life in general

Blackmail

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(Update 6-27-2011: After reading Babette’s comment below I realized that my initial post wasn’t very clear. The person I was chatting with online was actually an admirer and not a crossdresser and the reason I wasn’t convinced about getting together was that although he expressed some interest in bondage, I had the sense from reading between the lines that he was really looking more for a sexual hookup, which I just didn’t feel comfortable with. I apologize for leaving out that important information, as it does sound like I was chatting with another CD who was just looking for bondage and not necessarily for sex…Sandra)

I recently was chatting with someone on a popular social networking site who wanted to meet, as he was coming to town for a business meeting. I wasn’t really convinced to begin with, but we wrote a few emails back and forth and then I found out that his wife at home didn’t know anything about his activities and would obviously not be too happy if she did. So I called it off. I’ve met with a couple guys over the years whom I later learned were doing the same thing behind their wives’ backs, and although I wasn’t the one actually cheating (and we didn’t have sex, so I guess you could say it wasn’t technically cheating), but still I felt kind of bad about the situations. I then saw on this recent guy’s profile that there were links to his wife’s profile and – ick – to his teenage kids’ profiles too. He’s lucky that I’m not the kind of person who would do this, but the first thing that went through my mind was, “Wow, this guy’s a case of blackmail waiting to happen!” How easy it would be to just forward our emails and cause all kinds of pain and destruction. I wouldn’t do that, but it does leave me, though, with that feeling of having information I wish I really didn’t have.

Again, let me emphasize that I would never rat on anyone, unless it became apparent that they were doing something really really bad, like meeting people and beating them up (in a bad way) or abusing children or something criminal like that. But I was still amazed at how he had his whole life laid out there to see. I mean, if you’re going to sneak around – and I’m not recommending that for anyone – at least use a separate profile for that purpose. I once actually heard from a guy’s wife (and I checked it out and was pretty certain that it really was her) who wrote for her husband who wanted to play. Although we didn’t really click that well I did actually meet with the guy and everything was fine. That kind of honesty I respect, and I have actually heard many more stories from guys, either CDs or dominant guys, who have an arrangement with their wives, who know what these guys like to do on the side and who give them their blessings, as long as they’re safe and upfront about it. So it is do-able if you’re married. The creeping around is just sad otherwise and slightly depressing – and stupid, as it could completely destroy one’s marriage if the truth came out, as it often does.

life in general

Weekend Clubs – Karaoke and Milk Bar

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It’s been a busy party weekend here in Denver. Like I’ve mentioned before, I don’t usually go out to clubs all that often, because most of the time I just feel awkward and don’t really enjoy them that much. But lately I’ve gone a few times to the Santa Fe Tavern for their Friday night karaoke put on by Spaceman Mike! (who’s super-cool). It’s a straight bar / restaurant but usually a few trannies show up. I’ve sung a few times and I’ve noticed a funny thing: since I’m dressed, I want to try to sing in a falsetto or at least a higher-pitched male range, but because I’m always so nervous when I go up, my voice automatically slides down into its regular low range. No big deal, as most of the other CDs all do the same thing too. Sometimes if I can loosen up a bit I’ll be able to throw in a few falsetto lines but it’s not easy. Of course, I’m not a good singer, but hell, 90 percent of the people there aren’t either. The fun thing is performing for your friends and trying to have a good time, so I usually try to sing upbeat or funny songs, such as “Kung Fu Fighting,” which I did the other night. A slow serious ballad would be the kiss of death, unless you can really sing. It’s a cool place and actually the first bar in Denver I’ve found that I really like.

Then last night, after feeling kind of crappy all day long, I finally said, “What the hell!” threw on some make-up and went out to a place called Milk Bar where some other local t-girls were planning to be. It’s pride weekend here in Denver (it’s not all the same weekend in other cities, is it?) so I knew the place would probably be packed. It’s an interesting place, with a black and white theme, named after the bar from “A Clockwork Orange,” and with another goth club connected to it next door. They’re both rather nice, and I felt pretty relaxed there. I usually just wander around when I’m at those places, check out the hotties, drink one glass of wine (hardcore!), chat with people I know (and thankfully there were quite a few last night) and dance a little with friends. I really like to dance, though again, I’m not good at it, but when you can really lose yourself in the beat for a moment it can be a wonderful time. Not to get all existential, but sometimes it does seem that living in this physical world and encased in this physical body that we carry around, it really can feel like a terrible burden – with the sense we all have of being separate from one another, the inevitable aging process, and the numerous flaws of the human body and damage that it’s prone to – sometimes it can just suck to exist, though the alternative is probably worse. Dancing, and obviously things like drugs and drink, can bring some momentary relief from all that heaviness, though dancing’s a lot friendlier on the bod.

