It’s so nice to see the Supreme Court finally got the mess around Proposition 8 cleaned up. Same-sex couples are getting married in California starting today – finally! I rather doubt the world will end. Now for all the other states where it’s still illegal.

The latex bondage pics that I did earlier this year with GreggW were a blast to shoot, and I just finished edited the second half of the pictures for this Friday’s update on the website. We shot these with a pair of six-inch red high heels and also shot quite a few stocking feet pictures in my Peavey shiny hose. I’m really looking forward to posting the full set with over fifty pictures in just a few days. Enjoy!

It’s surprising to me that after dressing and going out for quite some time, I’ll still sometimes have those moments of doubt and even shame that go with crossdressing. It doesn’t happen often, maybe a few times a year, but every now and then that old stuff will pop up. I had a moment like that a couple days ago when I needed to let a non-kinky person know that I was a crossdresser, and suddenly I felt really insecure about sharing, which surprised me since I’m probably ninety percent out of the closet, with family and friends all knowing about my “lifestyle,” with varying degrees of comfort and understanding. I wasn’t too upset about my insecure moment, but I did have to sit for a moment and I thought, “Oh wow, I’m feeling how I used to feel back in my 20s and 30s.”

I’ve heard from a few CDs who claim that they never have any doubts anymore about dressing, and maybe they don’t, though I’m always a little skeptical (I mean, never?) Sometimes too, you’ll run into that “I-don’t-give-a-damn-what-you-think” attitude (usually with a stronger word than “damn”), which is one way to handle it but so often it just comes off as a chip on the shoulder. Obviously, what we do is still considered creepy and unacceptable by so many people that it’s just challenging to be confident about it all the time while living on this planet. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having doubts at times; it’s just how it is and I suspect I’ll have those doubts every now and then till I die. So yeah, I’ve been doing this more seriously for over thirteen years and still have my moments.

Still, I’m not complaining. I don’t want to sound smug but certainly the last five years or so have probably been the best years of my life, certainly way better than when I was younger. Anyone who’s read much of this blog (which I don’t update as much as I used to) knows that I’ve never been a real happy-go-lucky kind of person – some people amaze me how they’re always up and feeling good. Yeah, I’ve never been like that! Instead, I’ve always been a little gloomy, easily seeing the dark side of things and knowing that it could all slip away at any moment. But if I were to round things up to being “happy,” well, then these last few years have probably been the best – and saying that, I’ll probably worry about jinxing it! ;-) I certainly get to do a lot of fun things over the course of the year, going to parties and events and meeting a lot of people, which is great and very rewarding. But like so many people, I have my down times too, but I grind through them and continue on, like most of us do. Usually a good night’s sleep makes a big difference. And coffee, and an occasional glass of wine…

As I mentioned earlier, I just had a big birthday earlier this year too (I was a teenager in the 70s so you can do the math, or look me up on Fetlife) and before it occurred I was quite disappointed and feeling a bit hopeless at times, but now that it’s past it’s like, “Oh, okay, I’m still here and things are fine. What’s next?” So it hasn’t been that big a deal after all. I’m aware of aging but I hope to keep taking pictures for many more years, both as Sandra and also as a photographer, and I think I’ll know when to focus more on the second role. But I’ll always be dressing up and going out. I have a friend well into her 70s who’s still hitting the clubs and going out on dates, and although she’s old she still looks pretty good; she’s an inspiration and I only hope I can follow her example, barring any major unforeseens between now and then.

Being closeted – I don’t want to be too preachy but lately I’ve also heard from a few CDs online who are married and in the closet. I understand how tough it is to come out and live openly – I really do – but I also know that if you have the option at all, being out is way better. It can be so lonely and isolating to keep this stuff hidden, especially from your partner. I actually couldn’t conceive of living like that; I think it would just make me depressed and I’d finally let it slip out. Of course, I’m still single at the moment and don’t know if I’ll ever end up with a woman or other CD / trans girl, or heck, even a guy. It’s certainly possible, but I’m a bit difficult and have my “issues.” Being so out, though, it would have to be with someone who’s kinky or at least doesn’t have a problem with dressing. So who knows? I really look at someone like Grayson Perry, whom I blogged about below, as an amazing example of living openly. His courage and utter balls to do what he does is amazing. Of course, being successful and having some money probably doesn’t hurt…and being a crazy artist!

