So Saturday night my good friend Kim and I went out to the Lodge for some dancing and tranny watching. I wore my favorite tight black dress and Kim had a nice new wig and breast forms. A cute cute girl, A. (who does my hair), forced a White Russian on me – which contains cream and, I don’t know, heavy booze of some sort. I rarely drink and I really shouldn’t. I can’t handle much and I usually feel like crap afterwards. Plus, (as part of my recent honesty campaign), I’ll add that I also take anti-depressants, with which you’re not supposed to drink at all. As I’ve mentioned before, depression has been an ongoing struggle for me over the years. I’m absolutely the happiest I’ve ever been in my life but occasionally I’ll still have those moments of doubt and even despair. I’d love to get off the Prozac and Wellbrutin but fear that I might crash if I do. I’ve been on them for years though and it would be so nice to live without them. It’s a hassle, they’re expensive, and Prozac does tend to lower my libido a bit. But then I’ll have mornings where I wake up and life feels unbearable and I think, how the hell am I going to live without meds? Of course, probably about a third of the people in L.A. are on the same thing. It makes me wonder about our modern society when so many people need to be medicated just to get by.
Prozac and Wellbutrin websites: “I’m Ready to Experience Life!” Yippee!!! (Note: Your results may vary.)
OK, Back to the Fun. So Kim and I were at the Lodge, hanging out with friends, and I was getting a bit tipsy from one drink. A couple friends of ours took out some condoms and blew them up like balloons, making a huge inflatable cock with two smaller condom-balloons for balls. We danced quite a bit too and checked out all the other girls. It was a pretty good night. Occasionally I felt kind of alone sitting there, probably due to the booze, but for the most part it was a fun night out.
Morning After. But Sunday I woke up feeling horrible – low, depressed, and muttering to myself, “Why did I drink that damn thing?” Thankfully I had a photo shoot planned to take some pictures of Delilah. And since I was behind the camera, there wasn’t much pressure on me and it was just what I needed to relax and feel back to normal. Getting some rope in my hands and tying some knots is always a nice feeling.
Movie that Evening. Afterwards we hung out for a while and saw the opening scene to that Tom Cruise, “War of the Worlds” movie. Wow, that’s really violent and pretty creepy. I missed it in the theaters, so I borrowed the DVD and saw the rest of it last night. It’s quite good, though it’s hard to top the impact of that opening scene when the Aliens first appear and start to burst out of the ground. There are some shots with the tripod rising up through the smoke and fog that are really effective and gave me the Willies. Spielberg really captures that sense of helplessness, that there’s not a damn thing you can do to resist the invasion. I’ve read before the resonance that the film has with 9/11: There are tons of shots of people looking up with looks of shock and horror on their faces.
Sandra
first off I think there is no real stigma to anti-depressants anymore as many folks are on them. Heck many people say I should be but I refuse to do so for personal reasons. I often sound preachy when I tell folks they CAN live without the pills but it is good to have friends ready to hold your hand when times get tough (and they will.)
I guess I look for my own anti-depressants in people. I come here to your blog and because of you I can live a little more vicariously. I can share in your fun moments or even not so fun moments and say “wow, Sandra gets to do all that. I wish I could.” Yet its not depressing, just the opposite.
So being able to share in your world, is for me, an emotional stabilizer and mood improver. There are others too. I think my own main issues derive from not having anyone around here who understands and absolutely no one to socialize with. The community here on the Shore is… er. well non existant unless apparently you are in the know (and I am not.)
I am also glad to see someone else liked War of the Worlds. Thought I was the only one.
Sarah-Kym
Thanks so much, Sarah-Kym, for your nice comments. I really appreciate them. Sometimes I’ll post something and then later that night I’ll think, “Uh oh, did I say too much there…?” I’m glad to hear that my words might occasionally help lift someone’s spirits a little…
By the way, where do you live? Are you in the UK?
Yes, as for that movie, I know at least a few other people who liked it too. What the aliens did with those people they sucked up was pretty creepy…
Nope, the left Coast… Maryland
Sarah-Kym
Hi Sandra,
I’m on Zoloft myself and it works pretty well. Of course there are still the occaisional downs, but theyr’e not anywhere near as intense as when I was not on medication. I was on Prozac for a few years and hated it! Sure it was fine at first because it alleviated my feelings of suicidal depression. But it would make me feel kind of too laid back in the sense that I would let people and incedents take advantage of me. I found myself not getting angry enough to stick-up for myself when I should, or completely apathetic to things at other times. Yes it did lower my libido which I hated, especially being in my twenties! It also made my ejaculate burn whenever I came. Wellbutrin? That was a complete joke. I stoppped taking anti-depressants altogether, and just did lots of pot, but that didn’t help either. I would fall into deep dark exhasting depressions. Now I’m doing ok, but I could feel alot better about things in general.
Hugs, :)
Shelly