So yeah, with all that, it’s a nice club – now the second one that I actually like enough in Denver to go back to. Of the two bars, I probably liked the goth one a little bit better, though the music was so shockingly loud that I had to wear ear plugs. It wasn’t that you might damage your hearing in the place but that you will damage it if you stay there unprotected. A girl leaned over at one point and tried to tell me that she liked the blouse I was wearing but it was like trying to decipher a foreign tongue – “Huh? What? You like my boobs?” But the music was pretty cool and the dancing in goth clubs is fun, if utterly pretentious. You really don’t have to do much in those places to call it dancing – just slowly move your arms around and strike dramatic poses. The other side, “Milk Bar” had much more pop and disco flavored music and was really crowded, as it’s a bit smaller. So anyway, I don’t think I’ll be there every weekend but I’ll certainly go back from time to time. Worth checking out.

life in general, websites

Poor Ol’ MySpace

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It must really suck to work at MySpace, what with the amazing success and dominance of Facebook, which I’ll admit I don’t even like that much, but it’s just become so ever-present (well, if you let it be – and I suppose I do). I recently got several new friend requests on MySpace, though, so I logged on and found a message from someone who’d written, uh, seven months ago! Oops, my bad! (as the young people used to say). I probably should just cancel my account there but can’t seem to commit and pull the trigger. So it’ll probably be another seven months or so and I’ll be answering another email there. I just hope they don’t think I’m a total jerk for my silence. Like I’ve said many times here, with all the email that comes in from the site, it’s so easy for me to overlook messages and then if a few days go by and more emails have come in, the old ones just drop to the bottom and sometimes I never get to them. I wish I had two extra days a week just to write people, because I actually enjoy email (when it’s manageable) but I can’t possibly stay on top of it.

life in general, los angeles, movies

Bedtime Bondage

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Here are a few snapshots from my last night in Southern California during my recent trip, when I had the chance to stay with my friend Kelly who lives just north of L.A. She normally loves to be tied up herself but sometimes she’s in a slightly sadistic mood and one of her favorite things are tight ropes around the chest that make breathing more difficult. It probably doesn’t look like it but her ropes were really tight in these pictures – not painful but certainly very uncomfortable. We were just hanging out watching a really silly old Bruce Willis movie called, “Color of Night,” which does have some sexy scenes with Jane March, who plays two roles, both a mysterious young woman and a teenage boy with buck teeth (and she does the gender thing fairly well).

All this led to my somehow being tied up that evening (yeah, not sure how that happened!) and enduring Kelly’s tight ropes for probably an hour and a half. As it got later we tried out some bedtime bondage, where I was probably tied up in bed for close to four or five hours, some of it being terribly uncomfortable. The crossed wrists were especially tight and much harder to get loose from than it looks in the pictures. And the way they were crossed made it impossible to put my arms parallel to one another, so the tension and soreness from the position just grew as time passed. At one point I did get them loose but Kelly just happened to be checking on me right at that point and of course she re-tied them almost just as tightly as before.

I find it’s almost impossible to sleep when you’re tied up, but I can sometimes drift off a little bit and then snap back awake again as the discomfort returns. This went on for quite a while, with Kelly resting just in the other room and occasionally checking on me until finally around four in the morning I was able to get free completely. I was so exhausted that I just left the ropes in a pile and immediately fell asleep. It was quite a memorable night and not too hard to catch some more sleep the next day on the plane. Oh, the stockings, by the way, were by Cervin Paris and they were fantastic. Definitely going to order some more of them.

life in general, websites

FetishCon 2011

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I’m really looking forward to being at FetishCon in Tampa again next month from July 27th to August 1st. It’s always great to see friends whom I only get to see once a year and make some new ones. If you’re going, drop me an email and let me know so we can say hi. Or if you go and see me walking around, do come up and introduce yourself, even if I seem preoccupied (Yeah, I’ve sometimes got that aloof manner, but I don’t mean it – I’m actually friendly!)

