I had a lot of fun at Carnal Carnival today. I spent a fair amount of the day working in the “Pop the Condom” Dart Room. There were a couple friends whom I’ve worked the room with before and I always enjoy it and get more involved in the event when I’m actually volunteering to help out. I also got to wander around during breaks and administer a nice spanking and paddling to the lovely bottoms of a couple other friends there. And I had a nice chat with the guy who runs TabooLeather, a cool bondage online store. I’ve got my eyes on a nice leather arm binder he has for sale. It’s one of those arm binders that goes from the neck down your back and holds the wrists in a parallel position. I got to try it out and it’s completely inescapable. All in all a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon.
New Dress
Wow, the turnaround time on that new dress I just ordered from Versatile Fashions was amazing. Apparently they make each of these dresses up whenever they have an order come in. They took down my measurements on Wednesday and three days later the package was in my mailbox. I’m looking forward to wearing this at FetishCon, coming up in a week and a half. If I can’t get any action with this little number then the gods are against me. (Ideally I’d love to find a cute gg to tie up and handle, or meet the kidnapper of my dreams – or is that nightmares?) Anyway, here are a few shots I did this afternoon with a new photographer I’ve been working with.
Threshold’s Carnal Carnival
Tomorrow afternoon, Sunday, July 29th, I’ll be volunteering at Threshold’s Carnal Carnival in North Hollywood, CA. It’s a yearly fund-raiser they do with carnival games with a kinky twist and lots of yummy fattening food. I’ll be there all afternoon, for the whole thing, most likely helping out in the condom and dart toss room. It’s a lot of fun so come check it out if you can and if you see me there do say hi.
Down to Versatile Fashions
I had some time off today so I hopped in the car and went down to Versatile Fashions. I’ve been meaning to make the drive for years. It’s about 35 miles from where I live, and I figured since I’m going to FetishCon in a couple weeks I should get something new. So I put in an order for their PVC “Nite Stalker” Dress in purple. And while I was hanging out I was thrilled to see the lovely Ms. Antoinette arrive. I got to meet her and chat for a few moments and she was a delight, truly a larger-than-life personality. I offered to hand out a few of their postcards at FetishCon since she couldn’t make it this year. It was a lot of fun and I’m dying to see the new dress, which should arrive in a week or so.
Zapped
I had my first laser treatment on my beard today and it went really well. The place where I had it done used to advertise in the old Girl Talk magazine, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that you get a discount if that’s where you heard of them. I went in early to have some numbing cream put on my face and I’m glad that I did. I have a dark heavy beard and I didn’t shave for three days beforehand. When I was finally ready and the technician saw how heavy my growth was she said, “Oh, that’s gonna hurt!” But actually it wasn’t that bad. It stung like a strong snap from a rubber band but was never really alarming. Now the numbness has pretty much worn off and my face might be a tiny bit red in spots but that’s supposed to fade pretty quickly. The next treatment’s in four weeks. They schedule them according to the growth cycle of hair. The hairs they zapped today are supposed to start falling out in the next couple weeks or so and there should be a new batch of hairs to work on next month. If this works I’d have to say I probably should have gone in years ago. It certainly wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be.
Weekend Busy-ness
It was a fun and busy weekend here. Saturday evening my friends Bettie Cho and Chainguy got to shoot at a friend’s house and I had a great time. I put Bettie into an inescapable leather strap and rope tie and did a really severe gag and blindfold on her. That bitch was bound and gagged! Usually I hold new stuff in reserve since there’s older material to post waiting in the queue. But I really like this set so I’ll probably post it this Friday. Here are a couple preview shots.
Then later today, I did the monthly Bondage Workshop, presenting a few hogties and variations, and tying up my friend L. for the demo. It was a small group, only five or six people, which can be challenging, but I was feeling pretty relaxed and in the zone. Afterwards I stayed late for a presentation with author and speaker Jack Rinella, a guy who’s been into the gay leatherman scene for years and who’s written a few books on BDSM subjects and a weekly online column. He spoke on Subspace and Altered States of Consciousness and it was very interesting.
