I promise this isn’t going to become the gay marriage blog, but hey, the news just keeps happening. The ACLU and other groups are already filing their challenges against Prop 8 with the California Supreme Court. And, very interesting, a ruling last month by the State Supreme Court in Connecticut will make gay marriage legal there starting next week. So soon there will again be two states where it’s legal.

Amazing – Barack Obama is going to be president.

Discouraging – It looks like the gay marriage ban in California is going to pass. The L.A. Weekly points out in their voter’s guide that “Proposition 8 marks the first time in history that an American will vote to take away a constitutional right.”

Until it’s reversed, and it will be.

With the election coming up tomorrow, Babeland is apparently offering a free incentive if you visit one of their stores with your “I Voted” sticker. I don’t think I actually need a self-pleasuring sleeve, but I’ll definitely be visiting the polls early and looking forward to watching the results tomorrow evening – I always ridiculously enjoy the post-election reporting. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

There was some talk in a Yahoo Group about gay marriage the other day and it reminded me of some quotes that I looked up from Quentin Crisp, who wrote the fabulous autobiography, “The Naked Civil Servant” back in 1968. He lived openly as an effeminate gay man in the UK starting way back in the 1920s, suffering numerous assaults along the way. I’ve always loved his books and his television interviews. There’s also a terrific TV movie on his life starring John Hurt, made in the 70s.

Here are some humorous quotes that seem particularly fitting at the moment:

“In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.”

and,

“It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.”

It does seem to me that the only logical outcoming to the gay marriage debate is that eventually gay marriage will be legal in all 50 states. And it may take a hell of a long time, but until that happens it just means that the debate is still ongoing. There’s really no other outcome, as those who are pushing for it will continue to push and as time passes acceptance grows.

You can just look at the increasing tolerance for homosexuality in, say, just the last twenty or thirty years. I remember as a kid when the Time Magazine issue came out that said “I Am a Homosexual” on its cover and how absolutely shocking it was. Then time passed, and I remember how just over ten years ago it still felt like kind of a big deal when Ellen DeGeneres came out on her sitcom – not shocking anymore but notable – and now she’s on the cover of magazines with Portia de Rossi and no one thinks anything of it. Of course, attractive lesbians are much less threatening than gay men, but still it’s a big change in a relatively short amount of time. It just seems that the people who are trying to hold back gay marriage are fighting a losing battle. To hold something back is to operate from a position of weakness to begin with, as the tide continually moves forward.

It’s probably no surprise that I’ll be voting for Obama on the 4th. And it looks like he may actually pull this thing off, though with my worrying nature I’ll believe it if and when it happens. The Democrats are just so skilled at coming so close and then falling short. But if the polls are at all reliable it might just happen. I have friends who keep telling me that, yeah, he’s going to get it, it’s a given. And I hope they’re right, but we shall see…

In any case, whatever your political leanings, get out and vote, and if you’re in California especially vote against that gay marriage ban. I’m rather nervous about that one, and keep hoping the polls are wrong on it. Again, we shall see…

I’ve often felt a little uncomfortable in the world of Transgender Activism, since I basically consider myself “just” a crossdresser (I hate that word “just,” but you know what I mean), and so often crossdressers are somewhat looked down upon in that community. You’ll sometimes run across the not-so-subtle message that crossdressers are okay but we really wish you were all “serious” transsexuals like the rest of us. To be fair, I really can’t make a blanket generalization, as many – probably most – transsexuals are very cool and friendly, but the bias does seem to come up more often than one would hope for.

But if I’m totally honest I have to admit that I’ve never ever had the feeling of being “a woman trapped in a man’s body.” It’s not even close. I certainly have persistent transgender urges, but they show up more in just wishing that I were female, but never actually feeling that I really am a woman inside. I’ve always known I’m a guy, even if I’m not the most masculine guy out there. With my long-ish hair and tight jeans, a close friend recently described me as “metrosexual,” which I found pretty amusing but probably accurate. I mean, hell, I have blond highlights in my hair.