I’m working on setting up some photoshoots while I’m there, with hopefully some extra-special ones! It’s always a fun time and you never know what’s going to happen. Hope to see you there!

life in general, music

Cool A Camp Cover

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I recently saw this cover for the album “Colonia” from the indie band A Camp (apparently a side project from the lead singer of The Cardigans, Nina Persson). I have no flippin’ idea what’s going on in this picture but it vaguely turns me on. Is her hair being styled? And what’s with the big sheet and the glass jar? I’m puzzled but intrigued, as it all seems slightly dangerous, though maybe I’m reading something into it that isn’t there. If there were duct tape involved, I’d be swooning. Anyway, their song, “Here Are Many Wild Animals,” is also pretty catchy (neat montage of “women in film” that someone put together too).

life in general, los angeles

Sissy MacBeth at Club Fantasy

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It had been quite a while since I’ve seen Sissy MacBeth, so it was a nice treat seeing her again at the last Club Fantasy party on June 3rd in L.A. We didn’t have time to do any new bondage pics unfortunately but it was great catching up on things. They don’t allow cameras in the party so a friend took this snapshot out on the patio out front.

life in general, music

Jethro Tull Encore

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As I wrote on a post a while back, I was a big “Tull” fan way back in High School, and recently I saw that they were going to perform here in Denver for the 40th anniversary of their “Aqualung” album. So my sister in law agreed to go with me and we had a great time last night seeing them at Red Rocks Amphitheater, which is one of the most spectacular places in Colorado. It was a great show and though age has taken its inevitable toll, they still majorly rocked out. I was of course in guy mode but I’ve always thought it would be something to go dressed to a rock concert. Maybe one of these days for the right show. Still, it was a fun time, and Kansas was the opening act, who were also quite good, though their guitar player looked like grandpa. Gotta love those old rockers!

life in general, los angeles

Back to Denver

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Well, I’m sitting here in the Phoenix airport waiting on a connecting flight that’s running about three hours late, watching CNN on the TV monitors. It was a nice time in L.A. and I saw a lot of friends and shot some nice new pictures with Nina, Bettie Cho and Vivian Chen. Also had a nice time in Big Bear and Palm Springs and got to do some nice extended bedtime bondage last night, so I’m feeling pretty foggy this evening. I’ll try to write more later in the week and see if I have some good snapshots to post. Off to check out the quality airport food choices here…

life in general, los angeles

“You Kind of Look Like…”

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Earlier while in guy mode at the friend’s houe where I’m staying in L.A., I talked briefly with the neighbor, an older guy who came by, and he said, “Oh, you kind of look like that lady friend who sometimes stops by – she’s tall too…” I just smiled and said something vaguely in agreement, but I don’t think he even heard me. I love when stuff like that happens! Later, I was thinking, well, maybe he’s just messing with me and obviously knows that that “lady friend” really is me dressed as a woman. But from his manner, I suspect that he just saw a resemblance but didn’t really know that, yes, that was me.

Like most people, the reality of crossdressing is probably so unfamiliar that he probably just didn’t make the connection. And that always amazes me, because like most crossdressers I always think that I don’t really look that much different in girl mode than in guy mode, though in reality most of us do look very different indeed. I have a friend who has a fairly high-profile job and every now and then he’ll have anxiety about having femme pictures on his various online profiles and he’ll be tempted to delete them. But really he looks so completely different in male mode. With the wig and makeup and clothes, it’s just so unlikely that anyone would ever recognize him. And yet so many of us, myself included, think that others will see through us just like that, without any doubt or hesitation. I do wonder, though, how long it will take for that neighbor to put two and two together, as he’s probably going to see that “lady friend” again a few more times this next week or so ;-)

life in general, los angeles

Back In L.A.