So then tomorrow I’m finally going to go in to start getting some laser hair removal treatment on my beard. Shaving is such a pain in the ass. I have a pretty heavy beard growth so whenever I’m dressing I scrape and scrape till my face is nearly raw. I finally took the plunge, got some recommendations from friends, and made the phone call. I’ll have to do a series of treatments over time, of course, but I really hope it works for me. Even just thinning the growth would be a plus.
99 Years Old
You know how on some of those sites like MySpace, where it asks for your age people will sometimes put down “99 years old” just to fill up the space? I understand the impulse to do that, but I always think that if you just tell the truth it can’t bite you in the ass later. Not that I always follow my own advice. Hell, I lie and shade the truth as much as anyone. But age is one thing that I can deal with. I’m 44. Yeah, I’m getting older and the body inevitably fades, but that’s just how it is. Avoiding stating the truth isn’t going to change anything.
In the scheme of things, my life is actually pretty good and even fairly easy compared to the lot of so many people in this insane world, where just basic nourishment and shelter are ongoing struggles. Just knowing that things could be so much worse plays into my desire to try to be more honest about who I am, including my age. I could say that I’m 37 but the gods would know otherwise.
Back Home Again
Well, it’s good to be back in L.A. I had a good visit with my family, though my parents both looked a lot older than they had last time – that inevitable march of time. I felt a little sad and lonely while I was waiting for my luggage at LAX, so afterwards I called it an early night and got some much needed rest. Back to work. In about three weeks is Fetishcon. It’ll go fast.
More Summer Vacation
Not much blogging here lately. I’ve been out of town over the weekend, in Atlanta visiting my parents and family. It’s been a good visit though at times a bit stressful. I love them all but as always family can drive you crazy like no others. Tomorrow I’m flying back to L.A., appropriately on AirTran airlines.
Club Fantasy – Just a reminder that the next Club Fantasy party is coming right up. It’ll be this Friday, July 20th at 8 PM in N. Hollywood, CA. I’ll see you there!
Who’s Going to FetishCon?
As I mentioned earlier, I’ll be at FetishCon this year in Tampa, from August 9th till the 12th. So if you’re going to be there, let me know. I’m hoping to meet lots of people, and I find it’s always best when you have contacts beforehand whom you’re planning to meet rather than just going in blind and hoping for the best. So feel free to leave me a comment if you’re planning to attend, or you can send me an email on my MySpace page. I’m also looking to do some “trade” shoots with other models and photographers (and maybe even paid shoots under the right circumstances), and I also want to just do some shooting for fun. It’s four days but it’ll go fast. Hope to see you there!
Back Home for a Little While
I like the Ontario, CA, airport. It’s much more relaxed than LAX, which is where I get to go later this week to catch another plane to see my parents in Atlanta for a few days. It’ll be a much shorter trip this time. They’re getting older and having some health problems, so I try to see them about twice a year while they’re still here.
I know it’s going to be a shock when they finally die. I really get along with them quite well. My Dad knows about my bondage website and crossdressing, and he actually thinks it’s pretty cool that I get to do something that I enjoy. In the past I often saw him as a guy who was always struggling in life, doing okay but never really having an easy time of it. Which often made me worried, as I feared that I might follow the same path in life as I got older. So it’s a nice development that in the last few years he’s been better off and happier than he’s ever been. It takes some of the pressure off of me.
My Mom knows about my crossdressing and knows I run some sort of website, though she doesn’t really know what it’s about. I used to fear that if she found out that it would destroy her, but now I kind of doubt that. She’s a lot stronger than I give her credit for. In any case, I don’t think she really needs to know any of the gory details anyway, though I’ll admit I often feel like I’m hiding so much of my life from her when I talk to her on the phone. Not that I’m having crazy bondage orgies every weekend, or would even want to talk about that if I was (actually my life is pretty boring in a lot of ways), but that tendency to keep secrets comes very naturally and is a tough habit to break.
