I went to the Threshold Munch in North Hollywood last night and had a delightful time hanging out with friends; then as I was leaving I saw that the amazing fetish model and burlesque performer Mosh was on the cover of the L.A. Weekly in a nice red latex dress. She’s a unique and extremely talented model and I was lucky enough to very briefly meet her at last year’s FetishCon in Tampa (of course I had that deer-in-the-headlights look). She’s also on Deviant Art and has a Tumblr blog and a cool cartoon on the L.A. Weekly website. She doesn’t do any bondage unfortunately, but she still really stands out among models and has that unknowable quality that you often find in extremely beautiful people – but still a nice girl in person. Nice to see her on one of my favorite free papers.

Last weekend at the Club Fantasy party someone brought a stack of old bondage magazines to give away and I found this copy of a terrific magazine that I remember buying a very long time ago. The drawings in the “Miss Adventure” story are really simple and even crude but I find them incredibly sexy (the cover drawing looks like it was done by someone else). I always wondered if there were any other issues in this series (this one is issue number one published by Centurion in 1984.) The artist on the black and white pages only signs his frames with the initials C.W. If anyone knows if he’s done any other work or has any other magazines out there, please leave a comment below or email me directly. There are a few other good artists in the magazine, but his comic strip really stands out for me. Great stuff!

We had a real nice turnout and a fun time at the Club Fantasy party Friday night, with some new faces and quite a few regulars whom it was great to see again. Here are a few pictures hanging out on the patio with my friend Delilah Knotty – always great when she’s able to get away and make it out for the night. The Threshold clubhouse, where the parties are held, is looking fantastic, and I’m planning to be there all day this Saturday the 11th for the My Kinky Valentine event and party. Hope to see you there and at next month’s Club Fantasy. (Oh, and yes, I’m a non-smoker. I just love holding a lighted cigarette.)

Back in SoCal – It’s been a good week and a half back in L.A. I sometimes have those “Whoa-I’m-really-living-here-again” moments, but it’s been good and I think being in the Valley will be easier than the time before when I lived right in Hollywood (not a neighborhood I’d want to live in again). So all in all, I’m slowly getting back into a daily routine and starting to set up some new photoshoots in among all those little tasks you have to take care of when you first move. And my visit to the DMV surprisingly enough went pretty smoothly, so maybe that’s a good omen (unlike the poor guy at a nearby counter who kept repeating loudly, “This is going to ruin my life!” I hope he got off that counter eventually.) Hope to have more to report soon…

It turned out to be a fun, if sometimes lonely, three-day drive back to L.A. I usually enjoy being on long road trips like that and having that feeling of being “between” places, as though life is on hold for a time. My only bad judgment was in waiting to get gas in Needles, CA, right before crossing the Mojave desert. The gas prices were Yikes! Should have fueled up in Arizona, but so it goes. The rest of the trip was fine and I got in early to my friend’s place in L.A. yesterday. It’ll just be a few days here getting unpacked and settled in and then back to work – and back to some good parties! I’m sure I’ll be going to Threshold quite a bit, probably the Femme Fatale party this Friday, and definitely the next Club Fantasy party next week. It’s good to be back in SoCal!

What a week it’s been getting ready for the move. My place has been a mess with boxes scattered around, and although I’ve gotten rid of a lot of stuff there still seems to be way more than I would have liked. Oh, well, it takes a lot of stuff to be a crossdresser…I’m picking up the truck on Saturday, loading up, and then hitting the road on Sunday. I’m planning to take it slow and be in Los Angeles in about three days and hopefully it’ll be dry when I get there. (It is the rainy season this time of year, so we shall see.) I’m hoping I can tweet a couple times while on the road, but it’ll all depend on whether I can get online with my laptop.

Although the last week and a half has been very stressful, it’s also been nice in that I’ve been able to see all my friends and family here one more time before leaving. I’m sure I’ll be back to visit though.

It’s funny – I really didn’t expect to live in L.A. again after my last move. I’ll just quote a guy named Evan Nass who said, “Remember that no one comes back from LA, she’s a seductress, she’s a who-ore.”

