I was out at my favorite Denny’s this evening in boy mode and there was a young couple who sat down in the booth next to me, with their backs towards me. The girl was cute and had a nice messy ponytail and a white blouse that really got to me. It was very bright and tight fitting, with those fitted seams down both sides on her back, and you could see the shape of her bra through it. I tried not to stare, but her whole look, and especially that blouse, was so attractive that my eyes kept wandering back to her. I got that familiar feeling again, a mixture of sexual longing and that wish to have been born a girl.

I’ve talked about this before, but I often wonder when I get that feeling of yearning, how much of it is a sexual turn on and how much of it is transgendered feelings? I could never see myself having a sex change, but I remember this horror story of a transexual woman who, after going through the surgery, realized that it was her sexual fantasies that were powering her desire to be a woman, and now that her testosterone was considerably diminished the charge was no longer there and she was left thinking, “I just made a big mistake.” Stories like that just go to show how much one’s sexual urges can be wrapped up in all this gender stuff, how it’s so messy and difficult to tell what’s sex and what’s gender.

I had a chance to get out of town for the weekend and see my good friend Mr. K., just outside of New York, across the river in Jersey. He’s one of the first people I ever shot with when I was first getting more serious about bondage photography and has offered a lot of encouragement over the years. We had a great time and I got tied up nicely several times.

Then later Sunday night I went into the city in boy mode on the PATH train and got some dinner. I lived briefly in New York for about a year in ’94, so I went over to check out my old neighborhood around 2nd Ave. and 9th St. I had dinner in this Russian diner called Veselka. It’s a good place and very popular. Unfortunately I had one of those experiences where you order something in a restaurant and then immediately realize that you’ve made a bad choice. I should have stuck with the omelette, but at the last minute I changed my mind and got some kind of chicken “sandwich,” which turned out to be a rather tough and mysteriously spiced chicken breast with two pieces of bread on the side. I actually like the restaurant, and have had excellent food there before, and perhaps if I were Russian I would have enjoyed it. But I found it, well, absolutely horrible, with some vague taste of garlic and lots of other unknown spices mixed in. So I had two bites, settled the bill, and took off kicking myself for my bad decision.

A couple blocks away I found another diner and this time stayed with the omelette. It was unexceptional but adequate and helped get the weird garlic taste out of my mouth.

Heading out of the restaurant I walked around the East Village some more. I was really amazed that I lasted as long as I did when I lived there. I actually really like New York. I think it’s a fascinating place and would be a terrific place to live if you were rich. But when I briefly lived there, my overriding memory was of being terribly depressed and lonely. I moved there thinking it would be an exciting adventure and then had a thoroughly miserable year. Now, walking around again, it was good to see the place, but finally it was getting late and time to jump on the PATH train back to New Jersey.

The end of daylight savings has to be one of my favorite days. Just that one extra hour makes it feel like I’m really getting something done for a change. I’ll look at the clock and go, “Whoa, it’s only ten AM!” Yippee!

Wow, it’s been a busy week here and no blogging at all. I’ve had a couple of big photoshoots (well, big for me) and have been working at the computer too much. But last night I needed a break, so I headed over to the Hollywood Forever Cemetary, which is pretty close to where I live, and checked out the annual Day of the Dead celebration. I’d been working all day, so was just in boy mode but it certainly would have been the perfect place to dress and raise no eyebrows whatsover.

The Latino community really goes all out for it, with bands and eerie lighting and lots of elaborate altars and displays celebrating the memories of the departed. I had a couple of Churros covered in brown sugar and wandered around checking out the sights. Very cool and they have a nice website with pictures too.

L.A. Day of the Dead

I’ve had Mom here visiting from out of town for a couple days and just took her back to LAX yesterday. Mom has some vague idea about my “lifestyle.” At least she knows that I’m a crossdresser and that I have some sort of website, but beyond that we don’t discuss it much (not that I would particularly want to).

So the other day while doing some site-seeing, we were driving down the street here in L.A. and passing by some people on the sidewalk, I notice a somewhat flamboyant looking tranny crossing at the corner. Mom (bless her heart) says, “Wow, did you see that woman?” I was just about to explain that that’s no ordinary woman, and then thought the better of it. I closed my mouth, mumbled something, and we continued on.

I’m not very much into having sex with guys (heck, or with girls for that matter), but I’ve always found the fantasy of the male kidnapper to be a real rush – falling into the grasp of some guy who keeps me tied up in his basement and occasionally forces me to do awful things against my will. That’s a strong sexual fantasy for me. I’d say the closest I’ve come to it was when I met a guy a few years ago who went by the name of “Ringgag.” I’ve talked about my times with him quite a bit on the Trannies In Trouble website and had some very memorable scenes with him. I’ve heard from others who thought that he perhaps played at too risky a level of intensity, and he was a bit notorious on the bondage.com message boards, expressing strong opinions and ruffling some feathers. (Yeah, I’ll admit he could be a little bit obnoxious at times.)