But the main motivation for dressing, and definitely for doing bondage, is that it turns me on. That alone tells me that I’m not transsexual. It’s a sexual fetish and I’d be lying if I tried to deny it to make it more “acceptable.” One well-meaning friend years ago once said, “but you’re too good looking to be just a crossdresser.” I guess that’s flattering but logically it makes no sense at all. And, well, I’ve always had a hard time with compliments anyway ;-)

One other area that’s tricky for me is that many people in the local BDSM scene refer to me as Sandra, or as “she,” whether I’m dressed or not. Again, it’s flattering of them to do that, but it always makes me a bit uncomfortable. I think because I do look a little androgynous in my day to day presentation many people just assume I am transsexual or heading into transition, even though I’m not. To be honest, when I’m in guy mode I would actually prefer to just be called Robert, but I don’t push the point, since it’s a burden to insist on two names depending on one’s style of dress. So I’m kind of resigned to always being called Sandra in that community, regardless of how I’m presenting myself. Again, the androgyny is part of the problem. Some people, I’m guessing, just aren’t completely sure when I’m in boy mode, though it feels pretty obvious to me. If I’m not wearing makeup it’s a pretty safe bet that it’s okay to call me Robert. Also, to be fair, I assume many people in the scene don’t even know what my male name is, so I obviously can’t object to that. It would just feel really tedious to me, though, to go around correcting people on my name all the time, since honestly most people probably don’t care that much, nor should they. I know my own attitude has always been, just give me your name and I’ll use it, but multiple names to be used at different times does seem like a bit much. I wish it weren’t so, but alas…

I had a good shoot the other night where we did some glamour shots before getting down to some strict bondage. Here are a couple of the pre-bound shots that came out pretty well. After we did this I ended up tied in a strappado with a scarf shoved in my mouth and sealed over with clear postal tape. Then duct tape was added over that, and I was put into a tight hogtie. I’ll post the full set on Friday’s update.

Just a reminder that the next Club Fantasy TG Bondage Party is coming up this Friday, October 17th, from 8 PM till 1:30 AM, in North Hollywood, CA. The last couple parties have been really good, with good turnouts and visits from some very lovely ladies, both genetic and TG! Hope to see you there.

Club Fantasy Party details

A recent poll is showing that the ballot measure in California to ban gay marriage is gaining support. I’m going to find this thing totally depressing if it passes. If you’re inclined to make a donation against Prop 8 do consider visiting the No on 8 website. If the proposition does pass, the one redeeming thought will be that the ban won’t last forever. It’s only a matter of time. People have seen here and in Massachusetts that it’s not the end of the world to allow people to marry whomever they want. Life continues on and the supposed dire consequences never materialize. Once gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts it became too late to ever go back. It may take months or years or decades more but it’s inevitable.

I’m looking forward to this Friday’s update. I recently shot this set with Kyra, looking incredibly cute in her rain bonnet, as a young innocent who gets slipped a “roofie” and wakes up to find herself tied up, gagged, and folded up inside a sofa bed (of course, it’s just a fantasy – we wouldn’t really want that to happen to anyone). The whole trapped-in-the-sofa-bed fantasy is a big one for me – some of you may remember the similar set of pictures I did back in ’03 with Ringgag.

The pics with Kyra turned out really nice and I was tempted to leave her in there all night! Here are a couple preview shots. As the set progresses she gets folded up in the bed and you see her being placed inside. You can even see her white heels peaking out at the end. Good fun!

What’s New? page on Trannies in Trouble

This sounds kind of boring but it’s actually really well done (it can’t be nasty movies all the time). ;-) On my favorite radio show, This American Life, they just did an episode on the current financial mess that’s very enlightening and scary. They also have one of their most popular episodes ever, back in May, also about the economy and the mortgage / credit crisis – much more interesting than it sounds. You can listen to them for free online, just click on the little orange “full episode” icon, below the pictures.

A family member sent me this link to these pictures of Hurricane Ike. I had no idea that things were so bad down there. It’s really mind blowing and sad to see these.

We had a really nice party last Friday for our first outing going till 1:30 AM. We had about 30 people show up, which is really good for a Friday night, and there was a lot of play going on. Later in the evening I demonstrated some bondage ties for the always stunning Mistress Cassandra. We tied up her sissy slave Sheri, whom I’ve known for several years but have never had the chance to tie up before. It was a lot of fun and Sheri was adorable being rendered completely helpless. It was also nice seeing some friends who don’t normally make it to this party very often. And we also had quite a few newcomers. If you’re in the SoCal area, mark your calendars and come on out to the next one, October 17th, from 8 PM till 1:30 AM.

