A friend and I were recently emailing about this terrific Japanese bondage site called BBPS (Bound Beauties Photo Salon). The interesting thing is that while they do have some traditional Japanese bondage (Shibari), most of their pics are actually more Western-style damsel in distress bondage, usually fully clothed, which is a rare combination to find on a Japanese site. And they do it brilliantly. I wish there were an English language “Join” option, as I’d sign up immediately. All I’ve seen are samples and things that have been re-posted. They are nice enough to link back to my blog but I can never figure out anything when I go to their actual site, even with that Google translation thing.

The contrast between Shibari and Western-style bondage was on my mind recently (and I’ll probably step on a few toes here). It seems that bondage in general has become more popular in the last ten years or so, but it sometimes seems to me that the most popular style is Shibari, or Japanese bondage, which to be honest, is actually my least favorite style of bondage. When I go to the BDSM clubs and people talk about bondage it sometimes seems it’s almost assumed that we’re talking about the Japanese style. And I do realize how hard it is to do traditional Shibari, and that many talented people devote years of study to it.

But I have to admit, I don’t see many Shibari picture that sexually turn me on – mainly because quite often the girl is naked (I likes the clothes) and sometimes they don’t even gag her (which blows my mind – why even bother then?) I will grant though that when they do use gags, they’re sometimes very nicely done, such as the polka-dotted scarves you see and the nice “bandit” gag where both the girl’s mouth and nose are covered with a cloth. Sometimes though the tying just strikes me as being overly complicated and methodical and lacking in excitement. Personally I prefer the kind of bondage where it looks like some guy broke in, grabbed the girl, and bound and gagged her against her will – not that I’m advocating anything non-consensual, but Western-style bondage quite often seems to have more of a sense of danger and peril, which is a huge turn on for me.

I should point out I do have some Shibari related links on the “how to” pages of my website, as many of the techniques are useful – even lots of damsel in distress bondage is often done with Shibari-inspired ties. But joining a Shibari paysite? It’s not something I’ll probably do very often, unless they have a model that really works for me.

In a similar vein, I have to mention this phrase I’ve been hearing more and more the last few years that just drives me nuts – “Adult Rope Art” or just “Rope Art.” I have to say it kind of gives me the willies. I’m not into “Rope Art;” I’m into Bondage! Rope Art just sounds so sanitary and “nice,” which I guess is the whole point, whereas the word Bondage sounds kind of forbidden and a bit shameful. Thanks but I’ll stick with the shame ;-)

Irv and Wayne had another Club Syren! event at C Frenz last Saturday and they had a good turnout and several photographers milling about. I went with a couple friends and we had a nice time, though it was cold as hell outside. Here’s a shot that my friend Al from Altomic Photo took.

I was near UCLA this morning getting my teeth cleaned and afterwards stopped by the tiny Westwood Memorial Cemetary, where dozens of famous Hollywood stars are buried. I’ve wanted to visit it for years and the endless rains that we’ve been having here seemed appropriate. It’s actually really hard to find, surrounded by walls with only one entrance tucked in among high rise office buildings and condos and ironically situated right behind a big multiplex cinema. Probably most people in the theater have no idea they’re a few hundred feet away from Marilyn Monroe’s grave. It’s a nice little cemetary and worth a visit if you’re in the area. Just wandering around you see all kinds of familiar names such as Truman Capote, Peggy Lee, Dorothy Stratten and dozens more.

I just love when attractive women do tape gag protest pictures! Cindy McCain just did a nice picture for the NOH8 campaign against the gay marriage ban in California, quite a surprising move for a high-profile Republican. She followed the lead of her daughter Meghan who did a similar picture last summer with photographer Adam Bouska. Cindy McCain’s husband feels, well, differently about the issue. Great pictures, though the tape could have been applied a little more stringently. ;-)

Just an update that the Club Fantasy parties are moving to the First Friday of the month. So the next one will be in almost two and a half weeks, on Friday February 5th, from 8 PM to 1:30 AM, in N. Hollywood, CA. Hope to see you there!

Club Fantasy Info.

I hate to sound like I’m complaining or being sarcastic, but I got a funny email this morning. Several months ago a guy who says he has a trans girlfriend wrote me on URNA and said they’d be interested in getting together for some fun. From their profile and email it was clear that they wanted to have sex, which is fine – heck, I’ve had sex before! – but however, there was no mention of bondage at all, and not much response to it when I brought it up – a huge negative for me. So I politely wrote back and nicely declined and wished them all the best. So this morning I got another email reminding me that they’re going to be in town, in case I’m still interested. Um, I’d say there’s a certain disconnect here. I wasn’t interested in the first place. But I guess hope springs eternal, so I shouldn’t blame him for trying. No big deal.

