious spare time ;-)

All these pictures were shot sometime back in the early to mid “Aughts” in the little bungalow where I lived for several years when I first moved to L.A. I never talked about it much at the time because the place kind of embarrassed me but it was actually in Hollywood, right by Paramount Studios. In fact I could walk to the corner and see the studio where the Dr. Phil show continues to be videotaped.

People often think that Hollywood is glamorous but the reality is that much of it is a dump. A lot of the neighborhoods are rough and worn out and this one was no different. I was actually kind of scared when I first moved there in 2001 and the first years were tough. I missed my ol’ regular life back in Colorado and many times wondered if I’d made a big mistake moving to this city. I could have moved back once the lease went to month to month but I stayed on, I think mainly because I knew if I were back in Colorado I’d probably stop working on this website that I wanted to make. I just knew I’d have a harder time meeting people and getting it off the ground back at home. So I stayed. I don’t miss the old bungalow at all, and tend to avoid Hollywood in general now, but at the same time it is where I started the website and shot and edited a ridiculous number of pictures there, in those tiny rooms, and the landlord never had any idea about any of it. Later when I finally moved out in early 2010 my good friend Paul (Chainguy) and I took a drawer out of the kitchen and with a sharpie wrote “Barton Avenue Studios” in the space under the counter and then replaced it.

So it is a walk down memory lane seeing these. I’d like to think my photography has improved since then though I sometimes wonder if I’ve lost some of the edginess that the early shots might have had. I don’t know, maybe. In any case there were some fun times there, especially with Delilah and with my friend Kim (who doesn’t appear on the site), and, sadly, with some friends who are no longer with us (like Paul) or who have drifted apart. The only thing I wish I’d done is shoot even more pictures there than I did…and figure out my camera settings better! I hope you enjoy :-)


Thirteen Years of Trannies In Trouble

March 23rd, 2016 at 11:52 am (life in general, los angeles)

Well, it’s that time of year again, March 23rd, and the anniversary of Trannies In Trouble, thirteen years now and going strong. Perfect timing too, as my friend TT who’s a very skilled website designer just finished the new look on the site, which went up over the weekend. The new front page is below, and underneath it the way the site used to look way back at the start in 2003. TT reworked the old “kidnap text” that used to be on the front page and added some bright colors. So the site has changed a lot, and at the same time in other ways it’s still the same CD / Trans Girls in Bondage site that it’s always been.

As always thanks so much to everyone who currently supports the site or has supported it in the past. Without you it would just be an occasional update in the Yahoo Group on those weekends when I could get away from what would probably be my lucrative data-entry career and talk someone into getting tied up (which, well, probably wouldn’t be that hard.) And thanks too to everyone who just checks out and enjoys the free pages. That’s totally okay too.

Although it is a paysite – and I couldn’t do it without all the paying customers – in many ways it’s also a labor of love. Looking back I don’t know if I’d actually recommend starting up a bondage website as a wise career path for any enthusiastic newbies, especially if they’re looking to get rich. But it has been fun (well, most of the time) and I’ve met so many nice people and have made some dear friends. So thanks to everyone in our small and unique little scene – it is kind of crazy and must look completely wacky to outsiders. But here we all are. In any case, I’ll be shooting more in the year ahead and hope we’ll all be back here again for next year’s anniversary! Till then…Hugs, Sandra


TEA Show Weekend with Ashley A. and Ada Black

March 16th, 2016 at 5:45 pm (life in general, los angeles)

The yearly Trans Erotica Awards (The TEA Show) happened earlier this month. It’s a good event and I got to hang out with my good friend Jessica (who’s not on my website, although I’ve tried!) We had a fun time, and I also was thrilled to shoot again with Ashley A. and Ada Black, who were both in town for the event.

I first shot with both of them about a year and a half ago on my rather ill-fated East Coast trip. It was a good trip in terms of meeting people and shooting pics but the planes and trains seemed to run late for the whole thing, so I consistently felt six hours behind schedule. Shooting here in L.A. was much easier!

Here Ashley appears as a webcam domme who pisses off one of her clients (we also shot a second scene that’s coming up real soon on the site). And Ada appears as a schoolgirl who gets caught smoking and ends up in the detention cell for a long night of restraint and punishment. We also shot a couple other scenes including one with her as a nosey tomboy who snoops around where she shouldn’t be. The whole tomboy look is incredibly hard to pull off but Ada does it effortlessly. It was great seeing both Ashley and Ada again and I hope we’ll be able to do a repeat in the future…Hope you enjoy!

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Kyra Pixie in a Bind

March 14th, 2016 at 8:55 pm (life in general, los angeles)

Kyra Pixie is always fun to shoot with, and I really enjoyed her most recent video where she’s a drugged-out gurl in a hotel room who meets up with her dealer and has to pay a steep price to cover her debts. She’s a natural at improvising dialogue, which makes it really easy for us to shoot little intros where she’s trying to talk her way out of a situation. Another of my favorites with her was from late 2014 where she’s a mouthey rich girl who ends up getting kidnapped. There are a few more Kyra galleries in reserve right now, and I’m sure we’ll be shooting more this year…Plus, the redesign of the free pages on Trannies In Trouble is very very close to being unveiled, and there’ll be a new preview video featuring Kyra. I’m real excited and will post more here and on Fetlife and the Yahoo Group once everything’s online.

