I’d never heard the term “K-Pop” (for Korean Pop Music) till a couple years ago, and there’s a fascinating trend for many of the young male singers to dress as girls or do the androgyny thing. I admit I know none of the music at all but some of the performers are unbelievably cute. From the very little that I’ve read online, apparently in South Korean culture it’s much more acceptable for a boy to be “pretty” than it is here in the US. I found these pics just doing a quick Google search. I don’t know all the singers here but the first three are of Ren (yeah, his name’s right there!) who’s definitely one of the more spectacular of the crossdressing performers. A few of the other pics are also from variety shows where crossdressing is often used for humor and, well, because there’s just that undeniable fascination with the whole thing. Here’s hoping that at least one or two of them are also secretly into bondage!

It’s amazing to see marriage licenses being issued to same sex couples in a state as conservative as Utah of all places, one day after the decision in New Mexico from that state’s Supreme Court. Nine new states alone in 2013 in the US where same sex marriage is now legal, 18 total plus DC; things continue to change…

The whole question of whether to come out of the closet as a crossdresser, and to what degree, is a tough one. I was looking at some profiles in a Fetlife Group recently and was struck by how many of the photos avoided showing the face, which struck me as mildly depressing. And if you’re on Fetlife you’ve probably seen CDs who periodically delete all their pictures or shut down their profiles after being online for a while, and it just suggests so much ambivalence and self-doubt. I don’t want to sound like I’m wagging my finger at anyone, as I totally get what being in the closet is like; I was there myself for many many years and was so scared of letting anyone know. And yes, for many CDs the likely price to pay is just too high, so it sometimes makes sense to stay closeted.

But I do think being in the closet does take a toll on one’s psyche. It certainly did for me. I’ve always had a slightly depressive tendency to begin with and have always had this dislike of being secretive about things, but being a crossdresser I of course learned at an early age that it makes sense to be secretive. I did find, though, when I finally came out, first about my dressing and years later about being bisexual, that it did help lessen a weight that I’d been carrying around inside, and I don’t think I really knew how stressful my situation had been until it started to improve somewhat. It’s not perfect and I still struggle at times and have moments of doubt but things are so much better now than they were then.

And of course no one is ever totally out of the closet. It’s an ongoing process. With the majority of people that I meet day to day it would just be weird and creepy to insist on telling them about my fetishes and my sex life. But with the people in my life who matter it just feels better to not carry around this big secret (without going into the unnecessary details!), and at this point pretty much everyone in my immediate family and social circle knows what I do so it really doesn’t feel like that big a deal anymore. That’s the thing: when you keep something secret it just seems way more significant than it often really is.

But as I said earlier, how much to reveal is a decision that each person has to make, and for many the price is very high. I have two or three friends who could possibly end up divorced or homeless if they came out about being CDs (or trans – a whole other topic there) so it would be crazy for me to assume they should reveal themselves. But it does feel good to get things out in the open, or at least to keep things less hidden, even if it’s only revealing yourself to a few close people.

I think the unhappiest emails I get are from guys who tell me they plan never to tell anyone in their immediate circle, including their wives. I can understand the impulse but I think living like that would just be too hard and depressing for me. In most cases, yeah, their wives will probably be very pissed off and hurt and confused, even humiliated, and some of those marriages would end in divorce, but you just know one or two of those wives have their own secret dominatrix fantasies and it could have been a match made in heaven if only someone had opened their mouth! I actually know a couple cases just like that so I’m not just joking. But it is a tough decision, and personal.

In the long run, the more of us who are out the better it is for all of us because when someone realizes that they actually know a crossdresser it does slowly change attitudes. For most people in society what we do is so outside the norm that they don’t even consider the idea of males who like to dress as women; it’s not even on their radar. So the more visible that CDs and trans people are, the better – and certainly trans women and men have made far more progress than CDs have, just by the fact of the visible lives that they have to live to be true to themselves. In the end I only hope anyone who struggles with this question can find some peace of mind whatever they decide to do and whatever best fits their situation. But I’d also say, if you can come out, do so. Good luck to us all.

