I’ve noticed more and more that I have big anxiety issues with email. It seems that in the last year the volume of incoming email has really ratcheted up and I find myself having a harder and harder time responding to all of it. I even find myself feeling deeply guilty when I don’t respond and sometimes moaning when I look at my inbox and see this huge lists of unanswered emails with those little checkmarks next to them. Oftentimes I’ll just close Outlook Express in despair, realizing that the list will only be bigger tomorrow and knowing that I’ll probably never get it down to zero. Last week I was answering some email and realized that I’d spent three hours on it and had still only made a dent.

Now I don’t want to complain and I don’t want people to not write me, as I know that the reason there’s all that email is that lots of people like Trannies In Trouble, for which I’m truly grateful. The website is a ton of work but it’s been one of the better things I’ve ever done in my life. But I also realized recently that at the present moment my relationship to email is out of balance and causing me a lot of mental anguish and I have to accept that until I get better at it and improve my email skills the sense that I’m overwhelmed by it is going to continue to cause me anxiety. Right now I can only accept that my inbox is way out of whack, my abilities to deal with it are lacking, and I haven’t even begun to figure it out yet.

As I’ve mentioned here before I’m the kind of person who typically has a guilty conscience. I want to please people and, like most of us, I want people to like me. And the unanswered emails make me feel like I’m letting people down, hurting others’ feelings, and making people resentful – reactions that are most likely way overblown and just coming from my own worried and overheated brain. So in a way I’m asking for forgiveness in writing this blog post. If I haven’t written back, it’s not personal. I just don’t know how to stay on top of it, and I know there are a lot of people who will probably never get a response. I don’t like that but I know that until I figure out a better way that’s how it is. Email (and the internet) is a blessing and a curse. Thanks for indulging me if you’ve read this far and leave me a comment here if you’re in the same boat or have any thoughts. Actually blog comments are way better than email and are probably way likelier to get a response, though at this point I can’t even promise that ;-)

The last couple weeks I’ve been out with my friend K. at some restaurants and we got the “Hi, ladies” greeting during two different outings, even though I was in guy mode both times. Now, for a crossdresser it’s kind of cool to be mistaken for a woman when you’re not even dressed, though I always feel for the poor server, as they immediately see their error and apologize. One waitress actually did it twice during the same meal and then apologized each time. It’s the hair. Mine’s not really that long but it’s longer than most guys, and because I’m fairly slender, when they approach from behind they sometimes read me as a girl. When the waitress apologized the second time, I just said, “Don’t worry, I get that a lot.” Which isn’t really true. It doesn’t happen that often, but again it is kind of cool when it does.

A friend recently sent me a few old Sally Roberts pics that I just had to share. She’s perhaps my all-time favorite bondage model – her pretty face and wide innocent eyes and just her whole manner was so unique and special – a real one of a kind. It’s a shame that she doesn’t have an archive site with all her old material – I’d sign up in a second. The first picture with her tape gagged while Susan Blair wraps a chest rope around her is especially stunning. Great stuff. I just saw that Harmony has a few of her old DVDs still for sale, so I might have to order a couple once I get more settled in here in Denver.

Well, my move was quite an adventure, with car trouble in Santa Fe, but I’ve been in Denver for one day now, with my good friend K., cleaning and moving in to my new temporary sublet where I’ll be for a few months. It’s funny but whenever I travel I always find myself growing terribly horny after a few days – probably due to the stress of being out of my usual routine and maybe also from not being able to easily look at any bondage pics ;-) Earlier today, for example, I saw a woman wearing a tight white blouse and my mind instantly went to duct tape and tight chest ropes. Makes my toes curl.

Every year when I hear about the anniversary of the Iraq war on the news I’m also reminded about the anniversary of Ts in Trouble. I remember it was that same week that the bombs started falling that I went online with the site. I’m always amazed when another year passes and it’s still humming along (and the war too!) I’ll be making some new contacts in Denver, I’m sure, but I’m planning for the basic look and feel of the site to remain the same. I’m really looking forward to that ten year anniversary, which I’m sure will pass just like that…Let’s hope the war isn’t still going on, though it sadly seems naive to think otherwise…

Well, my big move to Denver is bearing down on me. I’m getting a truck in exactly one week, loading it up, and hitting the road. I’ll apologize in advance about my response to emails (which is always so so), and it’ll be really bad for the next couple weeks till I get a little more settled. But of course the updates will continue on the site as usual.

