It took me a while but I finally got around to seeing that movie “Captivity” on DVD. It’s the one that caused all the stir last year around this time with the creepy billboards.

I have to say that it’s about one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Stunningly bad. The actress is beautiful and it has good Hollywood production values in terms of lighting and photography and sound, but it’s such a stinker. I didn’t find a single moment of tension or fear or excitement in the whole thing. It was actually boring, which is strange for a movie that’s supposed to be a thriller. There were some nasty scenes of Elisha Cuthbert being forced to endure various unpleasantries – one involving a blender and some body parts is really gross, but it was all done in such a rote manner that I found myself repeatedly hitting the fast forward. At the end there’s a ridiculous “avenging angel” sequence where the former hunted becomes the hunter but it just feels like it was tacked on as a routine paint-by-numbers thriller sequence.

What’s really hard to figure out is that this thing was actually directed by the guy who made “The Killing Fields,” which is such a hard-hitting and humane picture. I have no idea how Roland Joffe got involved in this piece of drek. It’s a real head-scratcher.

Oh, and from my own twisted perspective, I of course have to mention that there’s no real bondage in the movie worth even looking at. There are some leather restraints used on a dental chair but I didn’t find anything sexy about any of it. Actually, the twisted billboard images and the DVD box art (with the actress looking out through a chain link fence with a tear running down her cheek), are way better than the actual movie. Definitely not recommended.