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Shooting with Sandra – the “Victim’s” Perspective

February 2nd, 2016 at 8:33 pm (life in general, los angeles)

I’m really thrilled to have Sybil back with another guest blog post, with her perspective on our very first shoot together back in the day…Thanks, Sybil, for the nice description of what really went on and for all your nice words!

I really haven’t done that much bondage modeling…Before I met with Sandra the first time, my resume was very short! I had shot with Jean Bardot in her studio, but Jean was definitely the feature in those shoots (and rightfully so!). Shooting with Jean also had more of a latex fashion and BDSM angle for her website at that time. Other than that I had some bondage pictures taken of me at home or at parties or during private play while I was tied up, but those pics were not for the purpose of being sold, distributed or anything like that. Those times I was tied up, I was tied by people I knew very well and vice versa, so there was plenty of trust and comfort there.

So when I contacted Sandra to arrange for our first shoot together in Hollywood, this legitimately was my first bondage modeling shoot! I was really nervous when the day came – not at all about personal safety – I just didn’t want to make a fool of myself or waste Sandra’s valuable time in not being able to produce usable content. I had so many thoughts which I laugh about now…Thoughts like, “What if I get really excited and there is a wardrobe malfunction? What if Sandra molests me, how should I react? What if I can’t take the bondage and have to end a scene prematurely?” But it turns out I had nothing to worry about, I could have only dreamed of Sandra molesting me or doing something inappropriate, and we would have laughed off just about any other situation we would have encountered.

Before we met, I tried to warn Sandra that I was basically a novice, but she was very encouraging and really made me feel confident as the time approached. She did an excellent job of setting expectations from the beginning; she took a very professional approach. I knew to expect paperwork, how much time it would take, how the content would be shared/used, and had a pretty good idea of what the scenes would be like.

I was staying at the Renaissance hotel in Hollywood with Jean on this visit from Minnesota, about six years ago, and Sandra thought it would be fun to shoot there, so we made that our plan. When Sandra showed up, she did all the hard work of setting up lighting, arranging the background, and laying out all the gear for the shoot – all I had to do was try to look my best! Sandra was very calm and confident; she obviously had tons of experience and had no trouble making decisions that I would have struggled with. It was just the 2 of us, Jean had a client at a local dungeon and would likely come back sometime while we were shooting. Sandra and I made small talk for a bit, discussed the first scene, and then she started doing practice shots, testing the lights, we were shooting!!

I had followed Sandra’s site pretty extensively for the past couple years before this, and I loved the classy nature of her site, the sexy secretary looks, and the way she could make girls look teasingly sexy. So for our first scene, I chose to wear a tight black skirt with suspenders with a purple top, which I thought would be right in line with the styles I’d seen on Trannies in Trouble. My intention was to have the welts of my stockings showing, maybe even the tops of my stockings if the skirt rode high enough during the shoot. I love that look – it’s something Sandra does amazingly well in her shoots. Underneath the skirt, I was tucked really well with a black satin gaff and I wore a 26” Versatile Fashions corset, laced very tight with 8 garters pulled snugly to the Secrets in Lace nylon RHT stockings, which had an imprint on the welt. I used medical glue to attach the silicone breast forms to my chest – I did not want those sliding around that day and peeking out around the black lace 36C bra! I wore a pair of 5.5” heels which I had custom made with a thick leather strap over the arch. These pumps are really difficult to remove when that strap is tight. And I wore leather gloves, my favorite for bondage – I love the way they look and feel as they protect my wrists while making it a little harder to undo knots.

So the first shots were “glamour” shots and we got some sitting, then standing, and we tried to get a shot with the Hollywood sign in the background. I had no idea how to smile while making it look natural, no clue how to pose, it felt like my first time being in front of a camera, so I kept looking for feedback from Sandra. She was great, she started saying right away, “oh that’s nice, these are going to be great. Love the lighting. The outfit looks fabulous.” She knew I was nervous and she did a great job of building up my confidence. I was just praying the pics would come out as good as she was telling me.

After a few dozen of those shots, Sandra just said very casually, “Ok, well let’s get you tied up now.” OMG! I was so excited and scared! I sat on the edge of the bed and she started tying my ankles, and we were chatting the whole time, telling stories, discussing the things we liked and getting to know each other better. Sandra used a magician’s rope, soft cotton and it felt wonderful as she circled my ankles and cinched them snugly. The rope grabbed nicely below and above my knees, even though I was wearing some very slippery nylon stockings. She knew she had to cinch those ropes very tight to keep them in place; my legs were locked together and it felt fantastic. Sandra then asked me to turn to the side and put my hands behind my back, and at that point I knew my freedom and control were going away for a while. Sandra circled my wrists three or four times, the rope was threaded between my wrists and then with a firm pull, my wrists were tightly cinched together and Sandra was in complete control. I had no idea when Jean would return, I was on my own, I was the damsel in distress, my favorite fantasy was on! She added some ropes to my elbows, around my chest, did a little cinching on the chest ropes and there I was, inescapably tied up.