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Well, I had another sleep-deprived night last night and an uneventful early-morning flight and am back in L.A. for a little visit. The friend whom I stay with rents a condo in Big Bear Lake every spring so we’ll be going up there tomorrow for the holiday weekend with some friends. Then the following week I’ve got several shoots planned with some local girls. And on the third is the Club Fantasy party. It’s gonna go fast!

life in general, los angeles

Out Running Around

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I’ve been growing out my eyebrows for the last six weeks or so, so lately they’ve been looking like two hairy caterpillars, and when I’ve gone out dressed I’ve just been waxing them up with some chapstick to try to keep all the stragglers in check. This morning though I had a bunch of errands to run and finally got them waxed at a place downtown called appropriately, “Brows.” I was upfront when I called them and just let them know I was a crossdresser who does a lot of photography and the owner was very cool and did a nice job cleaning them up – always so nice to have something like that done and feel more put together.

Then I did a little shopping while out, first hitting Ross (no luck), a local thrift store (bought one top and a ladies suit coat that might work) and finally finishing at Burlington Coat Factory, which I like a lot. I found another top there that I’m hoping will fit and the biggest find was a bunch of new earrings, which were all marked down on clearance. I normally find shopping in the spring to be the worst time of year, as the spring fashions usually don’t do much for me; I much prefer fall and winter. But all in all I found a few possibilities. Also stopped by Home Depot to get some tape for a shoot that I hope to do this weekend – we shall see.

Club Fantasy June 3rd – I’ll be visiting in L.A. again later next week and am going to stay for the Friday, June 3rd, Club Fantasy party. I always love being there and seeing so many friends. If you’re in the area stop by and check it out. It’s a very laid back and relaxed time and there’s usually some good bondage going on :-) Hope to see you there!

computers, life in general, websites

Windows 7 to the Rescue for Your Porn Needs

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I just upgraded to Windows 7 and it has the coolest little thing called the Snipping Tool. I’ve written here before about how Fetlife recently blocked the ability to right click and save pictures on their site. You could of course just look at the source code and find the link to the picture, copy it and enter it in a new browser window and you’re all set, but now those days are a faint memory! With the Snipping Tool you just click and drag a box around any image on your screen, enter a name for the file and the format to save it in and you’re done! And yeah, I know, if Fetlife or any other site has disabled the option to save pictures, then really you shouldn’t do this – yeah, honestly I don’t buy that. One of the main characteristics of the internet is sharing and linking to other stuff. If someone doesn’t want their images or videos saved the way to prevent that is not to post them. And heck, if one’s naughty pictures are going up on a free-wheelin’ site like Fetlife, well, come on…Thanks, Windows 7 – My bondage porn collection will continue to grow with even greater ease!

life in general, websites

Anyone Know Who Drew These?

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I’m sure quite a few readers here have seen these drawings before, as they’ve been re-posted on several sites and have been online for over ten years. Obviously they were drawn by a French artist, and although they’re very simple and unpolished, I’ve always thought that they were incredibly sexy and beautifully convey the helpless damsel in distress scenario. I also like the modest and overly feminine style of the dresses that the girls are wearing, with the high necklines and the bows in the hair, and the strange wrinkles in the fabric with the tight pinching ropes. I’ve found probably 35 of these drawings over the years, and I think they’re so good in their own unique way that if the artist had a few hundred of them, he or she could easily open their own website and get quite a following. Does anyone know who drew these and if they have a website or anything? I’d love to think that maybe there are lots more of these out there…

life in general, music, websites

The Death Clock Re-Visited

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I was reading something about glam-rock star Marc Bolan of T-Rex, who died back in ’77, just days before his thirtieth birthday in a car crash. And that led me to a link for the good ol’ Death Clock website. I’d forgotten all about this website but I really enjoy it! The concept is so wicked. You type in some details about yourself and it tells you statistically when you may expect to die. There are also settings for a normal, optimistic, or pessimistic reading, which slant the numbers. The normal reading gives me about 25 years, though on the pessimistic setting I’ve only got ten (damn, that’s soon!) There’s also a sadistic setting, but you don’t really want to go there. The optimistic setting puts me way into my nineties, which is so far away that it’s almost not worth considering. I am a bit death-obsessed, I’ll admit, so I LOVE this kind of thing. Here’s to many more good and active years ahead for us all (uh, as long as we can avoid exterminating ourselves as a species on our little planet). As the Brits say, Cheers!

life in general, websites

DeviantART

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A while back a friend told me that I should put up a gallery of pictures on DeviantART, so I finally took the time and did it – here’s the page. I really hope that it’s viewable with a free membership.

