I was reading this article on exercise and mental health in Newsweek and wondering about my own situation. I’ve been on anti-depressants for years, and they’ve done wonders, but I still have days when I’m feeling way more down than I like to admit. I’m grateful to have the meds, but it’s also a hassle to be taking them for years and years. And although I’m pretty good at exercising – mainly running and simple pilates mat exercises – I know I could do better. So I’m in one of those, “Hmm, what could I do to improve things?” kinds of moods.

By the way, the Club Fantasy party last Friday was excellent. I got to play with a couple of lovely friends and ended up in a nice pole tie in the “garage” room. A few other regulars, and a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, showed up too and provided a nice audience.

Next month’s party is going to be moved forward one week, due to a prior event at the Clubhouse, so mark your calendar for April 27th for the next one.

Just came across this interesting word…

Merinthophobia: The fear of being bound or tied up.

It’s been forever since I’ve seen Rebecca H. Heels, but finally this last weekend we were able to work out our schedules and I headed down to Orange County for a little visit. She always does me up in the most over the top kind of look, and she put me into some inescapable leather strap bondage while she teased me and clicked away with her camera. Here’s a couple of preview shots. I’ll put the full set up on Ts in Trouble late Thursday night for this week’s update.

This month’s Club Fantasy party is coming up quick: Friday, March 16th, from 8 till midnight in N. Hollywood, CA. We’re planning a little snack food “potluck” before, so if you can bring something to share that would be great (though of course no one’s going to be turned away.) So come on out for a night of socializing and, who knows, maybe get tied up. Proceeds benefit Threshold.

In a computer related Google search I came across an article with the title, “This is the hand we have been dealt,” and it really struck me as perfect. It sums up everything in life, the good and the bad. Sexuality, gender, race, socio-economic status, luck, talents (or lack of). This is it.

Wow, no blogging for a while. I’ve had some down moments lately, nothing major, just that occasional existential dread at three in the morning. I’ve probably been spending too much time at the computer fighting with HTML and not enough time out having fun. So, today’s big fun was…going to UCLA to get my teeth cleaned! Whoo hoo! I’ve been going there for several years now and letting the dental students clean my teeth because they’re quite a bit cheaper than going to a regular dentist. So I was laying there, dozing off while the nice dental student scraped away when I realized there was an incident in the booth across the hall. Some poor guy apparently had a seizure or stroke or something sitting in the chair and the place was suddenly crawling with paramedics and doctors. On the upside, if you’re going to have a medical incident I guess you couldn’t pick a better place than in a teaching hospital. So they worked on this guy for a while and he was completely out of it, incoherent and confused. I felt really sorry for him. They carted him off to the ICU and we went back to scraping.

Well, we were supposed to have the monthly bondage workshop yesterday but I wasn’t expecting much of a turnout due to the Academy Awards going on at the same time. Sure enough, only two regular attendees showed up, and they had been there already, hanging out after the D/s Discussion Group, which precedes the Bondage Workshop. We hung out for a while chatting, and I practiced a couple body harnesses on “R,” who usually makes the workshop, and then we decided to call it an evening and just do the workshop again next month.

It’s funny – I had been a little nervous actually going into it so it was kind of an anti-climax, but still it was fun just hanging out at the dungeon for a while even though not much was going on. I’ve been working a lot lately and been feeling a little socially isolated, so it was nice just to hang and be out of the house.

Then driving home I avoided Vine St., since I knew the traffic would really suck in Hollywood. It was a Mickey D’s night and I caught the end of the Oscars back at home.

It turned out to be a good weekend. Friday night at Club Fantasy was a blast. I’m doing the rope bondage workshop again this Sunday and am supposed to talk about and demonstrate “decorative” bondage, such as harnesses you can wear under your clothes while you go about your day and things like that. I’m a little unsure about what to present, so I was able to practice quite a bit at the party. Then later, a lovely girl named Jennifer whom I’ve been talking to for a while made it to the party for her first time, and tied me to this big spider web made out of chains that’s in one of the smaller rooms at the dungeon. Wow, it was great. I sooooo needed that. I think I’ve been working too much lately or been stressed or something, but being tied and felt up at the end of the evening really touched me deeply. I was floating the rest of the night.

