Well, things are going busy busy while I’m here in L.A. I just had a fun shoot today with my friend Chainguy and a friend of his, A., who’s one of the main photographer for Bizarre Video. He helped us shoot a couple videos today that I’m really looking forward to seeing. They were shot with this incredibly expensive video camera so the quality should be very nice. If you check out the Bizarre Video site you’ll see lots of cocksucking and down and dirty sex. Let’s just say that we didn’t go there – not that there’s anything wrong with that ;-) Anyway, going to try to take it easy tomorrow and recover a little, and do some laundry, before the next one.
Back In L.A.
I made it into the Burbank airport yesterday with no problem and had a nice lunch with my friend Chainguy. It’s nice to be back in L.A. but I’ll never get used to the congestion of this city. Last night I had a delightful time at the Femme Fatale party at the Threshold clubhouse – it’s so nice to walk into a party where you know a bunch of people! Off to Palm Springs for a couple days to see friends and hike Mt. San Jacinto, then hoping to shoot some pictures later this week.
Femme Fatale Party and Club Fantasy Party in Los Angeles
Just a quick note that I’ll be visiting Los Angeles this Friday, Oct. 22nd, and am planning to go to the Femme Fatale FemDom Party that evening at Threshold (they have a calendar link over on the left side on their homepage.) I’m really looking forward to being back there again and seeing some good friends. Then of course I’ll also be at the Club Fantasy Party on Friday, Nov. 5th, also at the Threshold clubhouse – wouldn’t miss that for anything! Now that I’ve been gone from L.A. for about seven months I miss that party every time it rolls around. I hope I won’t get teary eyed when it wraps up. If you’re in the area and plan to attend, do say hi! Hope to see you there!
Lacey Leigh’s “Out & About: The Emancipated Crossdresser”
I’ve been re-reading Lacey Leigh’s “Out & About: The Emancipated Crossdresser,” and can really relate to a lot of what she says about being more out and visible. Her main argument is that to be happier we need to dump the guilt and shame over crossdressing and let people out there see us and know about us, and that if we carry ourselves with an air of self-worth and self-love that people will generally respond in a tolerant manner most of the time, although there are always going to be some who will disapprove regardless of what we do. It’s very common sense but something that’s worth being reminded of, as I still often grapple with that ol’ fear and self doubt when I go out.
Overall I think the book is very good and has lots of good practical advice for things like shopping and dealing with difficult people, or even with the police – it’s always good to remember that there’s nothing illegal about going out crossdressed. I have to admit, though, that I don’t agree with everything she says. For example, she makes it pretty clear that she doesn’t really approve of BDSM, and I certainly get her point about not going to the mall wearing a dog collar or a tiny miniskirt with fishnets. I would never do that anyway – heck, I love business suits as much as she does! There is, though, a certain dismissive tone to the book about certain kinds of crossdressers – and again I do get what she means about presenting oneself in a dignified manner in public. But at the same time it’s probably fairly likely that if she ever saw my website she’d probably regard me as one of “those crossdressers.”
I also question some other statements, such as that crossdressing is all about gender and not about sex. Really? I certainly understand the distinction, but also know from my own experiences and from the many crossdressers I’ve met over the years that quite often there’s a big sexual component to it, and quite often it’s some of both. Part of the reason we do it is because it’s sexy. I know in Tri-Ess they often argue the same thing – it’s all about gender, not sex – and yes, as we get older and the sex drive decreases, it often does become much less of a sexual thing, but completely denying the sexual angle feels a bit like propaganda and an attempt to make us seem more acceptable and “normal.” I understand the desire to do that, but I sometimes wonder if there’s a certain amount of shading of the truth when I hear that argument.
So with some quibbles, I do want to emphasize that I like Lacey Leigh’s book quite a lot and would definitely recommend it. I first read it almost ten years ago and have been enjoying it again. We certainly benefit from being seen and from being more out there, and we can take a cue from gays and lesbians who have done so much for themselves by just being visible. Of course no one should be forced to be out if they aren’t ready for it but the more of us who are – and I consider myself mostly out but not always – the better it will be for everyone.