While I’ve downloaded some nice drawings and photos from the site in the past, I have to say that the navigation and ease of use for setting up a profile and posting pictures is really horrible. I hate to be so negative, but it probably took me an hour and a half just to upload 30-some photos. Sadly enough, it’s set up like a site that you would have found back in the late-90s, where each picture has to be uploaded one at a time, with numerous drop down menus to maneuver and boxes of text to fill in and absolutely no “batch” features for uploading multiple pictures. It’s really wildly frustrating, I hate to say, and could really use some streamlining. That said, I posted several pictures at the above link, including quite a few older ones from Ts in Trouble. Ah, the good old days!

life in general

Liplocker Gag

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Here are a few extra shots from the recent liplocker gag gallery that was recently posted on the site, including a couple more glamour shots of yours truly. Kali, AmberKatt and I had a real fun time shooting this set and it was really sexy being forced into a kiss with Kali ;-) Check out Hottbonds for the gag and other good leather bondage gear (and those tight skirts that I like so much).

Also, I’ll be on the road for a couple days this week so this week’s update on the site, with Bettie Cho returning for more tight bondage, will be posted on Tuesday or Wednesday. Then we’ll be back to our regular weekly schedule…

life in general, los angeles

Memories of Chainguy

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As I mentioned in the last post, a friend suggested I post a selection of shots that Paul (Chainguy) and I did over the years. Hopefully this won’t seem like it’s all about me but rather in memory of a good friend who’s passed on. Like I mentioned earlier, Paul was a great guy, with a very clever sense of humor, a fine appreciation for the absurdities of life, a love of Shakespeare’s soliloquies and of good movie quotes (he was always quoting that Jack Nicholson speech from “A Few Good Men”).

I fondly remember spending hours with him geeking out over bondage and photography (we spent ridiculous amounts of time comparing the histograms on various shots – why? I’m still not quite sure.) In addition to the shots from the various galleries below, I still have about 10 upcoming Chainguy galleries on my computer that haven’t even been edited yet. And of course he also shot several other galleries with my friends Delilah, Bettie Cho, Nina and Vicky, some of whose shots appear below on recent blog posts. The 50-some shots here are posted in the approximate order that they were taken, starting back in 2006 when we first shot on the back porch at that beach house that we’d occasionally get access to. Some of my favorite times were those series of galleries that we did in the mountains north of L.A., which sadly enough were all burned out a couple years ago. And the last four shots below, which are all fairly recent, haven’t yet made it onto the site but should be showing up in the months ahead.

We did a lot of rope bondage, but true to his nickname he really LOVED the handcuffs and shackles. I remember him at many parties in L.A. putting himself out and selflessly volunteering to cuff numerous ladies, crossdressers and guys. He was that kind of person – always thinking of the needs of others ;-) Speaking of parties, I was afraid that the last Club Fantasy party on April 1st would really be depressing without Paul being there. And although I missed him and many others commented on how he was always a regular there, it was still a really nice time and we had a big turnout, close to 40 people, which is huge for us, and it was a great group of people. Paul would have loved it and would almost certainly have had several girls all chained up for much of the evening. We will miss you, my friend…

life in general, los angeles

Cool California Days

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I’ve been having a really nice time in L.A. and the weather’s been the usual perfect. The memorial for Paul (Chainguy) was really nicely done and had a big turnout. I’m so thankful I was able to be there. A friend suggested that I should post a selection of Sandra pictures taken by Paul over the years. So next week when I get back to Colorado I’ll go through all the old shots and post a few here.

Yesterday I had the chance to take the L.A. subway (it’s really nice) down to Hollywood and visit Out of the Closet, my favorite thrift store. As always, I found a few items that I can bring back. What I really love about that place, aside from the usual good selection, is that it’s so gay that I never feel the least bit of shopping anxiety when I’m there. A nice change from the butterflies I often get at the mall.

I’m planning on a couple shoots while I’m here the next few days, then looking forward to Club Fantasy on Friday. And finally back to Denver late on Sunday.

Sandra Gibbons talks about what's happening in her world, both bondage related and not