See you on the west coast…

I’ve been packing and slowly getting rid of some of my furniture and things before heading out to L.A. at the end of the month. While going through my stuff I came across some old calendars from the late 90s / early 00s (my calendars are something I do always hold onto, as I have a bit of a sometimes-bad habit of reflecting on the past). Looking through them I could really get a sense of how lost and adrift I often felt back in those days. At that time I still didn’t really know what to do about being a crossdresser and had only made some tentative steps to start dressing more seriously. For work I was doing a lot of set construction for TV commercials and conventions (in Colorado). Life really wasn’t awful but it felt aimless and unfocused and I was pretty unhappy. And I really had no idea what I’d be up against when I finally made my first move to Los Angeles in 2001. Those first few years in L.A., in comparison, made drifting along in Colorado Springs seem like a good time.

I can’t believe it’s been eleven years now since that first move. Although moving always requires a period of adjustment, this upcoming one shouldn’t be anywhere near as difficult as that first one, especially since I now know so many people in L.A. and will be staying with a good friend. It’s going to be an interesting year, in any case, whatever happens. I’d better get back to work here for now but I’ll try to post something else before I hit the road in about ten days (barring any big snowstorms!)

Email – Oh, and I apologize to anyone to whom I owe an email. I’ve been really bad keeping on top of things while dealing with the move and I’m sure things will remain the same for a while…

I’ve been back in Denver for several days now and am starting to pack for my upcoming move back to Los Angeles. Wow, packing is never fun but I am planning to travel light and get rid of some of my stuff since I’ll be staying in a nicely furnished house. The emotions of moving can be tricky too. I feel very excited about this move but sometimes the sadness of leaving Colorado, which really does feel like home, will just hit me and I have to take some deep breaths. I know I’ll be back many more times, and like I said earlier, I could even see living in Colorado again. But still, anytime you pick up and go somewhere, even when it’s a very positive move, there’s always a certain loss that goes with it. We choose one path, which closes off other paths that could be just as promising. I suppose I’m having a touch of the post-holiday blues today too. December is one of my favorite times of the year and I almost always droop a little when January hits. But on we go until we’re back here at the next end-of-the-year once again!

Another year’s almost over and as I mentioned earlier, it’s been a very mixed one. Sadly enough, the event that colored this year the most for me was the death of Paul Logan (“Chainguy“) back in February. It was very helpful, though, to travel back to L.A. several times in 2011 and see friends who knew and appreciated him. When I go to Threshold now and am hanging out, sometimes I’ll look around and have those sad moments when I’ll think, “Oh man, Paul would have really loved this party,” (especially if someone’s getting handcuffed!)

Of course, life goes on and the living have to continue and make the best of it. Not to diminish the impact of Paul’s passing, and in contrast it almost seems in bad taste to say this, but I’ve also had some really really fun and enjoyable times this year. FetishCon was awesome and so much fun getting to shoot with Sybil, Jean Bardot, JJ Plush, Master Allen, Brittany and Judy. Shooting with Ohphelia and Cincher in Chicago was really nice too, and AmberKatt and I did a number of fun shoots here in Denver over the course of the year. My good friend Delilah Knotty also got to visit here in Denver just this last weekend and we had a blast, doing a marathon photoshoot that went all day and wrapped up around 2:00 in the morning. Also, getting turned onto karaoke has been a lot of fun this year, and it was great going to the Santa Fe Tavern on Fridays until, well, it all fell apart and we CDs and TGs were uninvited – that whole situation still seems so weird and baffling. The last visit back to L.A. around Halloween was also amazing, shooting pics and videos, seeing friends and going to some great parties. Usually I get reflective and melancholy around the holidays but to be honest I’ve been feeling good about things and am looking forward to the end of the year.

Moving Back to L.A. – One big change for me that I’ve only talked to a few people about is that I’m planning to move back to Los Angeles early in the new year. My friend at whose house I’ve been staying when I visit made me an offer I can’t refuse – to rent from her and stay at her place as a roommate. Denver’s nice and very low stress and I’m sure I’ll come back here again to visit and maybe even live here again at some point. But L.A. still has such a draw for me and I have so many friends there. And even though Southern California can be a challenging and stressful place I just really want to go back even if it turns out to be only a temporary move. I have thought several times of moving back this last year, especially after Paul died, but the idea of driving around alone and finding an apartment in Burbank or someplace has always felt daunting. So the chance to move back and stay in a nice house in the Valley with a good friend – well, I can’t pass it up. Depending on the weather here in Denver, I’ll be packing up sometime later next month and should be back in SoCal by February at the latest. I know that living there again will not be the same as visiting, which always has a heightened sense of fun, but I’m still very excited and hopeful.