Club Fantasy page on Trannies In Trouble

Just an update that the Club Fantasy party in N. Hollywood, CA, is now going to be extended to 1:30 AM! We’d been previously wrapping up around midnight but I’ve had lots of requests lately to go later and so we will! As always, everyone is welcome, all flavors of trans (MTF, FTM), and their friends and admirers. The next party will be Friday, September 19th, from 8 PM till 1:30 AM. Hope to see you there!

Club Fantasy page on Ts in Trouble

Well, with the summer almost over, I’m off to Colorado tomorrow for a visit back home. I’m really looking forward to it as this year has been sort of challenging emotionally. It’s always great to hang out with my friend K. and see the old hometown. I’ll still have email access while I’m away but it’ll be a little spotty. So I’ll be off at 3:00 AM to the Ontario, California, airport, which is much more relaxed than LAX. One of my favorite things in life, which sounds pretty dull really, is reading in airports and on planes. While you’re up in the sky I love that feeling of life being on hold. I’ve read nearly entire books curled up in the window seat and just drifting along. Of course, every now and then I’ll have an image of some airline catastrophe flash through my mind, though of course driving the L.A. freeways is way more dangerous.

Oh, before I go, just off to this afternoon’s Rope Bondage Workshop – doing basic bondage, which is one of my favorite presentations.

A couple days ago I got together with Kyra at the local Best Western to shoot some new pictures and we had a great time. I love the sleaze factor of motel rooms and Kyra played up the schoolgirl in trouble angle perfectly (not a real schoolgirl, of course! We’re just talking fantasy here.) Here are a couple preview shots to enjoy. Note the long plaid skirt that gets trimmed down while she’s wearing it. I’ll likely post the full set next Friday.

I listen to the NPR radio program This American Life a lot when I’m working on the computer and this week they have a terrific show on Breaking Up. (You can actually listen to it online, just click on the ‘Full Episode’ link under the picture of Stevie Nicks.) The best part was the opening segment and the first story where writer Starlee Kine writes her own break up song and plays it over the phone for Phil Collins, who’s actually very cool and down to earth.

I’ve got to say I’m a total sucker for reliving the misery and yearning of break ups. I haven’t had that many really close relationships over the years, but there are a few, including with women that I’m thankfully still friends with, that I’ve never really gotten over completely. And it is interesting how it’s only women that I’ve gotten smitten over. I’ve played around with quite a few guys and other crossdressers, especially with the bondage play, but when it comes to “relationships,” I’ve only ever fallen in love with women. But I sometimes feel more and more like it’s kind of a lost cause in terms of ever making a serious relationship ever really work out. I’m definitely a bit gun shy about trying again, and frankly it’s not that often that I meet anyone with whom I’d really like to.

I know when I was younger I could become smitten and infatuated just like that, but now it just doesn’t seem to come so easily. Maybe it’s just getting jaded or pulling back to protect myself against any future hurt. But I’ve definitely wallowed in all the cliches and pathetic behavior that they mention in this radio show – feeling that one’s emotions and experiences are so unique and profound, when in fact everyone goes through break ups, everyone’s been dumped, and in fact all relationships break up until you find one that doesn’t (to paraphrase Dan Savage). And then there’s that feeling that you’ll never get over the pain and that in a twisted way you sort of don’t want to get over it. The pain feels big and meaningful and life can feel so small and pointless in comparison that it’s almost better to swirl it around in your mouth and savor it for all you can get.

It’s funny but when they played part of that Phil Collins’ song “Against All Odds,” my eyes still start to fill with tears. Which is ridiculous. It’s a really corny song but still very effective. I’ve always been a pushover for stuff like that.

And speaking of pointlessness: There’s also a good article on the Newsweek website about Woody Allen’s new film and his ongoing obsession with the futility and randomness of life: “At 72, he says he still lies awake at night, terrified of the void.” Well, as they say, he has been consistent in his views.