It is interesting though, as this sort of thing happens a fair amount. The difficult thing is trying to explain about bondage to someone who’s not into it, or who has only the most casual interest. Another guy once told me that bondage was fine, but that he’s into lots and lots of other things too – as though that made him even more appealing to me. I’m afraid it didn’t. I try to get across that, no wait, I’m like REALLY into it! Like 100% into it! The way I see it, bondage IS the thing. It’s not a preliminary step on the way to giving or receiving a blowjob, which is what so many guys are after. Don’t get me wrong, with the right guy I can go there, especially if there’s a role-playing vibe of being “forced” into it, which can be very exciting, but to be honest that really doesn’t happen for me very often at all.

Another deal breaker, and one I’ve heard a lot, is “Yeah, I’m not really into bondage but I’d be willing to give it a try.” Ouch. I’ve actually made the stupid mistake of trying to do that in the past and it never works. The skills to tie someone up just can’t be taught in a half hour beforehand. You can always get some handcuffs or something like that but if you’re going to use rope it ain’t gonna happen, or at least not very well. And if the other person’s not really into it the chemistry’s just not going to be there.

Anyway, again not to be a complainer, as this is just how it is for those of us who are really really into bondage. It’s tough finding the right partner and making that connection. And yes, doing photoshoots is fantastic and great fun, but there is some difference between a shoot, where I’m worried about how I look and if my wig’s straight, and just getting together with someone who’s into the same kinds of things, with no worries about photography. To be honest, if I was more like that guy who’s into “lots and lots of other things” I’d probably get a lot more action than I do, and might even be more fulfilled with it (or might not). But I’m not like that guy and can’t pretend I am. So one continues on.

Newsweek has a very good article this week about gay marriage, specifically the upcoming federal challenge to California’s Proposition 8 being argued by Ted Olson. The really interesting thing is that Olson is a political conservative who served under both Reagan and George W. Bush. But he’s written a very well-reasoned and heartfelt argument as to why denying gays to marry is wrong, and he has a good track record in cases he’s argued, so it’ll be interesting to see what he does.

One of the more absurd things he points out is how there are currently 18,000 same-sex marriages in California, which occurred before Prop 8 and are recognized by the state. But these same people, if they got divorced, could not remarry. As he puts it, the situation in California is open to a good challenge, as it really “makes no sense to anyone.”

It tends to go in cycles but recently I’ve gotten a few of those “You’re going to hell” emails and blog comments (all of which I deleted). One guy who wrote admitted that he was still sometimes bothered by his forced femme fantasies and that he got turned on looking at the pictures on my blog – apparently he spent a fair amount of time checking it out. It makes me sad. I just wish that people wouldn’t torment themselves so much over their sexual urges. From what he wrote it was clear that he was going to be struggling with his sexuality for the rest of his life, going back and forth between his religious beliefs, which in his mind shouted “No!” and occasional bouts of masturbation followed by guilt and self-loathing. That’s no way to live. When I was in my teens I was terribly guilt-ridden about being a crossdresser who likes bondage, and it probably took me ten years to even begin to set that aside. Thankfully now enough people in my life know about this side of me that there’s no going back. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a believer myself but I have no problems with spirituality. In fact I know several people who are believers AND who also enjoy their kinks and they’re able to make it work and not torment themselves, as they really aren’t mutually exclusive things. The guilt and the prohibition are really so unnecessary and are just generated in one’s own mind.

I don’t want to put down anyone’s religious beliefs but the idea that there’s a supreme being keeping track of my sexual fantasies and my masturbation sessions, and that at the end he’s going to unleash eternal torment upon me – I don’t buy that for a second, and there’s no evidence at all to support the belief that that’s how the universe is set up. It’s just a story that so many of us have been told, handed down through the generations, and frankly I think it’s nonsense. There’ll probably be some comments and emails saying I’m wrong, and to change my ways before it’s too late, but if you’re inclined to write and say I’m going to burn in hell, please don’t. I’ve heard it a hundred times already; it’s usually the same old tired arguments and Bible quotes, and if it’s a blog comment that someone leaves, I’ll probably just delete it, unless it’s very well reasoned, with no misspelled words, or really really clever.