So again, 2011 has had its highs and lows, though it seems to be ending on a high note. I know a lot of friends out there are struggling, especially with finances and work, and I can only hope that things get better for everyone in the new year. I also want to thank everyone who’s currently supporting the site and everyone who’s supported it in the past. I am truly grateful and owe so much to all of you. I couldn’t do it without all the generous paying members over the years and I’m hoping to shoot some new and unique things in L.A. in 2012. All the best in the new year and I hope everyone has a meaningful and fun time with family and friends over the holidays!

It’s shaping up to be a very busy December here. Over the weekend I had a fun visit from Master Allen, whom I met at FetishCon last July, and we got to shoot several scenes, including an onscreen gagging and hooding video that I really enjoyed and that should be on the site in a few weeks. That’s a framegrab below with the white blouse and red skirt and some serious groping. Then this weekend my good friend Delilah will be in town for a visit and it should be a blast hanging out with her and taking some pictures. She’s taken a break from being in front of the camera but is still a huge bondage fan.

I’m also hoping to shoot again with my friend AmberKatt and do a follow-up to a shoot we recently did. Then another quick visit from yet another L.A. friend who needs a sofa to crash on for a local job interview, and then the Christmas holiday. I’ll see my brother and sister in law, I’m sure, for the holiday, but really for me, Christmas Eve is where all the action is. I’m a heathen but still thoroughly enjoy the evening before. Then for New Year’s Eve it’s back to Atlanta to see my parents and watch the ball drop on TV with my Dad. I always breathe a sigh of relief when I visit and he’s still hanging in there and with us. So it should be a fun rest of the month. I can’t believe the year’s almost over. It’s been an extremely mixed one with some really low lows and some amazingly fun times, but I’ll try to write more in the next couple weeks.

Halloween was a blast this year and it was great timing being in L.A. I initially had my doubts but my friend M. and I braved the traffic and made it out to the West Hollywood Halloween street party – total madness with an estimated crowd of about 500,000, making it one of the biggest and definitely one of the gayest Halloween parties in the world. We had a great time going up and down the boulevard, taking in all the sites and snapping some silly pictures. If you ever get a chance it’s a total blowout and really worth seeing!

It had been quite a while since I’ve seen Sissy MacBeth, so it was a nice treat seeing her again at the last Club Fantasy party on June 3rd in L.A. We didn’t have time to do any new bondage pics unfortunately but it was great catching up on things. They don’t allow cameras in the party so a friend took this snapshot out on the patio out front.

Well, I’m sitting here in the Phoenix airport waiting on a connecting flight that’s running about three hours late, watching CNN on the TV monitors. It was a nice time in L.A. and I saw a lot of friends and shot some nice new pictures with Nina, Bettie Cho and Vivian Chen. Also had a nice time in Big Bear and Palm Springs and got to do some nice extended bedtime bondage last night, so I’m feeling pretty foggy this evening. I’ll try to write more later in the week and see if I have some good snapshots to post. Off to check out the quality airport food choices here…

Earlier while in guy mode at the friend’s houe where I’m staying in L.A., I talked briefly with the neighbor, an older guy who came by, and he said, “Oh, you kind of look like that lady friend who sometimes stops by – she’s tall too…” I just smiled and said something vaguely in agreement, but I don’t think he even heard me. I love when stuff like that happens! Later, I was thinking, well, maybe he’s just messing with me and obviously knows that that “lady friend” really is me dressed as a woman. But from his manner, I suspect that he just saw a resemblance but didn’t really know that, yes, that was me.

Like most people, the reality of crossdressing is probably so unfamiliar that he probably just didn’t make the connection. And that always amazes me, because like most crossdressers I always think that I don’t really look that much different in girl mode than in guy mode, though in reality most of us do look very different indeed. I have a friend who has a fairly high-profile job and every now and then he’ll have anxiety about having femme pictures on his various online profiles and he’ll be tempted to delete them. But really he looks so completely different in male mode. With the wig and makeup and clothes, it’s just so unlikely that anyone would ever recognize him. And yet so many of us, myself included, think that others will see through us just like that, without any doubt or hesitation. I do wonder, though, how long it will take for that neighbor to put two and two together, as he’s probably going to see that “lady friend” again a few more times this next week or so ;-)

Well, I had another sleep-deprived night last night and an uneventful early-morning flight and am back in L.A. for a little visit. The friend whom I stay with rents a condo in Big Bear Lake every spring so we’ll be going up there tomorrow for the holiday weekend with some friends. Then the following week I’ve got several shoots planned with some local girls. And on the third is the Club Fantasy party. It’s gonna go fast!

