Last year my MySpace profile got deleted, and I dragged my heels in re-posting a new one, mainly because I’ve never been that fond of MySpace. I did finally post a new one the other day, though. The thing that always intrigues me are the profiles you occasionally find from young “real” genetic girls who say that they’re into bondage. At heart I’m a bottom and often fantasize about bondage and kidnapping at the hands of a guy, but of course something about these “real” girls really gets to me.

I saw one recently from a girl who’s in California, very young and cute, with an interest in bondage. When I see these, it’s like, “I must meet her.” Of course, I always wonder if it’s just some guy who found a picture of a pretty girl and who’s pretending to be her. Sometimes, also, they only have one or two pictures, and very little information in the profile to go on, so you really wonder. But the imagination spins its little fantasies, sometimes to the point of being distracting. I’ll want to focus on other things, but will log on a couple times a day to see if there are any new pictures or clues from the mysterious object of desire.

I remember last year on MySpace there was a cute genetic girl into bondage (should that be ‘cggib’?) who really got to me. She also had this fantasy of being tied up by a crossdresser, which seemed just perfect. Of course, she lived far away and apparently had an on-again off-again relationship with a boyfriend. But, oh my, I would find myself just looking at her picture and wondering if there was any way I could possibly meet her – and at the same time nervous about the possibility, and about whether it would just open up new relationship entanglements if I did – or if she might turn out to be completely mad.

Here’s another story of a consensual kidnapping that’s quite interesting. The writer, a young female, gets talked into trying out a kidnapping with a guy in the UK who’s interested in setting up a professional kidnap service. Although she spells out limits – nothing sexual – they still put her through a stressful and scary ordeal, which ends suddenly when she experiences a moderate but still very distressing injury.

I just wanted to mention that I got the Token Galleries page back up and running on Trannies In Trouble. The old Token Systems support disappeared after the owner unexpectedly passed away several month’s ago. But I’m up and running again with Bee-Tokens, which seems to work very well. If you like Token Galleries, check it out and let me know how it works for you. Enjoy!

This Friday I’ll be posting another outdoor bondage set that I really enjoyed. During my last trip to the mountains, after my self-bondage adventure, I got tied up really tight and inescapably to a telephone pole. Pole ties are so sexy and give such a feeling of helplessness, and the added thrill of being outdoors gave an extra element of fear. We would have had a tough time explaining this one if someone had stumbled upon the scene. I’ll post the full set at the end of the week on the Ts in Trouble site. And it looks like I might be having another outdoor shoot later this week too, so hopefully we’ll have some more adventures to share soon.

It appears that the link for the terrific YouTube video that I wrote about a while back was removed and that the filmmaker had his account suspended, but here’s a new link on MySpace and it also has the follow up video called “Voodoo Dolls” (and an earlier video called “WGA” that also has some terrific outfits and some bondage at the very end). To see all of Roberto’s videos, just click on the above link, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on the little box that says “Menu,” way down on the right side. He’s truly an artist and the “Voodoo Dolls” sequel is just as sexy as the first one. I’m so impressed, and turned on ;-) Again, enjoy them while they’re there.

I’ve had some sad moments recently – going through some changes in a relationship – so I’ve been feeling reflective and bittersweet, but in spite of things in many ways it’s already shaping up to be a promising new year. Or at least it feels that way. So often the new year finds me thoroughly depressed but these last few days have felt good. Plus I’ve also been doing lots of squats, which thoroughly exhaust me and get those feel-good endorphins pumping. And they’re good for shapely legs – certainly my best asset ;-)

Wednesday night I just stayed in and took it easy, watching the ball in Times Square drop on TV. I have to say that Dick Clark is very gutsy to go on air in spite of his stroke. It’s pretty admirable that he does that, showing himself with his slurred speech and carrying on anyway. I’ve been watching that show for years, and it’s interesting how people used to say that he never ages. Well, obviously, the years have finally caught up, but showing his frailty and inevitable decay sort of fits the holiday, which always has a sadness to it anyway. Time passes, our parents grow old, and we age and move another year closer to our own end. It’s sad and it’s happy. What else is there? Happy New Year.

I hope everyone who celebrates it is having a good Christmas. I’m in Atlanta with my divorced parents and my recently-acquired stepmother (who barely speaks English). It’s a comedy of errors, but that’s normal. I went out early for a really long walk and some good squats and exercise. The endorphins really help take the edge off of being with the family. And a glass of wine tonight will make it extra merry. Ho ho ho!