This Way Lies Madness
I’m still in Colorado for a few days. This morning I’m using a friend’s computer to remotely access my own a thousand miles away, but the really funny thing is that I’m on dial-up. Talk about slow. It’s like a zen exercise in being present to the moment. It always amazes me to realize how many people still use dial-up. I’m no internet snob or anything but if you’re using it and can switch to some form of high speed, you won’t regret it. It’s worth every penny, just in terms of time saved.
Shameless Plug – Speaking of broadband, I posted two long video clips last week on the Ts in Trouble paysite: a couple more “best of” clips from the DVD I made earlier in the year. The scene’s called “Sandra’s Self-Bondage Mistake,” and a couple people have commented on the onscreen mouth-stuffing gag sequence. I used a handkerchief and a fairly large scarf wadded up and shoved in my mouth, pushing it in to the limits of what I could handle. Then I wrapped clear tape over my mouth and around the back of my head several times to hold it all in place, giving me that bizarre “smashed-lips” look you get with clear tape. I never would have done it as real self-bondage, as the choking risk would have been way too high. But with Chainguy on the camera there was little risk of me really getting into danger. I’m hoping to do some more onscreen gagging and stuffing like that, it turned out really well. The files are big though, about 25 MBs each. So no dial-up here.
Damn, I’m Sore
Today I went hiking with a good friend up the 13-mile trail that goes to the top of Pikes Peak, which towers over Colorado Springs. I’ve done it a few times over the years but it seemed especially brutal today. Usually we would also hike back down, but my right knee was so sore when I finally dragged my ass up to the top, that we decided to take the cog railroad train back down. Not sure when or if I’ll be doing this again anytime soon. I always forget that people occasionally die hiking up tall mountains. Apparently lightning strikes and the occasional heart attack are the main risks here. Not that I was going to die or anything, but with the thin air and the stress of the constant uphill climb, I’ll be struggling along and can hear my heart beating really fast in my head. It can be a little unnerving to imagine something serious happening and being stuck above timberline with no way for anyone to quickly get to you.
Speaking of Travel
Yesterday I was in the airport in Ontario, CA, watching a young mother who had three young children to travel with. They were running around and playing and generally have a great time. And what really struck me was how utterly un-selfconscious they were. It was amazing. At a certain point in life we all start having the joy and spontaneity beaten out of us, and we start to learn that we aren’t okay the way we are, that people will hurt us, that we’re on our own, that things generally just aren’t okay in the world. But before that, we’re alive and full of joy and playing in the airport terminal. I almost wished there were some way to protect them from what’s to come, but alas…
GoToMyPC
I’m in a library in Colorado on a public internet terminal and I’m using this awesome service called GoToMyPC that lets you access your home computer from any computer in the world connected to the internet. I was afraid that it might be slow or quirky but it seems to work just fine, and with just a minimal delay in response time. Before, when I’ve traveled I’d always have disks in my briefcase with files and software that I might need while on the road (still a good measure just in case). But with this service you’re basically just working off your home PC anywhere. No need to lug around a laptap or anything, just log on from any intenet-connected computer. It’s awesome. I’ll be using it in the future anytime I go somewhere, and no, they’re not paying me for an endorsement ;-)
Summer Break
So like I mentioned earlier, I’m going to be doing a little traveling for a week or so, just visiting family and friends, till after the 4th. Updates on the trannies site will be the same as usual, though my chances at checking email will probably be limited.
If anyone has password problems or anything with CCBill, while I’m on the road, they have a good help page here.
Eddie Izzard
I recently got to see Eddie Izzard’s stand-up routine the other night with a very generous friend who snagged some tickets. He’s absolutely brilliant – he does this routine about houseflies that had me laughing my ass off. Whenever I’ve seen him on his recorded shows he’s usually dressed in some fashion or other, though this night he was in boy mode. Either way he’s priceless. If you get a chance to see him you won’t regret it.