One short chapter that I really enjoyed was the discussion on Deuteronomy 22:5, which is the standard passage for arguing that we’d better stop our sinful ways of wearing women’s clothes (“A man shall not put on a woman’s garment…”) She points out the other strange passages in that same chapter about not mixing wool and linen, the requirements to wear a garment with four tassels on the corners, and of course the cheery admonition to stone to death any bride who isn’t a virgin. And she has a great comeback for those who just can’t get beyond the scripture – to paraphrase, “As a practicing Christian I assume you’ll continue to love me as your neighbor and leave the judging to God.” My own feeling about the Bible quotes has always been that unless you’re an Orthodox Jew, which is whom those rules were written for, it really doesn’t make any difference.
So all in all, I’m really enjoying Lacey Leigh’s book again. It’s a quick read and full of encouragement about getting out there and enjoying one’s life without guilt and shame. Definitely worth checking out.
Looks like it’s Time to Buy your own Panties
My friend Gena sent me some links, here (nice heels on this one!) and here, about the Hyatt employee who was caught trying on a woman’s skirt, heels and panties while she was away from her room. I actually feel kind of sorry both for the guy and for the poor woman who must have been totally freaked out when she walked in on him. Guess she won’t be wearing those particular items anymore!
Nice Write Up on Adult Reviews
I just noticed that Trannies In Trouble got a nice write up on the Adult Reviews website, saying that Ts in Trouble “does it right through and through.” They also added a few screenshots down at the bottom of the review that show what the site looks like in the Members Area, including the story from the “Thrown in the Car Trunk” gallery from a while back – a nice touch. It’s always nice to wake up to a pleasant surprise like that!
Fun Shoot with Cincher
I’ve been talking online with my friend Cincher off and on for years and we finally had a chance to get together when he was recently in town over the weekend. We had a really enjoyable time, and I can say for sure that he lives up to his name – that was some tight tight bondage I endured (and enjoyed)! We had nearly two days to try things out, so we shot a lot, including quite a few videos. Here are some preview shots to check out, bound and unbound, and I’ll be posting more in the months ahead. Thanks so much, Cincher, for a very memorable and very strict time!
More Self Gagging
I went out to the club last night and had a good time but when I got back home I was kind of bored and didn’t want to take off my newest black and white secretary outfit just yet. So continuing on with my extreme gagging theme I tried to see if I could handle two sponges (two!) shoved in my mouth and then a ballgag strapped in over that. I knew I couldn’t do any actual self-bondage with that or else you’d probably be reading a notice about my body being found the next day or two, having choked to death in an “unfortunate accident.” Believe me, it was tempting to tie myself up, but with this kind of hardcore gagging it really would be suicidal. It was still quite exciting and a big challenge though. I was able to do it but had to use everything I could to stay calm and keep my gag reflex in check. Anyway, I also shot a little video of it and posted it on the site. I hope it’s entertaining even without the bondage. Here are a few stills taken from the video…
Sally Hanson Nail Color Pen
I’ve always found doing my nails to be a real pain and I’ve never felt very skilled at it. Sometimes I’ll put on three coats and still have thin areas and the more I work on them the gloppier they get. So I just tried out the Sally Hanson Color Quick Fast Dry Nail Color Pen – This stuff is Fantastic!!! Like the name says, it’s nail polish in a pen – you just click it a few times and basically draw it on. The first time I did it I was amazed. It was like, “This is how it’s supposed to be!” I’m going out tonight and quickly put on a single coat and it’s clear, even, opaque, dries in no time, and looks better than I’ve ever done with the little brushes. It’ll be interesting to see how it holds up and if the pen dries up or gets gummy over time, but if it continues to work like this, I’ll probably be dumping most of my little bottles of nail polish. It’s a little more expensive – I think about $8 bucks – but I’m gladly handing over my cash for other colors. So far I’m 100 percent sold!
Back from Atlanta
I got back from Atlanta a couple days ago after visiting my parents there. There’s always that moment of mild shock when I first see them after several months (“Yep, they’ve decayed a little more.”), but all in all it was good.