Because he was from out of town I only got to play with him a few times, but they were very memorable. Oddly enough, we never actually had sex. But he had a strange and bizarre imagination when it came to bondage and he could create a strong atmosphere of control over another person. I’ve talked before about the scene we did where he tied me up and then folded me up inside a sofa sleeper that had had the mattress removed. Once inside it, he replaced the cushions and from the outside you would never know someone was in there. I stayed that way for over two hours and had no clue when I’d be let out or what he was up to.

Then one day he seemed to disappear. My emails went unanswered and that was it. A year or so later I learned from a mutual friend that he had passed away, though I never knew the details of how he died or much about his life beyond the kinky times that we had shared. I had mixed feelings when I heard the news. On the one hand, I still miss him a little. He was really talented. On the other hand, there was a part of me that always felt a little twinge of fear about getting together with him – that feeling of getting in over my head – which of course made it that much hotter. So a part of me thought (not that I wanted him to die), “Well, maybe it’s for the best that it ends with only good memories.” I still think about him though from time to time. He was very mysterious and I can’t say I ever figured out what he was all about.

It’s quickly nearing that time – the next Club Fantasy is coming up in a couple weeks, October 20th from 8 till 12:00 AM (though it usually runs later). Last month we had our biggest turnout yet with lots of girls tied up in the front room. Several people from outside of the immediate L.A. area even came out and braved the freeways. Mark your calendar!

Club Fantasy in North Hollywood, CA

It was another busy weekend. Saturday afternoon I went to the Threshold BBQ / potluck and ate way too much. Gotta love those turkey dogs! It was pretty nice just hanging out with people and taking it easy for a couple hours. Later my friends Bettie Cho and Chainguy showed up and we all stayed for the party that evening. I’d just bought a stainless steel nosehook from JT’s Stockroom and surprised Bettie with it once I had her in a tight hogtie. The hogtie’s a perfect position for using the nosehook, adding a thin cord to it to and running it back over the top of her head to pull her back and make her look like a little piggie. It’s truly diabolical. I then added a clothespin to each earlobe and caned her ass pretty well. And, heck, I’m not even into pain – no, really…

Later we did another tie on the big steel suspension cage they have there. Bettie was standing up with one leg tied up in the air so that she had to balance herself on her left foot. It was another excrutiating position for her and again I brought out the cane for her ass and thighs. I think Delilah must have corrupted me. The last time we did the webcam, Delilah caned Bettie so hard that she made her cry. And I have to admit that sick as it sounds, it was pretty neat. So it was a repeat performance and once again Bettie shed a few tears.

The downside of the evening was that the party was empty. There was such a small turnout that the energy level was pretty low. That gave us free reign of the place but I’d rather have it rockin’ and have some spectators to play too.

Then yesterday was the monthly bondage workshop, this time being presented by Miss Susan, who gave a great demo on her pseudo-Japanese style of tying and nerves and pressure points. It was really nice to be in the audience for a change. I’ve got to find more guest speakers for the future.

I haven’t been blogging much lately, but it was a pretty busy weekend. Friday we had the Club Fantasy party and had our best turn-out yet. It usually starts out slow but by ten or eleven it’s usually humming along with quite a bit of play. At one point there were four scenes going on in the big room and later a friend pointed out that every single one of the girls tied up was Asian. I hadn’t even noticed till it was mentioned. I guess if you’re Asian and you go to Club Fantasy, you’re getting your ass tied up!

Then Saturday night at the last minute I ended up once again going out to the Lodge with my friend Kim for the very last night before the club shut down for good. The weekend before we’d done the same and saw many of the same people. This Saturday though seemed like just about any other and by 12:30 or so we’d had enough.

Then Sunday I shot some pictures with Delilah for her site and had a lot of fun. We again did some outdoor public bondage. Delilah modeled and I shot the pictures. Whenever we do that I always have a feeling of dread and fear before we start and then once we’re doing it I forget all about my anxieties and just click away. Afterwards it’s such a feeling of relief and we’re usually laughing our heads off.

So this Friday, it’ll be the next Club Fantasy TG Bondage Party. I’m looking forward to it and have some ideas in mind for some bondage I want to try out. Or if I’m really lucky I’ll just get my own ass tied up. It’ll be from 8:00 PM till 12:00 AM (though it often runs late) at the usual spot in N. Hollywood. $10 at the door.

Here’s the info. page with details and the directions and so on. If you’re in the area, come on out!

Last night my good friend Kim and I went up to the Lodge for one of their final TG nights. They’ve apparently lost their lease and are set to close for good next weekend, so we wanted to see it one more time. I saw a lot of friends there, including “notorious” Bettie Cho and Beverly, who showed up with a friend just as we were heading out. It was a fun night and our friend Angie got pretty drunk and flashed her tits all over the place.

Kim and I took a few pictures before heading out.

I had a fun photoshoot today with my friend Paul (aka Chainguy) up in the beautiful San Fernando Valley. We spent the better part of the day shooting at the Sanctuary Dungeon, owned by Mistress Cyan, who’s the nicest person you could meet (just don’t let anyone know or it could ruin her rep.) It was great to shoot in a brand new location and mix things up a bit. We did some stuff with a cruel pair of wooden stocks and lots of, well, chain (hence, the nickname). It was quite a different look for me and came out really nicely I thought. Here’s one of them with some nice lighting. I’ll put more up on the site in a few weeks.