Not to be a downer, but I think most everyone would agree that this has been one hell of a year, with an emphasis on hell. There’s the obvious financial mess, which is affecting everyone (I know so many people who are unemployed or under-employed). And overall it’s been a tough year for me too. There’ve been plenty of high points but also lots of low ones, and my moods are often a stuggle. I grind through my days and do well but I’m hoping that 2009 will be somewhat better. Hey, Barack Obama is nearly in office – he’ll save us and no one will have to pay rent anymore ;-) (Really, not to be sarcastic, I do like the guy and hope the best for him and his administration.)

I was feeling sorry for myself the other day and a friend sent me a very nice email about taking things one day at a time. To paraphrase, there are two days we should never worry about: yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday is gone and completely out of our hands, and tomorrow is a huge unknown that will inevitably come, good or bad, regardless of our worry. Which leaves only today to concern ourselves with. “Any man can fight the battle of just one day. It is only when you and I have the burdens in those awful eternities—Yesterday and Tomorrow—that we break down.”

I try to be grateful, too, for what I do have, though I always forget and end up bitching and complaining anyway. One thing I’m thankful for is that my parents are still alive. I’m heading to Atlanta Christmas Eve to see them for a few days. It’ll be good to see them, and they’ll probably drive me crazy too, but that’s all part of it. I’ll still have email while I’m gone (though I’m bad at replying) and of course the updates will continue.

Here’s to a new and hopefully better year for everyone in 2009 and I hope everyone reading this has family and friends to be with over the holidays.

I just saw this nice ad with some great high heels from L Studio – I have no idea who or what L Studio is (is that a Lexus logo at the end?), but the ad is very sexy.

I had a fun shoot a few days ago with some friends up in the mountains just north of L.A. We shot a set of self-bondage pictures, which I’m going to post for next week’s update (and with some cool video soon after). But in the meantime here are a few preview shots as I was getting ready to put myself into inescapable bondage – note my impressive double-jointed knees ;-) Being outside was pretty neat and I hope we can do more of this sort of thing. It’s definitely a completely different look and the risk of being discovered is a big thrill.

Threshold’s Bizarre Bazaar is coming up this Sunday, November 16th, in Gardena, CA. There’ll be lots of kinky vendors, including a couple friends who are planning to sell large-sized high heels. I should be there most of the afternoon. Hope to see you there!

A friend sent me this link to Keith Olberman’s recent commentary, “Gay Marriage is a Question of Love.” It’s very moving and heartfelt.

Even though I live in Los Angeles, I very rarely ever see any famous people. I think I’m probably just too poor to go where they go, and, well, I don’t go out much anyway. But today I stopped by a large makeup supply shop / salon / day spa called Naimie’s and saw Jon Voight, of all people, chatting with someone at the counter.

I’ve never really liked to be the center of attention myself, and have always thought it would be really uncomfortable to be famous like that, always being recognized and watched wherever you go (and mentioned in stranger’s blogs). Which is kind of ironic, since I obviously do like some attention – why else would I have hundreds of bondage pictures of myself online? But real life and the internet are two different things. I can’t imagine how famous people can even bear to go out and constantly see that look of recognition in the eyes of other people whom they’ve never met and will likely never know. It has to be really weird and disorienting. You can understand how some of them must go a little crazy or become total recluses.

I promise this isn’t going to become the gay marriage blog, but hey, the news just keeps happening. The ACLU and other groups are already filing their challenges against Prop 8 with the California Supreme Court. And, very interesting, a ruling last month by the State Supreme Court in Connecticut will make gay marriage legal there starting next week. So soon there will again be two states where it’s legal.

Amazing – Barack Obama is going to be president.

Discouraging – It looks like the gay marriage ban in California is going to pass. The L.A. Weekly points out in their voter’s guide that “Proposition 8 marks the first time in history that an American will vote to take away a constitutional right.”

Until it’s reversed, and it will be.

With the election coming up tomorrow, Babeland is apparently offering a free incentive if you visit one of their stores with your “I Voted” sticker. I don’t think I actually need a self-pleasuring sleeve, but I’ll definitely be visiting the polls early and looking forward to watching the results tomorrow evening – I always ridiculously enjoy the post-election reporting. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

There was some talk in a Yahoo Group about gay marriage the other day and it reminded me of some quotes that I looked up from Quentin Crisp, who wrote the fabulous autobiography, “The Naked Civil Servant” back in 1968. He lived openly as an effeminate gay man in the UK starting way back in the 1920s, suffering numerous assaults along the way. I’ve always loved his books and his television interviews. There’s also a terrific TV movie on his life starring John Hurt, made in the 70s.