Then last night my good friend Kim and I had a nice time at Blue Moon Nights. It’s an upscale kind of club (hence, expensive), quite large and with an outdoor covered smoking area that was really comfortable. I’m not a smoker but it was a good place to hang out in and the music was at a reasonable volume out there. Buying a drink is ridiculously expensive in these clubs, even a diet coke is three or four dollars. Then there’s the infamous “bottle service,” where ordering a bottle of booze and a nice table for your own little group starts at $175 dollars (yes, $175.00) – not something you’d want to do without first reading the menu very very carefully and perhaps calling your accountant to clear it. I don’t know how these Hollywood types live like that. Well, yeah, I guess I do – they’re all rich or in debt up to their eyeballs. Needless to say, my indulgence for the evening was two diet cokes at the bar (aren’t I exciting?) They also had an attendant in the women’s restroom, a very nice lady she was, but I felt kind of sorry for her. What an awful job being in a bathroom all night.

Okay, this all sounds a bit negative but it was actually quite an enjoyable evening. You just have to know what you’re getting into. Kim and I saw a lot of the local girls again who used to frequent the Lodge, so it was nice seeing some familiar faces. Sunday night’s obviously not the best night for going out clubbing, but hopefully they’ll be able to keep it going. There were rumors too of a possible new Saturday night tranny venue in the works.

You know how on some of those sites like MySpace that require you to put your age, how sometimes people will put down “99 years old,” just to fill up the space. I guess I understand the impulse to do that, but I always figure that if you just tell the truth it can’t bite you in the ass later. Not that I always take my own advice. Hell, I lie and shade the truth as much as anyone. But age is one thing I can deal with. I’m 44. Yeah, I’m getting older and the body inevitably fades, but that’s just how it is. Avoiding revealing the truth isn’t going to change anything. Besides, I was miserable in my twenties and thirties and am much happier now than I’ve ever been.

In the scheme of things my life’s actually pretty good and fairly easy compared to the lot of so many people in this insane world, where just basic nourishment and shelter is an ongoing struggle. Somehow this awareness of how much worse things could be plays into my desire to try to be more honest about who I am, including not hiding my age. I’ve noticed how occasionally for no reason at all I’ll avoid telling the truth on some inconsequential thing and then later ask myself, “Hmm, I wonder why I did that?” Not that it’s wrong, it’s just a funny tendency we all have.

So I say, state your age proudly and let it go. I could say I’m 37 but the gods would know otherwise.

Tomorrow night (Friday the 16th) it’s time once again for the next Club Fantasy in North Hollywood. Last month’s was pretty good, a slightly smaller turnout than usual, maybe 20 people, but everyone was in the front room and there was a lot of fun interaction. It was probably one of the most enjoyable ones we’ve had so far, from my perspective. I need to practice some ties for this upcoming Bondage Workshop that I’m doing on the 25th, so I know what I’ll be doing at the party (besides hopefully getting tied up.)

New L.A. Tranny Night?
I just heard that this Sunday night, February 18th, there’s a new venue also in North Hollywood that’s having a tranny night, a place called Blue Moon Nights. Wow, nice website. Might have to go check it out. Ever since the Lodge closed here in L.A., the TG nightclub scene has been pretty spotty. It would be great to have a new place to go. We shall see.

I’m not really very sexually active but I agree that if you’re not in a monogamous relationship it’s a good idea to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases every now and then. Since I have a few routine health tests coming up (just a check up), I went over to the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center and got a full work-up of tests run for STDs, all for free. They provide some really excellent services, and you don’t even have to be gay or trans or whatever to use them. When I first moved to L.A. a few years ago and was pretty depressed, I even got a therapist there for about eight months at a fraction of what it would cost to see a shrink in private practice.

They’ve gotten really fast with the HIV test. They just swab the inside of your mouth and in twenty minutes you have the result: negative (which I had no reason not to expect). You have to wait five days for the results of the blood tests for those good ol’ fashioned diseases like gonorrhea and syphilis. It’s been at least two months since I’ve done anything even remotely risky, so unless you can catch something from your computer (or your right hand) everything should be A-OK. I’m kind of into tests and statistics, though, so I sort of enjoy the process and reading those little pamphlets they give you.