I wanted to dress for the show, but it’s been hot as hell all week and I had no desire to go out earlier for dinner with makeup dripping off my face. So I went in my modified androgynous mode, where I try to look more like a musician than a crossdresser – tight jeans and a studded belt, a tight stretchy top, girl’s gym shoes, and eyeliner and dangley earrings. It’s really much more comfortable than doing the full makeup thing, which often leaves me feeling like I’m wearing a mask with a layer of sweat between it and my skin. Even in this manner of dress, I get a lot of looks walking down the street, most just curious but every now and then you see someone who looks confused or maybe even a little offended or something. Of course, who knows what’s really going through anyone’s head? I want to avoid confrontations and always avoid getting into any “stare-downs” with anyone. But it just really shows, even if you push that gender barrier just a little bit, it’s gonna get noticed, for better or worse.
Alice Novic on URNA
The excellent URNotAlone site has some really good regular columnists, including the lovely Alice Novic, author of Alice in Genderland. I’m way behind on my reading, but she has a very interesting article in two parts that she did a while back describing what she sees as the two “types” of MTF trans people. She talks about those of us who “love to be femme” but for whom it often doesn’t come naturally, and this can often include crossdressers and some late-transitioning transsexuals. On the other side, she talks about those who “act femme,” or who are naturally effeminate from the beginning and who, she suggests, often grow up to be early-transitioning transsexuals, drag queens, or effeminate gay men.
She credits Ray Blanchard with his concept of autogynephilia as one of the first to recognize this distinction. It’s an interesting idea and one that to me seems to make sense, though it could definitely be threatening to someone very much invested in the “usual” three-way breakdown: crossdressers / transsexuals / drag queens. It’s funny, but friends and I have often noticed the same thing that she points out about the local TG clubs: There always seem to be the young and fabulous transsexual girls who pull it off so effortlessly, and the rest of us crossdressers for whom it’s a lot of work and for whom it never feels completely perfected. Of course, some might disagree with the distinctions, but it’s an interesting way to look at things, and in a way could help relieve some of the internal self-judgments that so many of us have. If you haven’t read Alice’s column before, I’d highly recommend it. By the way, Alice is also a real dear in person, a total babe, and quite active in the local L.A. TG community.
Short Stories
I’ve really been on a tear lately writing some short stories for the trannies site. It can be very time consuming, but when the plot comes together and I get an idea that turns me on, I can get into the flow of it and sometimes the story nearly writes itself. Other times it just feels like work – but I’m not sure it has much impact on the final outcome one way or the other. I’m no brilliant writer or anything but I know what turns me on and I can usually describe it fairly well. I’m definitely a bit drawn to darker themes and ideas rather than playful bondage romps. I know when I try to do something more light and playful it tends to turn out kind of lame.
In any case, I finished a new story for Friday’s update, with Michelle Green looking very sexy in a PVC hobble skirt. I’ll be posting it later tonight. Here’s a quick preview pic.
Next week I’m going to be going to Colorado for a few days, to visit with family and friends, which is something I like to do each summer. The updates on the site will of course continue, though my answering email may be a bit worse than normal (it can be pretty bad even when I’m in town). My blogging will inevitably suffer too.
Going to FetishCon 2007
I’m going to be at FetishCon this August in Tampa and am really looking forward to it. I’ve had friends who’ve gone in the past and loved it, but I’ve actually never been to any kink conventions outside of L.A., where DomCon is held. There’ll be a lot of great models and photographers whom I’ve been a fan of for years. So it should be quite an experience and I don’t really have any idea what to expect.
I can sometimes be a little quiet and shy in big groups so if you see me there, please come up and say hi. Believe me, I’ll really appreciate it. I’ll be there for the whole four days, from August 9th till the 12th, and hopefully will have a chance to do some shooting while I’m there. I’ll also be looking to maybe do some “trade” shoots with other models or webmasters (one set for you, one set for me, or something like that). And if any “fans” have custom private shoots they want to do with me tied up, drop me an email from the Trannies site. My rates vary depending on the scene, no sex or cock shots though. Yeah, I’m a big ‘ho.