I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has had a nice time today. I’m not really a believer but was raised “sort of” Catholic, though it didn’t take (but I still ended up guilt-ridden anyway). My Dad never really went for it and my Mom was a convert who almost immediately regretted it. I have no problem with Jesus; it’s religion that gives me the willies. But I still often enjoy going to an Episcopalian service on Christmas Eve, especially if it’s in a big cathedral. They really put on a show and have some of the best music. One of my favorites is “In the Bleak Midwinter,” which you don’t hear too often, but it always brings a tear to my eye. Last night I went with a friend and we had a really nice time, and it was really good for us both to get out and not be alone.

Then I’m going to Atlanta soon for a few days to see my parents and am looking forward to hanging out and watching the New Year’s Eve shows with my Dad. It looks like Kathy Griffin is going to be back again this year on CNN, with Anderson Cooper and Lance Bass. I just love her. Here’s a clip on YouTube from last year when the open mike caught her dealing with a heckler – funny stuff!

I was doing some housecleaning tasks on the website the other day and got to looking at some old galleries from years ago. There were a few old favorite pictures that I hadn’t seen in a long time and I went back and dug up the old files for them and re-edited a few at a larger screen size. It’s funny how small pixel-wise some of the original pictures were. There were a couple that were shot on a 2.7 megapixel camera – and heck, we were happy to have even that back then! I know it really wasn’t that long ago, about six or seven years, but it sure seems like it was ages. And looking at these pictures I get that feeling of, “Oh, to be that young again…” The years pass and where do they go? Time in a bottle, that winding road, blah blah blah.

Anyway, it was fun to see these old pics and to see them re-done in Photoshop and looking about as good as they’re probably ever going to look. That last one, by the way, was only from last year, but it just struck me as a neat picture with nice lighting, so I removed an extension cord on the garage floor with Photoshop to make it a little better.

Whoops, I got totally confused on the Club Fantasy schedule, so I just deleted that previous post. Here’s the correct info: the next Club Fantasy party will be on Friday, January 15th, and then starting in February we’ll be moving to the first Friday of the month, starting on Friday, February 5th.

Right before the January 15th party there’ll also be an interesting-sounding presentation by Raven Kaldera called “Double Edge: The Transgender/BDSM Intersection” from 7 PM till 8:45 PM, with the party starting right after. I’ll be there and at the party.

Here’s some more information on the presentation. Hope to see you there.

date: Friday, January 15, 2010
time: 07:00 PM to 08:45 PM
where: The Threshold Society
address: Los Angeles, CA map
cost: $10 for workshop (party is separate)
dress code: Anything

Double Edge: BDSM and Transgender

From the man or woman who cross-dresses for the first time as part of a BDSM scene, to the transsexual who is trying to figure out which play parties they can attend, being transgendered in the BDSM scene is both a blessing and a challenge. At the same time, a remarkably high percentage of transgendered people identify with leathersex – why? We’ll discuss how BDSM roleplaying lends itself to gender play, struggle with the political implications of being gender transgressive perverts, talk about what happens to D/s roles when people change gender roles, and remind folks of what we have to teach the larger community. For transgendered folks of all stripes, their partners, friends and allies, and anyone who’s curious about the intersection of kink, power exchange, and the gender spectrum.

(Raven Kaldera is a queer FTM transgendered intersexual shaman. He is the author of too many books to list here, including “Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path”, and “Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships”. He and his slaveboy Joshua have been teaching and presenting workshops regularly for 6 years, bringing BDSM to the Neo-Pagan, Sex/Spirituality, transgender, and other communities.)

This workshop will segue into The Threshold Society’s Transgender Fantasy Party, for those who want to stay and play. The workshop fee is $10 per person. For party fees and information, contact my hosts.

Information about The Threshold Society is here: http://threshold.org/

Please pass this around to anyone who might be interested!

Thank you,

Raven Kaldera www.ravenkaldera.org www.pagansbdsm.org

I’ll be posting another “white and peach” update late tonight with a set I did a few weeks ago at a friend’s house. I do like the all white and blond look though it can be tough to photograph if you’re not careful. All those highlights can burn out really easily. But my friend Chainguy did a nice job and cuffed me to a heavy fireplace stand and then brought out a tight black ballgag. Here are a few preview shots with me looking surprised.

Here’s a shot from a recent shoot with this new ball gag I got from Hottbonds, while hanging out at Bizarre Bazaar a few weeks ago. This thing is about 2 1/2 inches in diameter and I can just barely get it in my mouth. I like how it looks but it’s pushing even my level of strenuous so I’m not sure how much I’ll shoot with it. It was a fun shoot though, using some new leather straps with Gromets, and the full set will go up sometime in the new year.