Here are some humorous quotes that seem particularly fitting at the moment:

“In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.”

and,

“It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.”

It does seem to me that the only logical outcoming to the gay marriage debate is that eventually gay marriage will be legal in all 50 states. And it may take a hell of a long time, but until that happens it just means that the debate is still ongoing. There’s really no other outcome, as those who are pushing for it will continue to push and as time passes acceptance grows.

You can just look at the increasing tolerance for homosexuality in, say, just the last twenty or thirty years. I remember as a kid when the Time Magazine issue came out that said “I Am a Homosexual” on its cover and how absolutely shocking it was. Then time passed, and I remember how just over ten years ago it still felt like kind of a big deal when Ellen DeGeneres came out on her sitcom – not shocking anymore but notable – and now she’s on the cover of magazines with Portia de Rossi and no one thinks anything of it. Of course, attractive lesbians are much less threatening than gay men, but still it’s a big change in a relatively short amount of time. It just seems that the people who are trying to hold back gay marriage are fighting a losing battle. To hold something back is to operate from a position of weakness to begin with, as the tide continually moves forward.

It’s probably no surprise that I’ll be voting for Obama on the 4th. And it looks like he may actually pull this thing off, though with my worrying nature I’ll believe it if and when it happens. The Democrats are just so skilled at coming so close and then falling short. But if the polls are at all reliable it might just happen. I have friends who keep telling me that, yeah, he’s going to get it, it’s a given. And I hope they’re right, but we shall see…

In any case, whatever your political leanings, get out and vote, and if you’re in California especially vote against that gay marriage ban. I’m rather nervous about that one, and keep hoping the polls are wrong on it. Again, we shall see…

I’ve often felt a little uncomfortable in the world of Transgender Activism, since I basically consider myself “just” a crossdresser (I hate that word “just,” but you know what I mean), and so often crossdressers are somewhat looked down upon in that community. You’ll sometimes run across the not-so-subtle message that crossdressers are okay but we really wish you were all “serious” transsexuals like the rest of us. To be fair, I really can’t make a blanket generalization, as many – probably most – transsexuals are very cool and friendly, but the bias does seem to come up more often than one would hope for.

But if I’m totally honest I have to admit that I’ve never ever had the feeling of being “a woman trapped in a man’s body.” It’s not even close. I certainly have persistent transgender urges, but they show up more in just wishing that I were female, but never actually feeling that I really am a woman inside. I’ve always known I’m a guy, even if I’m not the most masculine guy out there. With my long-ish hair and tight jeans, a close friend recently described me as “metrosexual,” which I found pretty amusing but probably accurate. I mean, hell, I have blond highlights in my hair.

But the main motivation for dressing, and definitely for doing bondage, is that it turns me on. That alone tells me that I’m not transsexual. It’s a sexual fetish and I’d be lying if I tried to deny it to make it more “acceptable.” One well-meaning friend years ago once said, “but you’re too good looking to be just a crossdresser.” I guess that’s flattering but logically it makes no sense at all. And, well, I’ve always had a hard time with compliments anyway ;-)

One other area that’s tricky for me is that many people in the local BDSM scene refer to me as Sandra, or as “she,” whether I’m dressed or not. Again, it’s flattering of them to do that, but it always makes me a bit uncomfortable. I think because I do look a little androgynous in my day to day presentation many people just assume I am transsexual or heading into transition, even though I’m not. To be honest, when I’m in guy mode I would actually prefer to just be called Robert, but I don’t push the point, since it’s a burden to insist on two names depending on one’s style of dress. So I’m kind of resigned to always being called Sandra in that community, regardless of how I’m presenting myself. Again, the androgyny is part of the problem. Some people, I’m guessing, just aren’t completely sure when I’m in boy mode, though it feels pretty obvious to me. If I’m not wearing makeup it’s a pretty safe bet that it’s okay to call me Robert. Also, to be fair, I assume many people in the scene don’t even know what my male name is, so I obviously can’t object to that. It would just feel really tedious to me, though, to go around correcting people on my name all the time, since honestly most people probably don’t care that much, nor should they. I know my own attitude has always been, just give me your name and I’ll use it, but multiple names to be used at different times does seem like a bit much. I wish it weren’t so, but alas…