This blog has been online for quite a few years now though I’ll admit I don’t post nearly as much as I used to. Some of that is just inertia and some of it is probably owing to Twitter. Twitter is a very silly site, with a slightly cruel undercurrent since your number of “followers,” (hence, your popularity) seems to be such a big part of it. I see people who join and who hang around a while and then drift away from it, something I’ve sometimes wanted to do myself, but I still tweet (a ridiculous word) a few times a week and, well, kind of like it.

The thing about Twitter, though, is that it’s definitely cut down on my blogging since things that before I would have posted here I now just fire off in a quick tweet, especially things related to gay marriage (yay, New Jersey!) and trans / CD issues (and, uh, “Breaking Bad” – I was hooked!) I suppose eventually this blog may pass away (what doesn’t?), though I still do like it and will continue to post when I do, especially since people write me every now and then and thank me for certain posts and comments. I have a couple longer blog posts that I keep meaning to finish but they just aren’t there yet so who knows when? In the meantime I’ll just be very “meta” and blog about blogging, or not blogging as much, as the case may be…

I just had to post a link to this article, sent to me by Delilah, about a truly brave individual in Wyoming who uses the name Sissy Goodwin. I can’t imagine how she goes about in public dressed as a sissy, enduring the name-calling and discrimination, and even getting beaten up numerous times…and all the while living in one of the most conservative states in the country. Her fashion sense might not be the best but that will to live ones life regardless of the consequences always fills me with amazement. Truly a brave person, far braver than I could ever be.

I’ve been working on putting together a Trannies In Trouble book and am looking for questions that I can use to help me write some of the text. The book will be a sample of some of the better pictures from the first ten years of the website (2003 to 2013). So if you have any questions you’d like to ask me – they can be about the site, about dressing, about my personal life, really anything, don’t hold back! – feel free to add a comment here or you can email me directly (please include “book questions” in the subject line of emails). I’ll try to work the answers into the text of the book so that it’s a little different from the usual this-is-my-story description. It’s slow going but I’m hoping to have the book done by early 2014…Thanks for your help!

I had a great time at the Indiana bondage party back in April and when another one was scheduled for this month I finally decided – what the hell! – to do it again. Donna and Heather were very generous putting it together and I think everyone had a great time. The night before a few of us went to a drag show at a nice neighborhood gay bar in Indianapolis called Zonie’s Closet. Unfortunately I didn’t take any pictures but some of the queens were spectacular. Later on Sunday we all drove down to the cabin where I was able to stay for two and a half days of bondage fun, with some good wine and chocolate in the evening. It was a great group of gurls, a little smaller than last time, about 9 or 10 of us. I’m hoping I can go back again maybe next year, and for anyone who’s in the area or who can travel to the Midwest, if you’re into dressing up and bondage you’ll have a fun time – highly recommended!

For the pictures below, there’s Tanya in a nice backward-facing chairtie rigged by Dana and being teased by me, then later me in my business suit tied tightly by Joy Turner, who’s later tied to a pole with her legs pointing up, Babs in a poletie in the garage, me being packaged for the evening, Dana encased in spandex and later in an extremely uncomfortable bent-over-arms-overhead poletie rigged by Heather, and finally Joy again suspended by some of the girls and then later put in a cruel hogtie by Aunt Sandra. Enjoy!

So later this week I’m heading back to Indiana for yet another bondage getaway, arranged by Donna Patricia Richardson and her friend Heather. I had so much fun at the last one, and they very generously reserved the secluded cabin in the back country where we’ll be tucked away. It should be a lot of fun with lots of bondage going on for several days. I’ll be leaving on Saturday and will be far from any major city so internet access will probably not be available for a few days. But I’ll post the set with Silvia Snow (preview below) and the video to go with it before I head to the airport. Hopefully we’ll have some nice new pictures to post here when I get back…Hope everyone’s having a good summer!