It tends to go in cycles but recently I’ve gotten a few of those “You’re going to hell” emails and blog comments (all of which I deleted). One guy who wrote admitted that he was still sometimes bothered by his forced femme fantasies and that he got turned on looking at the pictures on my blog – apparently he spent a fair amount of time checking it out. It makes me sad. I just wish that people wouldn’t torment themselves so much over their sexual urges. From what he wrote it was clear that he was going to be struggling with his sexuality for the rest of his life, going back and forth between his religious beliefs, which in his mind shouted “No!” and occasional bouts of masturbation followed by guilt and self-loathing. That’s no way to live. When I was in my teens I was terribly guilt-ridden about being a crossdresser who likes bondage, and it probably took me ten years to even begin to set that aside. Thankfully now enough people in my life know about this side of me that there’s no going back. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a believer myself but I have no problems with spirituality. In fact I know several people who are believers AND who also enjoy their kinks and they’re able to make it work and not torment themselves, as they really aren’t mutually exclusive things. The guilt and the prohibition are really so unnecessary and are just generated in one’s own mind.

I don’t want to put down anyone’s religious beliefs but the idea that there’s a supreme being keeping track of my sexual fantasies and my masturbation sessions, and that at the end he’s going to unleash eternal torment upon me – I don’t buy that for a second, and there’s no evidence at all to support the belief that that’s how the universe is set up. It’s just a story that so many of us have been told, handed down through the generations, and frankly I think it’s nonsense. There’ll probably be some comments and emails saying I’m wrong, and to change my ways before it’s too late, but if you’re inclined to write and say I’m going to burn in hell, please don’t. I’ve heard it a hundred times already; it’s usually the same old tired arguments and Bible quotes, and if it’s a blog comment that someone leaves, I’ll probably just delete it, unless it’s very well reasoned, with no misspelled words, or really really clever.

I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has had a nice time today. I’m not really a believer but was raised “sort of” Catholic, though it didn’t take (but I still ended up guilt-ridden anyway). My Dad never really went for it and my Mom was a convert who almost immediately regretted it. I have no problem with Jesus; it’s religion that gives me the willies. But I still often enjoy going to an Episcopalian service on Christmas Eve, especially if it’s in a big cathedral. They really put on a show and have some of the best music. One of my favorites is “In the Bleak Midwinter,” which you don’t hear too often, but it always brings a tear to my eye. Last night I went with a friend and we had a really nice time, and it was really good for us both to get out and not be alone.

Then I’m going to Atlanta soon for a few days to see my parents and am looking forward to hanging out and watching the New Year’s Eve shows with my Dad. It looks like Kathy Griffin is going to be back again this year on CNN, with Anderson Cooper and Lance Bass. I just love her. Here’s a clip on YouTube from last year when the open mike caught her dealing with a heckler – funny stuff!

I was doing some housecleaning tasks on the website the other day and got to looking at some old galleries from years ago. There were a few old favorite pictures that I hadn’t seen in a long time and I went back and dug up the old files for them and re-edited a few at a larger screen size. It’s funny how small pixel-wise some of the original pictures were. There were a couple that were shot on a 2.7 megapixel camera – and heck, we were happy to have even that back then! I know it really wasn’t that long ago, about six or seven years, but it sure seems like it was ages. And looking at these pictures I get that feeling of, “Oh, to be that young again…” The years pass and where do they go? Time in a bottle, that winding road, blah blah blah.

Anyway, it was fun to see these old pics and to see them re-done in Photoshop and looking about as good as they’re probably ever going to look. That last one, by the way, was only from last year, but it just struck me as a neat picture with nice lighting, so I removed an extension cord on the garage floor with Photoshop to make it a little better.

Whoops, I got totally confused on the Club Fantasy schedule, so I just deleted that previous post. Here’s the correct info: the next Club Fantasy party will be on Friday, January 15th, and then starting in February we’ll be moving to the first Friday of the month, starting on Friday, February 5th.

Right before the January 15th party there’ll also be an interesting-sounding presentation by Raven Kaldera called “Double Edge: The Transgender/BDSM Intersection” from 7 PM till 8:45 PM, with the party starting right after. I’ll be there and at the party.