I’ve been growing out my eyebrows for the last six weeks or so, so lately they’ve been looking like two hairy caterpillars, and when I’ve gone out dressed I’ve just been waxing them up with some chapstick to try to keep all the stragglers in check. This morning though I had a bunch of errands to run and finally got them waxed at a place downtown called appropriately, “Brows.” I was upfront when I called them and just let them know I was a crossdresser who does a lot of photography and the owner was very cool and did a nice job cleaning them up – always so nice to have something like that done and feel more put together.

Then I did a little shopping while out, first hitting Ross (no luck), a local thrift store (bought one top and a ladies suit coat that might work) and finally finishing at Burlington Coat Factory, which I like a lot. I found another top there that I’m hoping will fit and the biggest find was a bunch of new earrings, which were all marked down on clearance. I normally find shopping in the spring to be the worst time of year, as the spring fashions usually don’t do much for me; I much prefer fall and winter. But all in all I found a few possibilities. Also stopped by Home Depot to get some tape for a shoot that I hope to do this weekend – we shall see.

Club Fantasy June 3rd – I’ll be visiting in L.A. again later next week and am going to stay for the Friday, June 3rd, Club Fantasy party. I always love being there and seeing so many friends. If you’re in the area stop by and check it out. It’s a very laid back and relaxed time and there’s usually some good bondage going on :-) Hope to see you there!

As I mentioned in the last post, a friend suggested I post a selection of shots that Paul (Chainguy) and I did over the years. Hopefully this won’t seem like it’s all about me but rather in memory of a good friend who’s passed on. Like I mentioned earlier, Paul was a great guy, with a very clever sense of humor, a fine appreciation for the absurdities of life, a love of Shakespeare’s soliloquies and of good movie quotes (he was always quoting that Jack Nicholson speech from “A Few Good Men”).

I fondly remember spending hours with him geeking out over bondage and photography (we spent ridiculous amounts of time comparing the histograms on various shots – why? I’m still not quite sure.) In addition to the shots from the various galleries below, I still have about 10 upcoming Chainguy galleries on my computer that haven’t even been edited yet. And of course he also shot several other galleries with my friends Delilah, Bettie Cho, Nina and Vicky, some of whose shots appear below on recent blog posts. The 50-some shots here are posted in the approximate order that they were taken, starting back in 2006 when we first shot on the back porch at that beach house that we’d occasionally get access to. Some of my favorite times were those series of galleries that we did in the mountains north of L.A., which sadly enough were all burned out a couple years ago. And the last four shots below, which are all fairly recent, haven’t yet made it onto the site but should be showing up in the months ahead.

We did a lot of rope bondage, but true to his nickname he really LOVED the handcuffs and shackles. I remember him at many parties in L.A. putting himself out and selflessly volunteering to cuff numerous ladies, crossdressers and guys. He was that kind of person – always thinking of the needs of others ;-) Speaking of parties, I was afraid that the last Club Fantasy party on April 1st would really be depressing without Paul being there. And although I missed him and many others commented on how he was always a regular there, it was still a really nice time and we had a big turnout, close to 40 people, which is huge for us, and it was a great group of people. Paul would have loved it and would almost certainly have had several girls all chained up for much of the evening. We will miss you, my friend…

I’ve been having a really nice time in L.A. and the weather’s been the usual perfect. The memorial for Paul (Chainguy) was really nicely done and had a big turnout. I’m so thankful I was able to be there. A friend suggested that I should post a selection of Sandra pictures taken by Paul over the years. So next week when I get back to Colorado I’ll go through all the old shots and post a few here.

Yesterday I had the chance to take the L.A. subway (it’s really nice) down to Hollywood and visit Out of the Closet, my favorite thrift store. As always, I found a few items that I can bring back. What I really love about that place, aside from the usual good selection, is that it’s so gay that I never feel the least bit of shopping anxiety when I’m there. A nice change from the butterflies I often get at the mall.

I’m planning on a couple shoots while I’m here the next few days, then looking forward to Club Fantasy on Friday. And finally back to Denver late on Sunday.