It’s crazy, but getting a UHaul truck is so expensive in L.A. that I’m actually going to go with a good friend to Vegas and drive it back from there to Los Angeles, and then head off to Denver, which allows me to save hundreds of dollars. It’s nuts but is a big enough difference that it’s worth the hassle.

So right now I’m in that every-minute-counts mode where there’s never enough time. Moving’s never fun but this too will pass, and hopefully I’ll have some new club news and some new shoots from the mile-high city fairly soon.

Speaking of Club Fantasy, a few days ago my friend Chainguy and I shot some pictures to help promote the party and also the club, Threshold, where it’s held. We also shot some bondage, of course, so some of these shots will show up on the site later this year. We had a really fun time and had some other friends also stop by to visit and help out (thanks to D. especially!) The club is very large so it was great to be able to spread out and shoot in such a variety of different rooms. We even did a couple smoking shots at the makeup mirror. Now, I don’t smoke and don’t advocate smoking for anyone (and it’s really not a smoking club), but I’ll admit it was surprisingly soothing and pleasant, so I’d better watch it and not light up again or it could become a habit. It certainly does look cool for pictures, though, so maybe I’ll have to get some clove cigarettes and shoot some more. Anyway, it was a fun couple of days.

Since I’m moving to Denver soon the Club Fantasy party on the 5th was my last one for a while, and it was really nice. I want to emphasize that the parties will be continuing on like normal, every first Friday of the month in N. Hollywood, and I will really miss being there, but hope to come back later in the year for a visit. Like I say, this last party was terrific and became something of a going-away party. Everyone was so generous – especially one reader who knows who he is – Wow! There’ll be some really sharp pictures in the not too distant future ;-) We also had all kinds of food, including three cakes! I ate way too much but it was delicious! I won’t try to name everyone who was there, as I’m sure I’ll forget someone, but so many friends had such kind things to say. I was really touched but thankfully I didn’t get teary-eyed till much later. The parties have been going on since around 2005. We’ve had some really fun evenings with good play, and also those times when only a handful of people showed up, but even some of those were enjoyable when we’d all hang out in the break room and visit. These parties will always have a warm place in my heart, and it’s going to be tough leaving it behind for now. I will miss you all.

Another month’s almost passed and the next Club Fantasy party will be next Friday, March 5th, from 8:00 PM till 1:30 AM in North Hollywood, CA. I’m really looking forward to it, but it’ll be a little bittersweet for me. A lot of my friends already know that I’m moving to Denver in April, so it’ll be my last party for a while. I do hope to come back to visit from time to time, though, and do more shoots in L.A. And I don’t anticipate any real changes to the website, as I spent last summer in Colorado and was just as busy shooting and working on it there as I am here. L.A.’s been good, but she’s a cruel mistress. Lots of great things here, and lots of pressures, and I ain’t gettin’ any younger. I’ve actually been thinking of moving for a couple years and the timing feels right about now. So hopefully all the regulars and new friends will make it out to the party. It’ll be a good one. Hope to see you there!

Club Fantasy Details

I’ve never had lustful thoughts for Kelly Osbourne before but when I saw her on this magazine I had to stop and look at it for a full minute. She looks terrific and I want that dress ;-)

Sybil and I have been talking about doing a shoot for about a year and we finally had the chance yesterday while she was here in town. I had a really fun time with her, getting her all tied up and hanging out afterwards. She’s a fabulous girl and just as nice as she is gorgeous! We shot in Hollywood, and if you look really close you can just make out the Hollywood sign way off on the hill in the first shot, with the tiny radio tower just above it. I’ll post the full set of these shots in a few weeks on the site, where Sybil gets rope tied and ball gagged and looks really really cute.