I tested the ropes a bit, but I was helpless. There was no slack in any of the ropes and yet it was very comfortable – I could have stayed in this bondage all day. Sandra had me hop over to the chair and then came the matching purple ball gag, what a nice touch! She pulled the gag pretty tight, enough so that I would not be able to get it out of my mouth. I was starting to get a little excited at this point, but that’s when I found out that this was actually work! Sandra directed me to do a number of things to create the image she wanted. I had to sit in certain postures and put my legs in a variety of different positions, which I found to be very challenging while being tightly laced into the corset and mixed with the tight bondage. I needed all of my core strength to keep legs out in front of me with my toes pointed while sitting on the edge of the chair. I broke into a bit of a sweat a couple times, but Sandra always recognized it right away and patted me down with the kind of care only an experienced tranny in trouble would understand

After a lot of shooting, Sandra abruptly said, “ok, we got some excellent shots, let’s get you untied.” And that was the end of our first shoot, just like that. She didn’t rape me, there was no play session, I didn’t have a wardrobe malfunction, there was no panic attack or anything that pushed my beyond what I was capable of or willing to do. Sandra intentionally made this a quick, easy shoot to build my confidence and see how I did, so there was no video, no hogtie, no bdsm or tickling…She untied me and I think I babbled incessantly after she ungagged me, I was on an endorphin high. Once we all agreed the first set was a success, we started working on the next two…Jean returned from her session, and we had a blast doing the next two set-ups.

Sandra gave me a copy of all the pictures immediately after we were done; I was so glad to have them right away. We had agreed to share content vs. having Sandra pay me for the shoot and owning all the content. Out of respect for Sandra’s business, I only posted two pics from the shoot, and I made sure to tag them all with to be sure I was doing my best to drive traffic to her website. Another reason I have always enjoyed working with Sandra is that when choosing what pics to feature from a shoot, Sandra has an uncanny knack for picking the same pictures I like. There have been times I have shot with other folks and thought, “omigosh, why did they choose to publish that shot??” Not that I am complaining though – different people obviously have different tastes and preferences, and I totally get that – it’s good to understand other folks’ perspectives and tastes, so even if it isn’t my favorite angle, I’m still honored when people choose to share a photo of me. But Sandra and I have very similar tastes in that regard; I know she is going to make me look good! And that is the reason I will always cherish any opportunity to shoot with this fantastic lady – she always makes me look good, better than I think I’m capable of. Thank you, Sandra, and everyone who has supported over the years! xoxoxo


Party Gurl Jocelyn L. Returns

January 21st, 2016 at 7:43 pm (life in general, los angeles)

Jocelyn L. is one of those gurls that the camera really likes. She pulls off the party-girl look effortlessly and is really comfortable at striking a pose and looking over her shoulder with that look. She was basically introduced to bondage when we shot last fall and at the time I really hoped that she’d be willing to do it again, so I was thrilled when we shot these pictures just a couple months ago. We had the classic theme in mind of the hotel handyman who finds a cute CD practicing self-bondage alone in her room and who is “persuaded” to go along with whatever she’s forced to do to eventually be set free. I know I’ve been in a few hotel rooms late at night wishing I could get into some kind of trouble like this, and I suspect Jocelyn would do whatever was required of her. Why else would she dress like that if she didn’t want the attention?


2015 Winding Down / Here Comes 2016

December 24th, 2015 at 11:03 am (life in general, los angeles)

Most years I get rather reflective and a bit melancholy when I write this end-of-the-year blog post. But you know, I have to say this has been a good year for me, so even though our world is still utterly insane, there’s really not that much for me personally to be moody about – Wow, that’s a change for me! Okay, well, I did have a slump this summer where I got into a bad emotional place worrying about the future but I got myself out of that. And I have noticed that I’m just not as tough as I used to be with the heavy bondage that I like so much, which inevitably happens to us all as the years pass.

So although there were a few setbacks, it’s been a fun and interesting year, with the amazing trip to Europe and BoundCon in May with Delilah, more fun shoots as usual, some great TEASE Parties with really good turnouts, and good visits with friends and family. Also a newly redesigned Members Area on the website done by my friend TT who’s just started working on the free site. And I always just really LOVE December and Christmas time – my favorite time of year!

I don’t think there’ll be any big trips in the new year, just planning to stay close to L.A. for a while. But I think it’s going to be another interesting year ahead in 2016…Once again, to everyone who supports the site: Thank you, I couldn’t do it without you! I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Super Solstice, Joyeux Noël, Feliz Navidad and a fun New Year’s Eve…Here’s to 2016!


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