Here’s some more information on the presentation. Hope to see you there.

date: Friday, January 15, 2010
time: 07:00 PM to 08:45 PM
where: The Threshold Society
address: Los Angeles, CA map
cost: $10 for workshop (party is separate)
dress code: Anything

Double Edge: BDSM and Transgender

From the man or woman who cross-dresses for the first time as part of a BDSM scene, to the transsexual who is trying to figure out which play parties they can attend, being transgendered in the BDSM scene is both a blessing and a challenge. At the same time, a remarkably high percentage of transgendered people identify with leathersex – why? We’ll discuss how BDSM roleplaying lends itself to gender play, struggle with the political implications of being gender transgressive perverts, talk about what happens to D/s roles when people change gender roles, and remind folks of what we have to teach the larger community. For transgendered folks of all stripes, their partners, friends and allies, and anyone who’s curious about the intersection of kink, power exchange, and the gender spectrum.

(Raven Kaldera is a queer FTM transgendered intersexual shaman. He is the author of too many books to list here, including “Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path”, and “Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships”. He and his slaveboy Joshua have been teaching and presenting workshops regularly for 6 years, bringing BDSM to the Neo-Pagan, Sex/Spirituality, transgender, and other communities.)

This workshop will segue into The Threshold Society’s Transgender Fantasy Party, for those who want to stay and play. The workshop fee is $10 per person. For party fees and information, contact my hosts.

Information about The Threshold Society is here: http://threshold.org/

Please pass this around to anyone who might be interested!

Thank you,

Raven Kaldera www.ravenkaldera.org www.pagansbdsm.org

I’ll be posting another “white and peach” update late tonight with a set I did a few weeks ago at a friend’s house. I do like the all white and blond look though it can be tough to photograph if you’re not careful. All those highlights can burn out really easily. But my friend Chainguy did a nice job and cuffed me to a heavy fireplace stand and then brought out a tight black ballgag. Here are a few preview shots with me looking surprised.

Here’s a shot from a recent shoot with this new ball gag I got from Hottbonds, while hanging out at Bizarre Bazaar a few weeks ago. This thing is about 2 1/2 inches in diameter and I can just barely get it in my mouth. I like how it looks but it’s pushing even my level of strenuous so I’m not sure how much I’ll shoot with it. It was a fun shoot though, using some new leather straps with Gromets, and the full set will go up sometime in the new year.

I had a really nice time at Bizarre Bazaar last Sunday and just got a picture from Gerry, the official photographer (aka Fuckin’ Gerry). I love that guy, with his huge camera (it’s really huge!) He’s at all the Fetish events and doesn’t have even an ounce of inhibition (wish you could bottle and package that trait!) My feet were sore so I was just hanging out for a breather at the Threshold table. I also bought a couple of huge ballgags from Hottbonds. They’re so big they make my jaw ache, but I’ll have to try to shoot with them soon and not give myself even worse TMJ ;-) The venue, Bar Sinister, was a cool place too and I got to see a lot of friends and people whom I only seem to see about once a year. A fun afternoon.

I recently posted a new hogtie video on Trannies In Trouble and have already gotten some really good feedback from it. It has a lot of gagtalk and an especially strict hogtie at the very end. Probably what makes it good is that I was really suffering when we made it and I think it shows. In fact I was even thinking of signaling to the cameraman to call it a day, but it’s probably good that I pushed on and endured ;-) At one point I’m kind of stuck between the couch and wall (the second pic below) and I’m actually pretty annoyed while I try to get into a better position. I was trying to talk to the camera man but he had no idea. After a few tries I was able to dislodge myself and get onto the floor, which was only somewhat better. Then at the very end we modified the hogtie so that each wrist was tied directly to each ankle – ouch, that was a tough one! I was really struggling by this point and again tried to communicate, but with the layers of medical tape over my lips and the big wad in my mouth I wasn’t doing too well. All in all, it was a really stringent and difficult tie and made for a nice six minute video. We all have to suffer for our art!

I just wanted to mention that Threshold will be holding their yearly Bizarre Bazaar vendor’s event this Sunday, Nov. 15th from 12 noon to 6 pm at Bar Sinister in Hollywood, CA. I’m planning to be there most of the afternoon, so if you see me do say hi. I’m hoping to see a lot of familiar faces and meet some new friends. Hope to see you there!

Recently we shot some more pictures in this nice secretary outfit with my favorite red wig. Like I mentioned before there were some technical problems on the bondage pics we did a while back in this same outfit, though I’ll probably post some of them as a small future update. Here are a few extra non-bondage shots, though, from the recent shoot, and I’ll post the entire set, with some more tight elbow bondage and a strict modified hogtie, for Friday’s update. Enjoy!

Here’s an interesting article on how “Paranormal Activity” came out of limbo and got released.

Bummer – voters repealed Maine’s same-sex marriage law, almost exactly a year after the same thing happened in California. This time, though, is the first time actual legislation was rejected, as opposed to a court order. Very discouraging but the fight goes on – it’s not like it’s an issue that’s just going to go away.