As the afternoon faded Sybil’s friend, the amazing Jean Bardot, stopped by to visit and was so nice to actually help us out behind the scenes. Jean’s terrific and great fun to hang out with. I’d met her briefly last year at a party and was a little star struck, but it’s always amazing how when you meet someone in real life whom you’ve admired online, they’re usually just like regular people (though really really attractive!) It was a fun time and I’m looking forward to getting Sybil’s pics up on the site and hope we get a chance to shoot again before too long.

I got a little hypnotized the other day when I saw this picture of Sade in the newspaper promoting her new album. I saw this and just stood there staring at it at the newsstand. I love her dress and especially the high neck line and elegant hair style. And this is a woman who’s 51 years old – very impressive!

I was browsing through a copy of “The Stranger” last week so I had a good chuckle when I saw this cartoon. The artist, R. Sikoryak, does these neat parodies of literary classics, re-doing them with cartoon characters. Funny stuff.

Here’s another small picture from the Syren! party from a couple weeks ago. Ryan Beyer had a really impressive photography set up for this one where he shot lots of pictures of all the girls. It looks like a Photoshop cutout but actually he had a white background that was brightly illuminated, his ring flash on the camera and a couple other strobes on both sides, so that everything was majorly lit!

I got together again with my friend Al from Altomic Photo and we took a set of pictures with this new sweater dress that I really like. Here’s an “extra” shot from the gallery. I’ll post the full set this Friday for the next update on the site, with tight hemp rope and a really tight cleave gag to go with it.

A friend and I were recently emailing about this terrific Japanese bondage site called BBPS (Bound Beauties Photo Salon). The interesting thing is that while they do have some traditional Japanese bondage (Shibari), most of their pics are actually more Western-style damsel in distress bondage, usually fully clothed, which is a rare combination to find on a Japanese site. And they do it brilliantly. I wish there were an English language “Join” option, as I’d sign up immediately. All I’ve seen are samples and things that have been re-posted. They are nice enough to link back to my blog but I can never figure out anything when I go to their actual site, even with that Google translation thing.

The contrast between Shibari and Western-style bondage was on my mind recently (and I’ll probably step on a few toes here). It seems that bondage in general has become more popular in the last ten years or so, but it sometimes seems to me that the most popular style is Shibari, or Japanese bondage, which to be honest, is actually my least favorite style of bondage. When I go to the BDSM clubs and people talk about bondage it sometimes seems it’s almost assumed that we’re talking about the Japanese style. And I do realize how hard it is to do traditional Shibari, and that many talented people devote years of study to it.

But I have to admit, I don’t see many Shibari picture that sexually turn me on – mainly because quite often the girl is naked (I likes the clothes) and sometimes they don’t even gag her (which blows my mind – why even bother then?) I will grant though that when they do use gags, they’re sometimes very nicely done, such as the polka-dotted scarves you see and the nice “bandit” gag where both the girl’s mouth and nose are covered with a cloth. Sometimes though the tying just strikes me as being overly complicated and methodical and lacking in excitement. Personally I prefer the kind of bondage where it looks like some guy broke in, grabbed the girl, and bound and gagged her against her will – not that I’m advocating anything non-consensual, but Western-style bondage quite often seems to have more of a sense of danger and peril, which is a huge turn on for me.

I should point out I do have some Shibari related links on the “how to” pages of my website, as many of the techniques are useful – even lots of damsel in distress bondage is often done with Shibari-inspired ties. But joining a Shibari paysite? It’s not something I’ll probably do very often, unless they have a model that really works for me.

In a similar vein, I have to mention this phrase I’ve been hearing more and more the last few years that just drives me nuts – “Adult Rope Art” or just “Rope Art.” I have to say it kind of gives me the willies. I’m not into “Rope Art;” I’m into Bondage! Rope Art just sounds so sanitary and “nice,” which I guess is the whole point, whereas the word Bondage sounds kind of forbidden and a bit shameful. Thanks but I’ll stick with the shame ;-)