So it’s just been back to work. I got a few comments on the gag challenge video about how tough it is to stay calm and relaxed and keep from choking with one’s mouth so fully packed. It is tough indeed, and I would say that my gag reflex is really only average. So much of it is the mental thing. I’ll find sometimes that if I get a worried thought in my head (“Uh oh, am I going to choke?”) that it will just start to escalate and my mind will get carried away with the worry. So staying calm and not getting that initial panicked thought makes a huge difference – not always easy to do. I would like to try more extreme gagging scenes like that, though, as they’re incredibly hot ;-)
And again, I always stress that extreme gagging is NOT something to do with solo self-bondage. It’s way too risky if you don’t have a friend there with you and could easily turn deadly. I remember seeing a site a couple years ago where someone had a link to a picture of a crossdresser who had died in self-bondage. They even had a warning that said don’t click on this link if you’re easily disturbed. Like an idiot I of course clicked on it and immediately wished I hadn’t. This poor person was discovered a couple days after dying in self-bondage and it was one of the grossest things I’d ever seen, with just the beginning stages of decay setting in. I hate to be a downer, but none of us should end up like that.
Well, not to end on a totally depressing note, I’m also off to do a little shopping later today – probably swing by Ross – and see if I can get another outfit or two for some shoots I have coming up. And there’s a party this Friday that I’ll be going out to. So another quiet and yet busy week.
Justin Bieber 800%
I was reading about the experimental musician who slowed down Justin Bieber’s “U Smile” by 800 percent and made this dramatic heavenly chorus. It is pretty amazing and it’s over a half hour long. I feel calmer just listening to a couple minutes of it!
By the way, I do think Justin would make a fantastic looking girl with that shockingly young face of his. Heck, he almost looks like one without even trying.
Gag Challenge Gallery Posted This Week
I had a really fun photoshoot the other day with my photog friend PC where I did self bondage with a very heavy gag that an online friend recommended to me – first shoving a sponge in my mouth, then adding a ballgag over that and finally wrapping tape over the whole thing. It was intense! Here are a couple “extra” shots from the full set, which I’ll be posting later this week – probably late Wednesday night, as I’m heading to Atlanta on Thursday to see my parents for a few days. Then early next week I’ll post the ten minute video that goes along with it, showing the actual gagging process. I’m really looking forward to getting it online – stay tuned!
Adult Services Gone From Craigslist
It seems that the adult services section of Craigslist has been removed, replaced with a title saying “censored,” after pressure from several state attorneys general over concerns with prostitution. I’m sorry to see it go and hope it won’t be permanent. I’ve really only posted there a few times, looking for models and photographers, with very little success, but I hate to see things like that be stifled. Of course I’ve always been of the mind that prostitution and drug use should be legalized and regulated (whatever that means) and that people should be allowed to choose their poison, as they’re gonna do what they want to do anyway.
Casual Encounters – I’ve also posted on the Craigslist Casual Encounters page a few times, looking for guys or CDs who are into bondage and kidnapping fantasies, but again have had no luck at all. Really it’s best to do bondage with friends and people you know, and I’ve had lots of fun with my friends and people I’ve known at the clubs, especially at Club Fantasy. And as for women, they tend not to do the casual get together thing as much as guys, so most of the women I’ve tied up have been at BDSM clubs or at parties. Of course, with women there’s the whole other question of emotional involvement, possible relationships, and my nagging anxiety, which have been the subject of many other blog posts ;-)
The itch, though, to meet someone new, usually a guy, and do some edgier play never really goes away. The funny thing is, though, that I’ve never met any real prospects on Craigslist, usually just lots of guys who want to get a blowjob. I’ve met with a couple guys through other avenues over the years and have done some mild kidnapping type role-play, and I’ve always checked them out as much as possible beforehand and taken precautions and let them know that I was going to let other friends know where I was. And I’ve been lucky and have never had any bad experiences. Really, I would say almost everyone I’ve met over the years who’s into this stuff has been pretty cool. But finding that really good match, as most everyone who reads this blog knows, is really tough. There are tons of guys who say they’re into bondage, and they might be, but they’re usually looking way more for a sexual hookup than I am. So the half-assed search and late nights of occasional after-the-party frustration continue.
