A couple days ago I got dressed in my more casual daytime look and drove down to West Hollywood for the Transgender Day of Remembrance memorial service. This was the third one I’ve been to and obviously they’re always sad and rather depressing, honoring and reading the names of trans people who were killed over the course of the year. It was a nice service with some really talented musical performers and I saw quite a few people whom I know, but it did go on a bit long. I hate to sound negative, but I found myself inevitably comparing it to the service I heard last year in Colorado Springs (my old hometown), which seemed to hit all the right notes in just under an hour. I’m glad I went though and showed my support for the community.

I also wanted to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to everyone here in the States who celebrated today. The memorial earlier in the week is always very sobering but I do try to remind myself just how good I have it, especially to have friends and family who care for me, and all the many members and great people I’ve worked with over the years who support my website. I’m sure I’ll write more later but I’ll admit it’s been a pretty good year. Of course I have the kind of personality that’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop but I do remind myself to be grateful. I know so many people for whom things are so much worse, especially some of the crossdressers who sometimes write, feeling very alone with their gender feelings and their kinks and lifestyle. I can relate to a lot of what I’ve heard over the years, of course, and wish peace of mind and lots of fun to everyone out there. It can be tough but sometimes it can also be pretty darn fabulous!

So last Saturday my friends Ronda and Krystle and I went to this crazy haunted house in downtown L.A. called Blackout. Delilah had told me about it earlier but had to attend the week before and refused to comment about it afterwards, which was for the best as it only increased my anxiety level. In fact, if you’re in NYC or L.A. and ever want to go, you probably should skip this post as it is best to go in with as little input as possible. It was a lot of fun although the build up and anticipation were probably 60 percent of the experience. It’s billed as an “extreme” haunted house, where you walk through alone, sign a waiver beforehand, and have the option of using a safeword if you get too freaked out. All this, along with the creepy waiting area beforehand where horrible white noise is cranked out at an unnerving volume left me feeling very unsure about the whole thing as we nervously waited in line.

Ronda and I both dressed in our schoolgirl outfits (sorry, no good pictures to show) and we were warned by the serious guy greeting us that our outfits might be trashed by the end of it. But there was no turning back so we continued on. Once inside it was quite disorienting and creepy, with minutes left standing in pitch dark (very effective) and getting dragged along from room to room by unseen hands. There was a lot of physical contact, nakedness and touching (though I was really hoping to be seriously groped!) and there’s definitely a sexual undercurrent to much of it, including some bondage and a couple girls with tape over their mouths (loved those rooms!) Also for any straight guys who have insecurities about their sexuality this is definitely NOT for them! I had a great time and felt so relaxed and giggly when it was over after the release of all that tension. My biggest fear was that I might safeword out of it but once I was in for the ride I knew that I’d make it through okay regardless of what happened. Actually they could have ramped up the intensity a few more notches and I would have gladly paid even more. It was a fun night, and with the West Hollywood street party just a few days beforehand it turned out to be a great Halloween!

My friend Kim and I had a great time the other night at the super-gay West Hollywood Halloween party. This is the second time that I’ve gone and getting there early is really the way to do it, as things only get more packed and crazy the later it goes. They estimated about 400,000 people this year on Santa Monica Blvd. It’s good fun just walking around and checking out the show, and although wearing low heels is not as sexy, it really is a must. Last year I made the mistake of wearing four inch heels (yeah, I know four inches ain’t that high, but try walking on pavement for three hours in them and you’ll be in real agony).

There were lots of lovely ladies out too – it seems almost all commercially made women’s costumes are required to be prefixed with the word “sexy.” And I got lots of lingering eye contact from many guys as I strolled along in my sissy maid’s outfit. (I have no idea what was possibly going through their minds.) One guy came up with a friend and wanted to take a picture and I found myself suddenly in an intimate full-body hug. It was one of those, “Wow, I’m Really being hugged” moments. Oh, also the guys with the Aztec themed costume below do an amazing job. Last year they did the L.A. County Morgue set-up. Definitely worth a visit if you’re in SoCal this time of year.

Well, it’s been a busy one here and this next week is going to ramp things up even more. I’ll be heading down to Long Beach for a concert tomorrow with my friend Kim, and although I’ll just be in boy mode for that hopefully I’ll have time to write a little more about it later. Then there will be a couple more photoshoots including the one I mentioned earlier with Sissy Paige with whom I’ve emailed off and on the last year or so. (Just had a great time seeing Sybil last weekend!) And then it’s off to the Kinky Kollege convention to help my friend Ms. Diana who’s been asked to speak there. I’ve never been to that convention before but have some new outfits I’m really looking forward to wearing, and I’ll be slipping away one afternoon to see Ohphelia and Cincher again. I hope Ohphelia catches me dressing again and berates me – she’s very good at it!

Sometimes when I talk about how busy things are, I worry that it sounds like I’m showing off, which isn’t my intention. I actually really prefer when things are kind of slow and spread out, but sometimes everything piles up and you just have to do it while it’s there. I tend to get stressed when it’s one thing after the other, so I try to plan things out in as much detail as I can beforehand and then ride through it. But hey, I know I am going to get tied up at least once (and probably more) so how stressful can it be?

So the shoot yesterday was a lot of fun, shooting with a pretty young model named Nikki; I’ll probably be posting the full set of her pics here later next week where she plays a pro domme with a strong submissive side who ends up bound and cleave gagged with a pair of panties shoved in her mouth to quiet her.

Checking into the hotel went great too! I showed up already dressed and was a few minutes before the 3:00 PM check in time. Since they were still cleaning the rooms the nice lady at the counter gave me a free upgrade to one of their penthouse rooms, something I wasn’t expecting at all. So we were in the lap of luxury and later after Nikki left I hung out for a while watching a rerun of “House” (I seem to only watch TV regularly when I’m in hotels for some reason) and then got to sleep in the super-comfortable king-size bed. Not so bad for earlier feeling nervous about the whole thing; nice when things work out.

So I’ve been planning some hotel shoots with some new models for the website, shooting in the next couple months. One of my least favorite things to do is to show up dressed (in a more “regular” everyday kind of outfit) at a hotel and walk up to the frontdesk to check in. I’ve only done it a few times and have never had any trouble but it’s always one of those “take a deep breath and let’s do this” kind of moments. People always say, “Oh, but you pass so well.” But believe me, I don’t. If there is any doubt, it certainly vanishes the minute I open my mouth. Or when I pull out my drivers license. But some things have to be done so you do them. And usually there’s a great feeling of relaxation once I’m safely in the room and realize that no rioting ensued ;-)

Things like that always make me nervous though, similar to how I’ll often consider what I would do if I were stopped by the police while driving around dressed (just be respectful and as honest as possible and pray not to be arrested) and how I almost always carry back-up male clothes and makeup remover in the trunk when I go out, just in case. Only once did my car ever break down and ironically enough it was on Halloween, so when the AAA guy showed up it was no big deal at all. And I was wearing sort of a domme outfit, so he just looked at me and got to work changing the tire. Anyway, just the average worries of being an out and about crossdresser.