So, all in all, just some thoughts that have been on my mind the last few days, though I have no deep observations to sum everything up. Life has it’s challenges and also some really fun times. If you’ve read all the way down to here, thanks for indulging me. And if you’re supporting my website now or in the past, I sincerely thank you. Without your support it wouldn’t happen and I really wouldn’t have much going on. I wish everyone the best. Be brave.

I had a blast at Donna Patricia Richardson’s CD Bondage Party. I’ve known Donna online for years and we occasionally would exchange emails but I’m really glad I finally made it to one of her parties to meet her in real life. There were about 10 to 12 gurls out in a secluded cabin in the country and it was a wild time with LOTS of bondage going late into the night. If you’re into crossdressing and bondage Donna’s parties are definitely worth making the effort to attend. Everyone who wants to get tied up gets tied up (usually many times) and everyone was so nice and easy to get along with. Donna herself is like a bondage machine and just keeps tying hour after hour – heck, I couldn’t keep up! I did get to experience one of her trademark chairties with lots-of-rope and it was amazing, leaving me able only to wiggle around a tiny bit from side to side and not going anywhere. I also did a lot of tying of other gurls and made some nice new friends; it was a great experience and I’m so glad I went!

So here are a few pictures from the week. First off is a group pic the night before at Talbott St. in Indy, with Donna, Dana, Brenda and me getting drunk, then a seven-gurl group pic that Donna took late one night, then the chairtie that Donna put me in, followed by a strict hogtie with Joy Turner, then Julie trying out the gasmask for the first time. After Julie is Dana, whom I wrapped up in plastic and black electrical tape. She zoned out quite nicely! Then there’s Torrie tied and molested a little by me, followed by Dana preparing me for my pre-birthday spankings (which were wicked and left me nicely bruised!) and finally Tina getting some payback, tied up on the floor and teased with the Hitachi. Enjoy!

Well, it’ll be a busy week here, heading off tomorrow to Indiana for a few days at Donna Patricia Richardson’s yearly bondage getaway. I’ve known Donna online for years and have admired her strict bondage style but this will be the first time actually meeting. Apparently the cabin she’s rented for all of us (I think about 12 CDs) is so far out in the country that I probably won’t have internet access or cell service for a few days (which is a nice change, to be honest!) Sunday night we’ll all be locked in and who knows what will happen. There should be some new pictures though on the Yahoo Group after we all get back (if we do). It should be a fun and intense few days and I’m bringing plenty of bondage gear…We shall see who gets tied up…

Then, just a couple days after that it’ll be time for the TEASE party, as mentioned below. There Will Be Birthday Cake!

Here’s another fun magazine cover that my friend Mr. K. put together that I don’t think I’ve posted here before. The super tight bondage was done by Cincher and was completely inescapable as I remember he worked extra-long and hard on the wrist tie visible in the mirror, making it super tight and lashing it off to the chair with only an inch or two of movement from side to side . What could have brought Sandra to such a sorry state and what could possibly happen next…? (Shudder)

I love the new covers on Time Magazine about gay marriage and the recent arguments before the Supreme Court – uhm, especially like the one with the girls ;-) It’s amazing how quickly attitudes continue to change. Who knows how long it will be before marriage equality is the law of the land in all 50 states but the inevitability of it continues to grow. (Now if only they could get this mess straightened out in California!) I find it so inspiring seeing things like this – Way to go Time!

A nice guy whom I chatted with recently on Fetlife sent me this amusing photo manipulation ready for some barefoot tickling. I always love seeing crazy manipulations like this, the weirder the better. Thanks, Mzapdos! I want it on a t-shirt! ;-)

Recently I got to shoot some latex pictures with my friend GreggW (Ravenswalk), who’s a skilled photographer of kinky things. It was super sexy wearing this dress, which came from Syren, but it’s quite a production just getting into the thing! I had to wait for Gregg to arrive to help with doing up the zipper in back and to assist in forcing everything into place – Wow, it’s not like slipping into a regular dress or blouse! But it felt incredible once I was in it, and the way the latex clings all over is amazing. I kept staring at my forearms in particular and the way they were so smooth and glossy.

We shot a lot of pictures with this outfit and did several progressively more strict bondage positions, including using these inescapable “Hamburg 8” cuffs and then later some rubber straps and finally a tight rope hogtie. I’d love to do more stuff like this but just wish the latex outfits weren’t so incredibly expensive. You can easily spend several hundred dollars just on one outfit (and way more if you want to!) It was a fun shoot, though, and I’m really looking forward to posting the first half of it in just a couple weeks. Here’s a little preview in the meantime…Hope you like!