I’ve talked about this before, and the one guy whom I had some of the best bondage scenes with was the guy named Ringgag, who’s sadly no longer with us. And the thing that made it really work, and this is something that you’re not supposed to admit or participate in if you’re doing things “the right way,” was that I did feel a small hint of real danger the couple times that I saw him. I never completely knew his full story (and it turned out later that he was living something of a double life). But the element of danger and the feeling that I might just get in over my head did add an excitement to it. I knew that he had played with many other people before me, and I even chatted with some of them online (if in fact it was really them and not him posing as them, which is quite possible), but still there was always that little question mark in the back of my mind, which really worked.
Braun Epilator
I have a friend who swears by the Braun Epilator, which is a little torture device that rips your hairs out by the roots, as opposed to shaving them off. I finally broke down and decided to try one out, and OMG does that baby hurt! To be fair, the first time you try it out, it can be very painful, or even agony, which is how I’d describe it, but the second time it does become more manageable. I’ve done my lower legs up to the knee, and after the first time I was in such pain that I broke out in a sweat and found my hand just refusing to go any higher up with it, and I reached for the razor. I did it again this morning and it was much less painful, and I’m slowly working my way farther up my legs to see if I can eventually do all of them. If I can get over the pain it probably would be a more efficient way of removing leg hair, and maybe even some areas of body hair, as the second time it did go very fast and was just like doing a quick touch up. So my verdict is still out. I’m going to continue to work with it and see how it goes, though I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to tolerate the sensitive areas inside my thighs. We shall see.
Visiting Los Angeles late October / early November
One nice bit of news is that I will be visiting Los Angeles again at the end of October and into early November, and I’ll be at the Club Fantasy party on November 5th! I’ve really missed those parties and it’ll be great to see everyone again. I’ll be without a car, which is tough in L.A., so it’ll be public transportation, occasional rental cars, and bumming rides off of friends. I’ll be doing a few photoshoots while I’m there, hiking my favorite mountain – San Jacinto, and generally enjoying the L.A. ambience, which I do miss, even though I complained a lot about it when I lived there. I’m really looking forward to seeing all my friends again – and palm trees!
That Blue Skirt from Hottbonds
When I was at Thunder in the Mountains I got a couple tight shiny skirts from my friends at Hottbonds, and I just love how they look. They’re so tight that they’re almost like a hobble skirt (and they do have a longer version), holding one’s thighs in close together. I shot some pictures with the blue skirt a few weeks ago and I’ll have the full set up for this week’s update on Friday, where I end up tied up in a closet with my elbows tied off to the clothes bar behind me. In the meantime these are a few “extras” from that upcoming set…
Been Listening To
This song from Arcade Fire, Neighborhood #1 – (Tunnels ), is about six years old, but I remember the first time I heard it on the radio and had one of those “stop in my tracks” moments. I just heard it again recently and it brought tears to my eyes (in a good way), which happens almost every time I hear it. Arcade Fire rocks!
Designer Abductions in France
It looks like there’s a company in Paris that’s doing pretty well with the “kidnapping for hire” business, where for about $1,200 dollars (900 Euros) you can be grabbed off the street and bound and gagged for several hours. Surprisingly the police don’t have any problem with it, but just ask to be forewarned beforehand in case someone witnesses the “kidnapping” and reports it as a real crime. Apparently they’ve been getting about two requests a day. Geez, maybe I’m in the wrong business – although after doing a dozen kidnappings I’d probably be yearning to be in the client’s role ;-)
Speaking of Marathons
Last year, crossdressing comedian Eddie Izzard ran around the UK, doing the equivalent of 43 marathons in 51 days. Holy crap! It boggles the mind that he could possibly do that! His doctors said that the effort could cost him his toenails…and his nipples.
Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon
I consider myself more of a hiker than a runner, but my buddy J. and I want to attempt the Pikes Peak Ascent Race next summer in 2011. To qualify for that you have to finish a half marathon, so I’ve been training the last couple months and we ran the Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon this morning, which is held in a really beautiful setting in the mountains up along I-70. We both did pretty well; I finished in just over two hours, but man, that last mile was a bitch! I was never completely sure that I could run the full 13 miles but now that it’s done I find myself considering other races, though a full marathon would be really out of my reach at this point – I’d probably crap out around mile 15. The half marathon, though, with a few months of training, really is do-able for anyone who’s in moderately decent shape. It was a terrific morning and very exciting doing the race with probably close to 3000 other runners. But oh, my toes are sore tonight. No high heels for a few days.