I was talking to a local model recently who told me about a photographer friend of hers who just recently died from an aneurysm. I didn’t know the guy well but had seen him at a studio maybe two months ago. He wasn’t all that old, I would guess 50s or early 60s. It doesn’t last forever.

I just had a birthday myself, just turned 44. I’ve always been kind of funny in that I sort of like getting older. I remember when I turned 40 just feeling a big relief, as if all those bad years were behind me now. When I was younger, in my 20s and 30s, I was just depressed so much of the time that life usually seemed not really worth the trouble. Like I’ve said before, I’m way happier now than I’ve ever been. It’s not all sunbeams and unicorns, especially in this neighborhood where I live, but it’s a heck of a lot better than it used to be.

I figure that once I get too old to look decent in bondage pictures, I’ll just shoot pictures of other younger t-girls, and enjoy bondage just playing privately or at parties. I might even enjoy that arrangement more than what I do now, because sometimes getting ready for a shoot and worrying about how I look and whether I’m sweating and all can sometimes kill some of the fun. When I’m shooting other girls there’s less of that pressure and I can focus more on the bondage and the lighting and so on. And sometimes when I can tell that a girl’s really getting into being tied up, it can be a lot of fun. That’s when I want to surprise them by putting duct tape over their eyes or locking them in a small trunk (okay, I don’t own a small trunk but it would be neat if I did.) That moment of surprise when you’re tied up and something unexpected happens that makes you realize that, wait, you Really Are Helpless can be such a great moment.

That charge – Probably the best moment of that kind I’ve had, and I wasn’t even tied up at the time, was this one evening when I was sixteen and I was coming home late from working at a Chinese restaurant where I worked as a busboy (I wanted to be the waitress, but alas). I know I’ve written about his before, but it was raining hard outside and this guy stopped and offered me a ride home. For some reason I said yes, and then once I was in his car I got this nervous feeling. As we got closer to the nearby 7-11 store, I said, “You can just let me out here,” but he just let out this strange little laugh and kept driving. I remember I had this moment of adrenaline wash over me, that sick-in-the-stomach feeling, where your insides sort of turn over. I sat there thinking, “Uh, what’s going on?” And then after a moment he drove a little farther, pulled over, and I got out and thanked him for the lift.

I wasn’t sure afterward if he had been trying to scare me, or hadn’t heard what I said, or what exactly had just happened, but in my imagination I had this fantasy of being taken back to his home against my will, being forced to dress up like a girl, and being bound and gagged and locked away in his basement to become his “special” girlfriend. At that moment, when he laughed, it was like the possibility of this fantasy actually becoming real was right there in front of me. Of course, it wasn’t, and it would be nearly impossible to make that fantasy come true and to still maintain that “good” charge of excitement and fear – the reality would quickly turn into a nightmare, and very possibly end up being fatal, and whereas role-playing can be fun, you still always know that it’s just role-playing. It would be a lot easier I sometimes think to just be turned on by tits and vaginas.

Wow, this turned out to be way longer than I intended. Sleepy time.

Wow, there are lots of “out” transgender people in the news lately. It’s not all good news, as the last story shows, but it’s good to see people being visible and making themselves heard.

Old Mike, New Christine

Transgender Candidate on Prom King Ballot

This one has been in the news for a while, about the City Commissioner who was fired for “incompetance,” even though the year before he got a raise and good reviews.

Transgender Florida City Manager Loses Job

Here’s an article that immediately caught my eye when I saw it in a random unrelated Google search. What an awful way to die (then again, maybe it was the ultimate thrill for him – though we’ll never know). And what a nightmare for his girlfriend. Another good lesson, don’t try this at home, and don’t rely on a dull knife.

Don’t you also love the way they use the word “pervert” in the headline? The word has such a connotation of, “Ah, what the hell, he was just a pervert anyway…” Like, why even bother giving the guy the time of day? Of course, I guess it did catch my attention. Not to tempt the gods, but if I ever ended up in a bad bondage mishap, I can only guess what the headline would be – though they’d use the word “transvestite” too, which I rather like.

A TV from Japan recently sent me the link to her blog, which has some nice pictures of herself wearing a stewardess’s uniform, and revealing a Japanese-style harness tied underneath her clothes. Scroll down the page to see all the pics. Alas, it’s in Japanese so I can’t read it, but the pictures are quite nice.

It seems that those Captivity Billboards just won’t go away. I’ve had emails from USA Today, Ms. Magazine, and the Globe and Mail in Toronto asking to re-print a couple of the shots I took. Pretty neat. So if anyone needs the full-sized images (2592 x 1944), just leave a comment or drop me an email from the Trannies site.

It appears that Lisa Nowak, the troubled astronaut with the diapers, also had a floppy disk in her possession with 16 bondage photos on it. Hmm, any chance of actually seeing the photos? If they turn up online drop me an email or comment.

CNN: Arrested astronaut had bondage photos

So I was out of town over the weekend seeing my friend K. in Las Vegas. I’ve been there more times than I can count and usually enjoy it, but always with a strange mixture of pleasure and disdain. Really, it’s the person (or people) that I’m travelling with that makes it fun (or not). The town itself can be pretty dreadful. I always have that sense when I go that there has to be more to life than this, but I keep going back for more.

I drove from L.A., and I always enjoy the drive through the desert. I was just in “Robert” mode for the trip but still had a great time. We stayed at a friend’s timeshare, and did the usual stuff – lots of walking through the casinos, people watching, eating too much, and soaking in the hot tub. I’m not much of a gambler so I only played the slots for maybe fifteen minutes tops.

I always feel sad when I say goodbye to K., and this time was no different. But it’s great to see her, and breaking up the usual routine always helps. Back to work now.

Somewhere in beautiful Barstow, CA.